Overheard at the Club -- Is there an Optometrist in the House?

One dude to another: Dave totally needs to get his beer goggles checked!

{commenting re: a friend chatting up some gnarly looking chicks}

Normally, the club does not let in gnarly looking chicks. Everyone knows that the secret sauce to running a successful club, probably anywhere in the world, is to let in the hottest chicks, the guys will follow and spend $ like fools. But the club world has been slow lately, and so the bar has been lowered (no pun intended).

Overheard at the Club: Overstimulated

4 douches want bottle service, my specialization. I'm used to having douches try to show off their shit by taking a table for $250 (bottle of Grey Goose with set-ups) and putting it on their credit card. They wouldn't have the $ to afford it otherwise. Credit cards give them the illusion that they can be players, but Amex doesn't make the eau de pauvre douche go away. This past Saturday nite, I had to deal with a totally new flavor of douche. A douche who had cashed his stimulus check for $300, which gave him enough for the $250 table and a $50 tip. And he brought 3 buddies to wallow in it with him. One of the other douches showed me the fugly tattoo he got with his $300 stimulus check. Thank you Mr. President. At least some of the stimulus check money is hitting the economy, and $50 hit my wallet.

Overheard at the Club

One dude to another:

Watching a video on Porntube is like watching 3 people fucking thru a keyhole.

Hmmm sounds like he speaks from experience....

Dawn of the Dead -- Overheard at the Club

One dude to a bunch of friends:

There's alot of zombie action at this club tonite....

Shitty Glitter

One of the latest drink crazes, you glitter up a martini or other drink at a club, and yeah it looks cool, it's 14 or 24 carat gold flakes, so the glitter is harmless and when it makes its' appearance at the other end, it makes your shit glitter, or so I've heard. I drank a shitty glitter drink once, but didn't check my shit later.

Overheard at the Club: A Freudian Slip

Way-gay dude clicking thru his cel phone to find a picture to show his double-douchey friends:

Where is this fucking phomo, I mean photo

Phomo is more like it, I'm sure....

Overheard at the Club: Odor Eaters

Dude to 2 friends: (sniffs the air) I smell pussy!!!!

Hmmm I smell a dude who isn't getting any.....

Overheard at the Club: Riding Shotgun

(3 wiggas acting badazz)

Oh yeah that bitch, she wanted me to give up the front seat, wanted me to ride in the back y'all

So what did you do?

I told that bitch where to sit!

(High 5's)

She got in the back, like a good bitch.

In Lust with an Avatar -- Overheard at the Club

Is Mike coming out tonite?

(2 shake their heads)

Dude seriously needs to get out more

He's too into that RPG (role playing game)

Dude might get laid if he got out

Dude does get laid....ONLINE

(2 dudes do some kind of pussy gang sign)

He was getting laid by some girl named Lunastar with a hot avatar, but then he met her for realz at a convention and she was gag-a-maggot

Damn

Who's he doing now

Some Princess avatar chick

He never learns



Douches have been falling in love with avatars or their equivalents for years (e.g. comic book heroines). It's different than fantasizing about an actress or model, a fantastical presence can never be tangible or possible in any other realm.... But when the reality is nothing like the avatar, how deflating!

Overheard at the Club -- Crassholes

3 guys....

Guy #1: Yeah and when we have that party after my parents go on vacation, none of the chicks will be over 22.

Guy #2: None over 22, not even 23?

Guy #1: Nope.

Guy #1: Hey! Do you want to come to our party?

Me: I'm too old for your party.

Guy #1: Damn. You could pass for 22.

Overheard at the Club -- I think she probably needed to escape from her friends...

2 toasted girls to me: Have you see our girlfriend?

Me: What does she look like?

One of the girls: She went to the bathroom like an hour ago?

Me: What was she wearing?

The other girl: But have you seen her?

Overheard at the Club: See Saw

Girl to another: So did you see his cock?

Girl: See it? I saw it, I see sawed it! I sawed it with my mouth for like a half hour!

Other girl: Why didn't you see it with your (points to pussy)

Girl: OTR

Other girl: Ohhhhh

Translation of girlspeak: OTR = on the rag

Overheard at the Club: Sorry Wrong Number

(Girl talking to her friends) So this guy calls and he's like hey what's up and he's talking to me like he knows me and shit. Wrong number, but he sounds hot and he thinks I sound hot, so I sent him to my myspace and he sent me a cell phone pic so now we're meeting up tomorrow nite. (Holds up cell phone and shows 2 friends his pic). Hotness, one girl says. Channing Tatum needs to call my 'sorry wrong number', says the other girl....

(I secretly agree. He needs to call me too!!! Sara)

Overheard at the Club -- Bodily Fluid Check

Saliva? My saliva is doing just fine, thank you! {One dude to another}

So why don't you two just go swap some, ga-ga-ga-gay!!! Sara

Duh on me, my friend Nicole says they were probably doing ecstasy and the one dude was checking to see if the other was dehydrated, a common prob w/doing E. But I bet if they didn't find some chicks to roll with, they ended up on GayStreet!

Overheard at the Club

Guys often seem stymied at the club where I work as to why they are not 'scoring' with the ladies. Could it be because they display such gay behaviors?

Check out this Overheard at the Club tidbit....

And this is another version of the rear naked choke (guy has another guy in a headlock and that guy's face is turning red to purple)

As I walk by, the choker says...Whoa...(and I give him the finger)

Later, he asks why I gave him the finger (in front of his 3 amigos)

Wrestling is so gay, I say, and walk away

Ouch, one of the amigos says

But I'm not gay, he protests

Oh he's gay, he just doesn't know it yet....Sara

Overheard at the Club!

One girl to another:

Men are just dogs, I don't even know why we let them hump us.

I agree, just make them hump furniture instead....Sara

Overheard at the Club hmmmm

One (gay?) guy to another:

You don't go to Turkish prison, you go to Craigslist!

Overheard at the Club!

1 girl to 2 other girls:

"And then the cat puked on the sofa so I didn't have to fuck him."

Hmmmm I wonder if he had a small one....Sara

Overheard at the Club

Overheard tidbits of convo at the club always amuse me, I should post some of the more interesting ones. This past weekend my favorite:

So you were a ghost? {one guy to another}

My St. Patty's Day Serving Wench Outfit -- I Wish :-(

The boss at the club said we cocktail serving wenches could wear something green for St. Patty's. If I had only known about this dress in time for a pet, slut or slave to buy it for me to wear to work 2Nite. I would have definitely garnered plenty of attention and GREENERY. But better yet, I could have made slave toad order the ATM costume and then stood him in a corner as my own personal ATM.