Small cock wears his underpants when he gets out of bed.
Often sliding them on and off under the bedclothes.
Big cock grabs your head and pushes it down.
Small cock waits and hopes.
Small cock: "Does size matter?"
Big cock: "Did you know size matters?"
Small cock will give you oral for hours.
You make big cock stop and put it in after a couple of minutes.
About four inches?
Three squeals and a shriek?
Small cock sticks to one or two positions that work.
Big cock keeps switching.
Big cock hopes the condom doesn't split.
Small cock hopes the condom stays on.
Big cock worries he is stretching you too much.
Little cock worries he isn't at all.
Small cock brings you strawberries and champagne after sex.
Big cock just leaves you hanging half off the bed exhausted.
Big cock comes back from the front door saying:
"That was the neighbors complaining about your noise."
Small cock says "Did you cum?"
from message board walnutwalk.com
and small ones shouldn't be called cocks! -- Sara
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
My Newest Gay Slave
Well Mistress Sara, it has happened to me now.
Since i last sent you an update i have visited the ABS more and more going into the booths and watching gay porn and into a small theater area showing gay porn and now sitting in there watching gay porn with other guys. It is like a gay orgy every day in the theater. Always 3-10 guys in there and having gay sex in the open. After watching a couple of times, i could not take it anymore and joined in. First time a guy sat next to me and started rubbing my crotch, i was so hot watching the gay porn and the action in the theater.
He pulled my cock out and stroked me and then pulled his cock out, i stroked him also. Then he told me to go to my knees and suck his cock. OMG, i was so hot and ready, i went down on my knees and sucked him. He came hard in my mouth and i swallowed his big load. It was so wonderful to suck his cock and then get the load. OMG, it was wonderful. i loved it. i was then crazed for more and joined in with some other guys that were into some action in the theater. i got on my knees in front of three of them and sucked them all, two came on my face and one in my mouth. i ate the cum and Sex with men is absolutely the best and all i want. i do not want women anymore. This is tough since i am married. But i need guys now all the time. i still cannot believe now how this has happened, but i think i became conditioned to gay sex thru watching only gay porn and following your gay brainwashing game steps completely. i now have also hooked up with guys thru squirt.org which i am a member of and meet up with them for more gay sex. i even feel proud now to say i am gay or a faggot. i plan to tell my wife soon, as she is wondering what is wrong since we have not had sex for the past 2 1/2 months since i started your gay steps and reading all your stories.
i don't know what else to say, except that i am so excited and feel great, best sex and best i have felt ever. i just returned from sucking four cocks and taking all the loads and one load in my ass. i am filled with cum in my ass as i write this with some dried cum on my face. Thank you Mistress Sara, thank you!
Your new gay slave
Since i last sent you an update i have visited the ABS more and more going into the booths and watching gay porn and into a small theater area showing gay porn and now sitting in there watching gay porn with other guys. It is like a gay orgy every day in the theater. Always 3-10 guys in there and having gay sex in the open. After watching a couple of times, i could not take it anymore and joined in. First time a guy sat next to me and started rubbing my crotch, i was so hot watching the gay porn and the action in the theater.
He pulled my cock out and stroked me and then pulled his cock out, i stroked him also. Then he told me to go to my knees and suck his cock. OMG, i was so hot and ready, i went down on my knees and sucked him. He came hard in my mouth and i swallowed his big load. It was so wonderful to suck his cock and then get the load. OMG, it was wonderful. i loved it. i was then crazed for more and joined in with some other guys that were into some action in the theater. i got on my knees in front of three of them and sucked them all, two came on my face and one in my mouth. i ate the cum and Sex with men is absolutely the best and all i want. i do not want women anymore. This is tough since i am married. But i need guys now all the time. i still cannot believe now how this has happened, but i think i became conditioned to gay sex thru watching only gay porn and following your gay brainwashing game steps completely. i now have also hooked up with guys thru squirt.org which i am a member of and meet up with them for more gay sex. i even feel proud now to say i am gay or a faggot. i plan to tell my wife soon, as she is wondering what is wrong since we have not had sex for the past 2 1/2 months since i started your gay steps and reading all your stories.
i don't know what else to say, except that i am so excited and feel great, best sex and best i have felt ever. i just returned from sucking four cocks and taking all the loads and one load in my ass. i am filled with cum in my ass as i write this with some dried cum on my face. Thank you Mistress Sara, thank you!
Your new gay slave
Moron Assignment
I imagine you telling me, "I have no time for you over the next few days, moron, so what you'll do is write messages to yourself; that's right idiot, you will write demeaning, degrading, humiliating messages to yourself that you wish I were writing and sending to you. Each day you will send me a concise message of humiliation (none of your endlessly boring piece of shit mails) that you write to yourself because, oh so pathetically, it's all you can do when your Owner won't feed you and you are desperately hungry. You will continue to do this over the next few days, until you hear from me telling you to resume typical correspondence." Again, of course I would obey.
Sara, please don't do this to me. I write this only to show you the desperate, pathetic state you have me in.
Well I did order the pathetic moron to write humiliating messages to idiot-self, because it's the weekend, I'm busy and have better things to do than overindulge my needy moron!
Sara, please don't do this to me. I write this only to show you the desperate, pathetic state you have me in.
Well I did order the pathetic moron to write humiliating messages to idiot-self, because it's the weekend, I'm busy and have better things to do than overindulge my needy moron!
Friday, September 04, 2009
Big Brother UK Winner!
Breaking news from peewee, UK blog correspondent....
Britain voted in droves for the BB Contestant who voiced her Size Queen tendencies and her preference for Black men. Sophie (as featured in your previous blogs) is this year's overall winner.
Years ago, a pretty young English girl admitting, live to the nation, that she prefers big black men would have caused resentment, hostility and contempt. Nowadays, it invokes popularity and respect. That is evidenced by the overwhelming 74.4% of the final vote going to Sophie. Ok, I concede that her MASSIVE fake breasts, pretty face and fun ditzy personality may have had more to do with it. But it just goes to show that Britain's most attractive, likable hotties want big black men. And we all love and accept it.
She chose to leave the house, victorious, in a tiny skirt that was - fittingly - zebra patterned. I wonder, is the zebra pattern some kind of code for white girls who love black men? I know ankle bracelets, toe rings and queen of spades symbols are usually a giveaway. But is the zebra pattern another tell-tale sign? I think of the picture of you wearing zebra patterned panties - and believe me - it turns little boys like me on. To say the least!!
It will be interesting to see how long it is before Sophie starts dating another black footballer. I imagine the bookies' odds have just been slashed!
yes peewee, zebra pattern bras, panties, bikinis, skirts etc. do mean a white girl is into black men! In fact, one Niteflirt caller even told me in the city where he lives there is a Club Zebra where white women go shopping for black men, or vice versa....
From Straight to GAY! A Confession
I had always been totally straight and had never even considered doing anything with a guy. But then I met, well, met on Niteflirt, Sara. She made me listen to her Becum an XXXmas Ho Ho Ho recording and in our conversations she was very convincing that I should start going to adult bookstores and posting/replying to ads on Craigslist and other sites.
The more the thought was on my mind, the more I was compelled to try it for Sara. And so it happened. What happened next I never anticipated. On a couple of my cocksucking extravaganzas, when it was over, the guy either handed me some money, or, I even asked for cab fare (even though I drove over). So I thought I could make a little extra cash on the side doing this and then spend the $ on whatever kinky sex type stuff I craved.
Now I usually contact men through their ads and once contact has been established, pictures exchanged, time/location details worked out, and finally, once I am confident they are not insane, I bring up money. So far I have been charging $50. I would charge more, but I am not very good at it yet and I want to be a cheap street whore. I have met about 15-20 guys so far, and for the most part I am still disgusted by it. I don’t like doing it, but I do love the sense of humiliation and degradation. Most of the time it is pretty ordinary. I show up, small talk for a minute, then pants are dropped and I get on my knees and start sucking. Some guys have special requests like wanting me to show up in a bra and panties. One time a guy wanted his girlfriend to watch. I actually enjoyed this because she was very talkative and offered helpful advice and encouragement.
The weirdest so far was this: One time a guy asked me to dress up in his wife’s clothing and I think I will be meeting him again this weekend. He put me in her bra and panties, skirt and top, stockings and asked me to prance around the room. Then he asked me to dress in her workout clothes and do the same thing. Finally, he brought out her wedding gown. I really couldn’t fit in this very well, and the zipper up the back wouldn’t go up very far. But I got in it the best I could and then sucked him off. Some of his cum dribbled onto the bodice/bust area.
Now I am into trannies, and use the money I make from sucking cock to spend on them, and also on Sara.
The more the thought was on my mind, the more I was compelled to try it for Sara. And so it happened. What happened next I never anticipated. On a couple of my cocksucking extravaganzas, when it was over, the guy either handed me some money, or, I even asked for cab fare (even though I drove over). So I thought I could make a little extra cash on the side doing this and then spend the $ on whatever kinky sex type stuff I craved.
Now I usually contact men through their ads and once contact has been established, pictures exchanged, time/location details worked out, and finally, once I am confident they are not insane, I bring up money. So far I have been charging $50. I would charge more, but I am not very good at it yet and I want to be a cheap street whore. I have met about 15-20 guys so far, and for the most part I am still disgusted by it. I don’t like doing it, but I do love the sense of humiliation and degradation. Most of the time it is pretty ordinary. I show up, small talk for a minute, then pants are dropped and I get on my knees and start sucking. Some guys have special requests like wanting me to show up in a bra and panties. One time a guy wanted his girlfriend to watch. I actually enjoyed this because she was very talkative and offered helpful advice and encouragement.
The weirdest so far was this: One time a guy asked me to dress up in his wife’s clothing and I think I will be meeting him again this weekend. He put me in her bra and panties, skirt and top, stockings and asked me to prance around the room. Then he asked me to dress in her workout clothes and do the same thing. Finally, he brought out her wedding gown. I really couldn’t fit in this very well, and the zipper up the back wouldn’t go up very far. But I got in it the best I could and then sucked him off. Some of his cum dribbled onto the bodice/bust area.
Now I am into trannies, and use the money I make from sucking cock to spend on them, and also on Sara.
Sucking Cock for Cab Fare!
When you do my Niteflirt Gay Brainwashing Game, it will happen to you. You will find yourself so hungry for cock, you will do anything to get it. You will crave cum-plete humiliation for being so cock-starved and cum-crazed. Realizing that asking for money up front may land you in handcuffs, the type you wouldn't want to be in {wink wink}, most of you sexstore gloryhole cocksuckers go legit and ask for tips, cab fare or even booze money after the bj!
"Yeah, I actually asked him for cab fare. And he only gave me $7! Super humiliating. Selling myself for 7 measly dollars!!?? Wow, what a gutter sluttin' ho. And I realized I still had lipstick on my mouth afterwards when I went to an internet cafe to get a cup of coffee. That's where I am now..."
"Yeah, I actually asked him for cab fare. And he only gave me $7! Super humiliating. Selling myself for 7 measly dollars!!?? Wow, what a gutter sluttin' ho. And I realized I still had lipstick on my mouth afterwards when I went to an internet cafe to get a cup of coffee. That's where I am now..."
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Ungaywayne!!!!
Last night I went to a gay bar. Out of nowhere this big strong blackman grabbed me and gave me a powerful mouth-to-mouth kiss. I was shocked at the unexpectedness of such a big Afrostud coming on so hard to me. (Never thought it would happen to me!) I was so scared that I ran out of the bar. At a table near the door, there were girls laughing and clapping and I heard somebody yell, "Look at that little white bitch run!"
I wonder if those girls (lesbians? straight girls hanging out in a gaybar for kicks?) put this blackstud up to it, if they had bets riding on whether I would get into the kiss or duck and run....if he had done this to other whiteboys before me? At first, I was acting like a pompous ass after a few drinks, you know how I am when I drink, if you've read some of my other stories. So maybe the girls spotted my cocky whiteboy attitude and decided to put me in my place at the gaybar.
All I could do is think about the Afrostud's huge fat lips pressed up against my skinny whiteboy ones last night in bed. I did not sleep a wink so I wanked. I had my chance to make it with a big black man and I blew it. I'm sorry I did not live up to the name you gave me. Are you ashamed of me? I know Nicole will be.
I can see now why more black studs are smacking (and spanking) white sissy asses in front of you beautiful white girls. The black men are now finally more than ever showing you ladies what whiteboys are really made of. I guess we deserve what we're getting. How did they ever once fear us? Even though we outnumber them 10 to 1, we still turn tail and let the Afroamericans take our whitegirls away. We just accept this as the new reality in our tiny, unimportant wimpy lives.
I guess our reputation of being sissies and pussies is here to stay and deeply seeded in the whitegirls and black men. The celebs know this especially in England (peewee's reports and pics show this.) I can see why the whitegirls yawn when whiteboys approach them, but get excited when an Afrostud puts a move on them.
ungaywayne
ps i have become such a little blackass kisser
UPDATE:
Gaywayne, realizing how he let me and Nicole and all my blog readers down, now promises to go back to the gaybar this weekend and get it on with BBC. I will post details asap!
I wonder if those girls (lesbians? straight girls hanging out in a gaybar for kicks?) put this blackstud up to it, if they had bets riding on whether I would get into the kiss or duck and run....if he had done this to other whiteboys before me? At first, I was acting like a pompous ass after a few drinks, you know how I am when I drink, if you've read some of my other stories. So maybe the girls spotted my cocky whiteboy attitude and decided to put me in my place at the gaybar.
All I could do is think about the Afrostud's huge fat lips pressed up against my skinny whiteboy ones last night in bed. I did not sleep a wink so I wanked. I had my chance to make it with a big black man and I blew it. I'm sorry I did not live up to the name you gave me. Are you ashamed of me? I know Nicole will be.
I can see now why more black studs are smacking (and spanking) white sissy asses in front of you beautiful white girls. The black men are now finally more than ever showing you ladies what whiteboys are really made of. I guess we deserve what we're getting. How did they ever once fear us? Even though we outnumber them 10 to 1, we still turn tail and let the Afroamericans take our whitegirls away. We just accept this as the new reality in our tiny, unimportant wimpy lives.
I guess our reputation of being sissies and pussies is here to stay and deeply seeded in the whitegirls and black men. The celebs know this especially in England (peewee's reports and pics show this.) I can see why the whitegirls yawn when whiteboys approach them, but get excited when an Afrostud puts a move on them.
ungaywayne
ps i have become such a little blackass kisser
UPDATE:
Gaywayne, realizing how he let me and Nicole and all my blog readers down, now promises to go back to the gaybar this weekend and get it on with BBC. I will post details asap!
Sunday, August 23, 2009
The H List
peewee reports on the inverse, the most well hung celebrities in the world!
Interestingly, it is rumored that there exists a "SAUCY list ... revealing which actors really are Hollywood’s BIGGEST stars.
The compilers have reported that Colin Farrell, Liam Neeson, George Clooney and Spiderman’s Tobey Maguire have some pretty "impressive parts" and this doesn't refer to their acting roles. Joining them on the list are Matt Dillon, Kevin Costner, Johnny Depp, Matthew McConaughey and Sean Penn. The anonymous compilers get their information from film workers who regularly see the stars in the buff as they change into costume before going on set.
The H list is not in order of size, since British Star Wars actor Ewan McGregor, last on the list, is rumored to have one of the most impressive light sabres in Tinseltown.
The H-list — with H standing for “Hung” — is revised once a year and now mostly circulated via email or posted online. It was originally created in the 1940s by the saucy wife of a studio boss. Nowadays its' unknown authors base their ratings on tips that film technicians, costume designers and make-up artists send to a post office box in Palm Springs, California — preferably with photographic proof."
Click here for the source!
A more comprehensive list of the best hung celebrities, including politicos, was outlined as part of a response to the above-listed link, as follows:
Milton Berle
Samuel L. Jackson
Charlie Chaplin
Robert Wagner
Will Smith
Dennis Rodman
Billy Bob Thornton
Tommy Lee
Tim Robbins
Morgan Freeman
Lyle Lovett
Jeff Goldblum
Randy Travis
Lou Reed
Buster Keaton
Stephen Speilberg
Damon Wayans
Edward James Olmos
Chris Isaak
Vin Diesel
Liev Schreiber
Al Gore
Barack Obama
John C. Reilly
Michael Imperioli
John Singleton
Spike Lee
Viggo Mortenson
Christopher Lee
Mick Fleetwood
Danny Glover
James Garner
Dario Argento
Warren Beatty
Stevie Wonder
Jon Lovitz
Danny Masterson
Kevin Spacey
Jamie Foxx
Rapper Q-Tip
Rapper Ce-Lo
Colin Farrell
George Clooney
Tobey Maguire
Matt Dillon
Kevin Costner
Benjamin Bratt
Kiefer Sutherland
Johnny Depp
Sean Penn
Matthew McConaughey
Ewan McGregor
Ewan's supposedly hiding at least 9 - 10" under his kilt!
Interestingly, it is rumored that there exists a "SAUCY list ... revealing which actors really are Hollywood’s BIGGEST stars.
The compilers have reported that Colin Farrell, Liam Neeson, George Clooney and Spiderman’s Tobey Maguire have some pretty "impressive parts" and this doesn't refer to their acting roles. Joining them on the list are Matt Dillon, Kevin Costner, Johnny Depp, Matthew McConaughey and Sean Penn. The anonymous compilers get their information from film workers who regularly see the stars in the buff as they change into costume before going on set.
The H list is not in order of size, since British Star Wars actor Ewan McGregor, last on the list, is rumored to have one of the most impressive light sabres in Tinseltown.
The H-list — with H standing for “Hung” — is revised once a year and now mostly circulated via email or posted online. It was originally created in the 1940s by the saucy wife of a studio boss. Nowadays its' unknown authors base their ratings on tips that film technicians, costume designers and make-up artists send to a post office box in Palm Springs, California — preferably with photographic proof."
Click here for the source!
A more comprehensive list of the best hung celebrities, including politicos, was outlined as part of a response to the above-listed link, as follows:
Milton Berle
Samuel L. Jackson
Charlie Chaplin
Robert Wagner
Will Smith
Dennis Rodman
Billy Bob Thornton
Tommy Lee
Tim Robbins
Morgan Freeman
Lyle Lovett
Jeff Goldblum
Randy Travis
Lou Reed
Buster Keaton
Stephen Speilberg
Damon Wayans
Edward James Olmos
Chris Isaak
Vin Diesel
Liev Schreiber
Al Gore
Barack Obama
John C. Reilly
Michael Imperioli
John Singleton
Spike Lee
Viggo Mortenson
Christopher Lee
Mick Fleetwood
Danny Glover
James Garner
Dario Argento
Warren Beatty
Stevie Wonder
Jon Lovitz
Danny Masterson
Kevin Spacey
Jamie Foxx
Rapper Q-Tip
Rapper Ce-Lo
Colin Farrell
George Clooney
Tobey Maguire
Matt Dillon
Kevin Costner
Benjamin Bratt
Kiefer Sutherland
Johnny Depp
Sean Penn
Matthew McConaughey
Ewan McGregor
Size Queenery!
Comments:
Sara to peewee -- A few years ago, my girlfriends and I, especially Nicole, were ok with 7's, but then we started a movement: 8 IS THE NEW 7
Now we don't go under 8". Girls get 'size fatigue'. There's a physiological basis to it, large cocks 'ruin' a girl's pussy. A girl's pussy elongates in response to the size of cocks, to be able to take them, so after getting fucked by 8's or 9's, the pussy instinctively elongates to take 8's or 9's, 7's won't fill up the pussy any longer.
peewee to Sara -- Wow! You've dropped 7's! That's impressive Sara. I suppose I am happy for you that you're with such big men. But it's quite intimidating for me to think just what sort of men are enjoying the girl I am in love with. I think it's just an in-built trait for men to be psychologically crushed when confronted by superior manhoods.
Thank you so much for allowing me to be your cuckold, given that my size is clearly so insufficient. I will keep trying to please you in other ways to make up for my joke cock.
Sara to peewee -- As far as who really should be at the top of the list, I've heard it's Julia Roberts. She only dates or marries extremely hung men, doesn't seem to care if they are the right publicity accessory for her career. Kiefer Sutherland, Benjamin Bratt, Liam Neeson, Lyle Lovett. I'm sure her ex-camera man husband is hung as well or why else would she have stolen him from his now ex-wife!
peewee to Sara -- Julia 'Pretty Woman' Roberts is top of the tree, eh?! You're probably right. Another SQ, Janice Dickinson, has labeled Liam Neeson's penis as "the biggest in the world"! You see already, there's a cross-over correlation between the H List and the SQ List.
My nomination for Queen of the Size Queens: Julia Roberts! From her choices for boyfriends and husbands, there is no one there less than 8" and there are a few who are reported to be 9" or more! -- Sara
Sara to peewee -- A few years ago, my girlfriends and I, especially Nicole, were ok with 7's, but then we started a movement: 8 IS THE NEW 7
Now we don't go under 8". Girls get 'size fatigue'. There's a physiological basis to it, large cocks 'ruin' a girl's pussy. A girl's pussy elongates in response to the size of cocks, to be able to take them, so after getting fucked by 8's or 9's, the pussy instinctively elongates to take 8's or 9's, 7's won't fill up the pussy any longer.
peewee to Sara -- Wow! You've dropped 7's! That's impressive Sara. I suppose I am happy for you that you're with such big men. But it's quite intimidating for me to think just what sort of men are enjoying the girl I am in love with. I think it's just an in-built trait for men to be psychologically crushed when confronted by superior manhoods.
Thank you so much for allowing me to be your cuckold, given that my size is clearly so insufficient. I will keep trying to please you in other ways to make up for my joke cock.
Sara to peewee -- As far as who really should be at the top of the list, I've heard it's Julia Roberts. She only dates or marries extremely hung men, doesn't seem to care if they are the right publicity accessory for her career. Kiefer Sutherland, Benjamin Bratt, Liam Neeson, Lyle Lovett. I'm sure her ex-camera man husband is hung as well or why else would she have stolen him from his now ex-wife!
peewee to Sara -- Julia 'Pretty Woman' Roberts is top of the tree, eh?! You're probably right. Another SQ, Janice Dickinson, has labeled Liam Neeson's penis as "the biggest in the world"! You see already, there's a cross-over correlation between the H List and the SQ List.
The SQ List!!!
World Premiere! peewee has prepared the ultimate Size Queen list!
And as you expressed interest in a list of Size Queens, I have compiled the definitive, world-first 'SQ List', with references to demonstrate the credibility of each candidate. The list is:
1. Empress Sara and all her girlfriends
2. Jennifer Aniston
3. Keeley Hazell
4. Janet Jackson
5. Tera Patrick
6. Pamela Anderson
7. Katie Price/Jordan
8. Janice Dickinson
9. Heidi Klum
10.Madonna
11.Gillian Anderson
12.Sarah Brightman
13.Courteney Cox
14.Molly Culver
15.Carmen Electra
16.Elvira
17.Jerry Hall
18.Jenna Jameson
19.Nicole Kidman
20.L'il Kim
21.Tea Leoni
22.Heather Locklear
23.Demi Moore
24.Tara Reid
25.Sarah Silverman
26.Julia Roberts
27.Victoria Silvstedt
28.Nichole Robinson
29.Linda Fiorentino
30.Jenny McCarthy
REFERENCES;
1: http://saras-playroom.blogspot.com/search/label/penis%20size
2: http://www.celebuzz.com/jennifer-aniston-size-queen-s5661/
3: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080509162913AAdRnpa
4: http://www.janet-love.com/2006/09/17/janet-in-q-magazine/
5: http://www.playboy.co.uk/life-and-style/interview/78976/3/Dirty-Dozen-Tera-Patrick/
6: http://www.nowmagazine.co.uk/celebrity-news/273112/pamela-anderson-i-ve-never-seen-a-small-penis/1/
7: http://www.celebricious.com/category/peter-andre/
8: http://www.contactmusic.com/news.nsf/story/dickinson-neeson-has-the-worlds-biggest-penis_1009286
9: http://thatslifeinthecity.blogspot.com/2007/10/heidi-klum-reveals-that-size-does.html
10: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Like_a_Virgin_(song)
11-30 (inc): http://www.upto11.net/artistprofile.php?ar=201479
And as you expressed interest in a list of Size Queens, I have compiled the definitive, world-first 'SQ List', with references to demonstrate the credibility of each candidate. The list is:
1. Empress Sara and all her girlfriends
2. Jennifer Aniston
3. Keeley Hazell
4. Janet Jackson
5. Tera Patrick
6. Pamela Anderson
7. Katie Price/Jordan
8. Janice Dickinson
9. Heidi Klum
10.Madonna
11.Gillian Anderson
12.Sarah Brightman
13.Courteney Cox
14.Molly Culver
15.Carmen Electra
16.Elvira
17.Jerry Hall
18.Jenna Jameson
19.Nicole Kidman
20.L'il Kim
21.Tea Leoni
22.Heather Locklear
23.Demi Moore
24.Tara Reid
25.Sarah Silverman
26.Julia Roberts
27.Victoria Silvstedt
28.Nichole Robinson
29.Linda Fiorentino
30.Jenny McCarthy
REFERENCES;
1: http://saras-playroom.blogspot.com/search/label/penis%20size
2: http://www.celebuzz.com/jennifer-aniston-size-queen-s5661/
3: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080509162913AAdRnpa
4: http://www.janet-love.com/2006/09/17/janet-in-q-magazine/
5: http://www.playboy.co.uk/life-and-style/interview/78976/3/Dirty-Dozen-Tera-Patrick/
6: http://www.nowmagazine.co.uk/celebrity-news/273112/pamela-anderson-i-ve-never-seen-a-small-penis/1/
7: http://www.celebricious.com/category/peter-andre/
8: http://www.contactmusic.com/news.nsf/story/dickinson-neeson-has-the-worlds-biggest-penis_1009286
9: http://thatslifeinthecity.blogspot.com/2007/10/heidi-klum-reveals-that-size-does.html
10: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Like_a_Virgin_(song)
11-30 (inc): http://www.upto11.net/artistprofile.php?ar=201479
Gaywayne BACK to BLACK from MONTREAL!
Sara, I just returned from Montreal with a story that I think you will enjoy....
Of course I went to another Ladies Nite at an all male strip club. After having a few drinks, nothing much was going on, so I was thinking I needed to go to another spot with more action. Then in walked two hot girls who grabbed a table by me along with their white boyfriends. The guys looked straight, not bad-looking guys, but a little nerdy and kind of nervous for not being in their natural environment. They were definitely American, as they were talking about everything they planned to do up here on their weekend in Montreal. It was clear the girls were in control of the weekend plans.
Some white fags danced their way thru a few strip shows, nothing too exciting and way too faggy for the girls in the club to get their attention. Then a couple of really hot-looking and well-hung black guys from the West Indies got on stage to strip. The two girls near me started frantically wooting and cheering at the black studs as their boyfriends looked the other way. I don't think the whiteboyz could take the competition the black men were giving them and were embarrassed how excited their girls were for the black manmeat.
The fun really got started after the black brothas finished dancing and went right over to where they got their loudest cheers. Now I don't know if the white babes were trying to teach their whiteboyz a lesson, or if they were just super drunk or if they were highly sexually charged by the raw dance performance. When the black men went to their table, one of the girls jumped out of her seat and gave one dancer a kiss on the cheek. The other girl asked for a peek inside the other dancer's tight g-string. He just laughed and said, "That will cost your whiteboy some money." The white girl gave her boyfriend a look, and the boyfriend carefully pulled out a five dollar bill from his wallet, but the black guy kept motioning for more, so the cucked boyfriend ended up giving him a total of twenty dollars. Then both the white girls got a peek at the monster equipment in the g-string. Oh my GOD!! one of the girls exclaimed. The other girl pretended to faint and fall back into her chair.
Their whiteboyz were now looking very uptight and confused about what to do and kept looking around at the half empty crowd at the club. After the Afromen left the table, I thought that would be the end of it much to the whiteboyz relief, but things were just getting started and these boys had no idea what they got themselves into.
None of the whitegirlz in the club cared for the other wimpy whiteboy dancers performances. Like I said, they just looked like fagboy strippers, since this was essentially an all male strip club, I guess they were here for gay guys who might be customers on other nites. But when the two black dancers got up on stage again, the screaming started. You would think the club would just hire BBCs for Ladies Nite. Maybe the joint would be more crowded.
This time when the Afromen returned to their table, both girls got up and got right next to the sweaty black brothas. One girl started to grind on the brotha who she had gotten a look at his big black dong. I thought their boyfriends would go out of their minds. This time the girls told the mandingo studs to get tips from their whiteboyz.
The whiteboyz looked very scared and intimidated. In comparison, the white nerds looked skinny and mousy, about 5'8 - 5'9, compared to the 6'2 huge solid muscle black men. They were no match against the brothas. The boyz took their wallets out and gave the Afromen five dollars each. When one brotha said is that all? The whiteboyz proceeded to give the men another five each. To show their lack of appreciation, the brothas both lifted their muscular right leg and put their big thighs over the seated whiteboyz left shoulders to press their massive huge cock and balls against the whiteboyz faces. This got their girlfriends really excited and they cheered the Afromen on in laughter saying: "Yeah baby, show our boyfriends what you're packing." "Yeah make them sniff some dark meat." I wasn't sure if the Afrococks were now getting rock hard and or if they were just hung that hard when limp?
When the dancers left the table, the whiteboyz said they wanted to leave, but the girls said: "No way! We went to the all girl strip club last week for you, now it's our turn!" The girls kept on teasing the boyz saying things like, "C'mon Trent you never jerked off looking at a picture of a naked black man?" or "Hey Rauf (the way she said Ralph?) I bet you loved the smell of the black guy's big sweaty balls that were on your face. You must have wondered what it was like to whiff a black man's jock strap in the locker room, if you haven't already."
When the Afromen came back for the 3rd time the girls would not let up on the embarrassment of their guys. It was painful for me to watch, but also exciting. I longed to have a hot white girl for my girlfriend who would humiliate me in public like this. I used to have a hot girlfriend, yes, but as some of your know from reading about my pre-dick-aments, Sally left me for BBC and still occasionally tells me how hot her current black studs are in voicemail messages late at nite from bars or clubs when she knows I probably have my cell phone turned off. So when I turn it on in the morning and hear a detailed message from her, she knows it devastates my entire day.
Back to the action! For the whitegirlz entertainment this time the black guys grabbed the back of the whiteboyz heads and rubbed their red faces hard against their big scary dark cocoa cocks. They even stood on top of them and proceeded to tea-bag them. Whoever was working the stage lights managed to turn and shine a spotlight on the action and a down and dirty rap song was playing on the sound system.
This time the whitegirlz made the boyz double tip them. I would bet if the whiteboyz walked into this club tonight straight, they were not anymore. The girls loved it. Later when the two white couples left, I jumped at the chance to interview these two special Afromen. Since I'm Sara's personal Canadian correspondent, I thought it was my duty of course. While I bought them both a drink, this is what they had to say:
"It's no big deal mon. We turn a lot of whiteboyz into fags, thought they were straight. Now whitegirlz all go black. We cockwhip the whiteboyz to amuse and for purposes of money. The whitegirlz enjoy and we love turning their whiteboyz into fags in front of their eyes mon."
The other Afrostud continued: "Now we know once the whiteboyz leave here they will be thinking about our black cocks all night long. We planted a seed. It will grow and soon they will stop wanting white pussy altogether."
"This is what happens. In a couple of weeks the whiteboyz will come back here wanting our black cocks rubbed against their white faces again and will pay double. Once we know we have them broken in as our bitches. We make them wait all night long and sometimes we don't give them any. We think it's funny mon. Not getting any white pussy, not any black cock."
"Yeah we know this mon works at a pornshop down the street. He said sales are so big (laughter) of Lexington Steele and Sean Micheal dildo dongs. Because that's the store the whiteboys go to when we don't be giving our black cocks. (more laughter) But on a slow night when tips are low we give them all the cock they need."
His Afro dance mate also added: "The more whiteboyz we turn into queers, the more white pussy for us. Once we decide we are going to turn the whitegirlz boyfriends gay right in front of them."
The other Afrostud concluded: "Girls get very excited. Boyfriends too cowardly to stand up against us. Girls stop giving them pussy. Maybe a creampie? Once and he becomes a faggot."
That is about all they had to say and I'd like to add with all that's going in today's world, one has to wonder how was the white man ever in control? I think the world will be totally ruled by white women and black men soon, evidence of that is already around us.
Of course I went to another Ladies Nite at an all male strip club. After having a few drinks, nothing much was going on, so I was thinking I needed to go to another spot with more action. Then in walked two hot girls who grabbed a table by me along with their white boyfriends. The guys looked straight, not bad-looking guys, but a little nerdy and kind of nervous for not being in their natural environment. They were definitely American, as they were talking about everything they planned to do up here on their weekend in Montreal. It was clear the girls were in control of the weekend plans.
Some white fags danced their way thru a few strip shows, nothing too exciting and way too faggy for the girls in the club to get their attention. Then a couple of really hot-looking and well-hung black guys from the West Indies got on stage to strip. The two girls near me started frantically wooting and cheering at the black studs as their boyfriends looked the other way. I don't think the whiteboyz could take the competition the black men were giving them and were embarrassed how excited their girls were for the black manmeat.
The fun really got started after the black brothas finished dancing and went right over to where they got their loudest cheers. Now I don't know if the white babes were trying to teach their whiteboyz a lesson, or if they were just super drunk or if they were highly sexually charged by the raw dance performance. When the black men went to their table, one of the girls jumped out of her seat and gave one dancer a kiss on the cheek. The other girl asked for a peek inside the other dancer's tight g-string. He just laughed and said, "That will cost your whiteboy some money." The white girl gave her boyfriend a look, and the boyfriend carefully pulled out a five dollar bill from his wallet, but the black guy kept motioning for more, so the cucked boyfriend ended up giving him a total of twenty dollars. Then both the white girls got a peek at the monster equipment in the g-string. Oh my GOD!! one of the girls exclaimed. The other girl pretended to faint and fall back into her chair.
Their whiteboyz were now looking very uptight and confused about what to do and kept looking around at the half empty crowd at the club. After the Afromen left the table, I thought that would be the end of it much to the whiteboyz relief, but things were just getting started and these boys had no idea what they got themselves into.
None of the whitegirlz in the club cared for the other wimpy whiteboy dancers performances. Like I said, they just looked like fagboy strippers, since this was essentially an all male strip club, I guess they were here for gay guys who might be customers on other nites. But when the two black dancers got up on stage again, the screaming started. You would think the club would just hire BBCs for Ladies Nite. Maybe the joint would be more crowded.
This time when the Afromen returned to their table, both girls got up and got right next to the sweaty black brothas. One girl started to grind on the brotha who she had gotten a look at his big black dong. I thought their boyfriends would go out of their minds. This time the girls told the mandingo studs to get tips from their whiteboyz.
The whiteboyz looked very scared and intimidated. In comparison, the white nerds looked skinny and mousy, about 5'8 - 5'9, compared to the 6'2 huge solid muscle black men. They were no match against the brothas. The boyz took their wallets out and gave the Afromen five dollars each. When one brotha said is that all? The whiteboyz proceeded to give the men another five each. To show their lack of appreciation, the brothas both lifted their muscular right leg and put their big thighs over the seated whiteboyz left shoulders to press their massive huge cock and balls against the whiteboyz faces. This got their girlfriends really excited and they cheered the Afromen on in laughter saying: "Yeah baby, show our boyfriends what you're packing." "Yeah make them sniff some dark meat." I wasn't sure if the Afrococks were now getting rock hard and or if they were just hung that hard when limp?
When the dancers left the table, the whiteboyz said they wanted to leave, but the girls said: "No way! We went to the all girl strip club last week for you, now it's our turn!" The girls kept on teasing the boyz saying things like, "C'mon Trent you never jerked off looking at a picture of a naked black man?" or "Hey Rauf (the way she said Ralph?) I bet you loved the smell of the black guy's big sweaty balls that were on your face. You must have wondered what it was like to whiff a black man's jock strap in the locker room, if you haven't already."
When the Afromen came back for the 3rd time the girls would not let up on the embarrassment of their guys. It was painful for me to watch, but also exciting. I longed to have a hot white girl for my girlfriend who would humiliate me in public like this. I used to have a hot girlfriend, yes, but as some of your know from reading about my pre-dick-aments, Sally left me for BBC and still occasionally tells me how hot her current black studs are in voicemail messages late at nite from bars or clubs when she knows I probably have my cell phone turned off. So when I turn it on in the morning and hear a detailed message from her, she knows it devastates my entire day.
Back to the action! For the whitegirlz entertainment this time the black guys grabbed the back of the whiteboyz heads and rubbed their red faces hard against their big scary dark cocoa cocks. They even stood on top of them and proceeded to tea-bag them. Whoever was working the stage lights managed to turn and shine a spotlight on the action and a down and dirty rap song was playing on the sound system.
This time the whitegirlz made the boyz double tip them. I would bet if the whiteboyz walked into this club tonight straight, they were not anymore. The girls loved it. Later when the two white couples left, I jumped at the chance to interview these two special Afromen. Since I'm Sara's personal Canadian correspondent, I thought it was my duty of course. While I bought them both a drink, this is what they had to say:
"It's no big deal mon. We turn a lot of whiteboyz into fags, thought they were straight. Now whitegirlz all go black. We cockwhip the whiteboyz to amuse and for purposes of money. The whitegirlz enjoy and we love turning their whiteboyz into fags in front of their eyes mon."
The other Afrostud continued: "Now we know once the whiteboyz leave here they will be thinking about our black cocks all night long. We planted a seed. It will grow and soon they will stop wanting white pussy altogether."
"This is what happens. In a couple of weeks the whiteboyz will come back here wanting our black cocks rubbed against their white faces again and will pay double. Once we know we have them broken in as our bitches. We make them wait all night long and sometimes we don't give them any. We think it's funny mon. Not getting any white pussy, not any black cock."
"Yeah we know this mon works at a pornshop down the street. He said sales are so big (laughter) of Lexington Steele and Sean Micheal dildo dongs. Because that's the store the whiteboys go to when we don't be giving our black cocks. (more laughter) But on a slow night when tips are low we give them all the cock they need."
His Afro dance mate also added: "The more whiteboyz we turn into queers, the more white pussy for us. Once we decide we are going to turn the whitegirlz boyfriends gay right in front of them."
The other Afrostud concluded: "Girls get very excited. Boyfriends too cowardly to stand up against us. Girls stop giving them pussy. Maybe a creampie? Once and he becomes a faggot."
That is about all they had to say and I'd like to add with all that's going in today's world, one has to wonder how was the white man ever in control? I think the world will be totally ruled by white women and black men soon, evidence of that is already around us.
Friday, August 14, 2009
JerkOff Clown
"It frightens me that I am doing this and think I probably shouldn't do it, but I can do nothing but obey you Sara. I am defenseless to resist your violations of me.
Just a few weeks ago it seemed I was a pretty regular guy, with a pretty regular job, and a pretty regular life. But in just a couple of weeks Sara has turned me into her pathetic jerkoff clown. At Sara’s instruction, I now look in the mirror, stare at my clown face and repeat again and again that I am Sara’s clown.
I play with myself but only with my left hand (I am right-handed) and only with a rubber dishwashing glove on it. I lick up any drippings or discharge. And as if this weren’t enough humiliation, I am now to search for clown fetish porn for stimulation, as Sara says I am a pathetic case and no longer deserving of being stimulated by a woman’s beauty and sexual body parts.. On top of it all, I now must also read over this post again and again and feel the depths to which I’ve sunk, just how pathetic my life has become at the hands of beautiful, intelligent, creative, sadistic Sara. I am now Sara’s pathetic wanker clown."
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
The Black Church Has Moved!
I know quite a few of you have worshipped at the Black Church! The Church of Big Black Cocks that is. Well it has now moved to:
Black Church
So update your bookmarks to the Church's new location! And pray for Black Cock!
So update your bookmarks to the Church's new location! And pray for Black Cock!
Monday, August 10, 2009
Blondes and Blacks
from peewee, intrepid UK blog correspondent....
There is a U.S. reality TV show over here that is getting a lot of attention at present. It's called 'Kendra', after the (former Eagles Cheerleader & Playboy Bunny) star of the show, Kendra Baskett (nee Wilkinson)and is a spin-off from another show, 'The Girls Next Door'.
It caught my eye because the advertising billboards all over the place feature the beautiful Kendra entwined with her big black NFL (New York Giants) husband Hank Baskett. I also thought that Kendra's face reminded me a little bit of you, Empress Sara.
The UK is awash with interracial romance and so this 'Kendra' advertising blitz will only serve to further project the happiness that a hot girl can achieve with a huge black beau.
The E! site link attached, provides all the details of the show, including footage of Kendra with her black stud, and even a scene where she announces to her mum that she is pregnant with Hank's baby - which doesn't go down overly well!
I think you should feature 'Kendra' on your blog, ensuring that your little bloggies watch the show. We can all revel in the reality that this perfect blonde is yet another celeb-u-hottie in the growing number of influential young beauties who are passionately endorsing superior black cock.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Queer Window Part II (by Gaywayne)
Dante said, "You know you can get in trouble with the law for Queer watching at your window while I'm taking a shower." I looked down. I was truly sorry and scared. Because he was in the military, I thought he could report me to both the MP's and the local 5-0 for being a peeping Queer. I told him I was sorry, truly sorry. He said, "Sorry shit. Prove it by watching the gay-ass DVD's here from Sara and Nicole for 2 weeks if you want back your Playboy mags back. Now get on your knees whiteboy."
I was so scared of this big black guy, without hesitation I got right on my knees. Dante got out of my chair and then pulled down his shorts showing off the biggest, most beautiful, well-shaped black cock that I had ever laid eyes on. I was shivering as he proceeded to walk right up to make me stare up close at his massive dong.
Dante said, "This what all you whiteboyz want ain't it? You crave it. Dream about it. Jealous all your white ladies are getting it and leaving you for it huh?" Dante got closer until his massive footlong was almost touching me. I looked down in panic, shame and dizziness.
Dante commanded, "Look at it whiteboy. Drool for it. This is the black prick that's going into all the white women and they're loving it. Now smell it. Take a good whiff of it. Deeper. You whiteboyz are never gonna git white pussy again so smell it." I smelled it and it was nasty. Then Dante grabbed the back of my head and pushed my face hard against his scary huge cock and said, "How does it feel whiteboy, good?" He was getting a little rough. I was scared and I have to confess, excited. I stammered, "It is the loveliest thing my face had ever pressed up against sir." He laughed knowing it was just a matter of time.
Dante said, "Now I want you go to bed tonight and dream about this thing against your face that replaced all you whiteboyz for the whitegirls and keep watching those dvd's, got it?" I nodded yes. Dante was right, I did dream about it. I dreamt about a world where whitegirls only did black men and white men were their slaves, toys or French Maids.
So for two weeks the gay movies of black men dominating whiteboyz were all I watched and I started to fall in love with them. Lisa laughed when I told her on the phone that Dante can keep my Playboys. "He doesn't need them," she informed me, "he can get the real thing anytime. Black men don't need to look at lame photos, porn is for whiteboyz who don't get any. I'm selling your collection on Craigslist and then Dante and I can go to Niagara Falls for a hot weekend of fucking and sucking the next time he gets weekend leave."
Fast forward a few weeks later. I ran into an old girlfriend at a bar. She had just broken up with her latest white boyfriend. When I tried to have sex with her, I could not get it up. I had to think about Dante's big cock against my face to get hard. She said afterwards that I must be turning fag. And that her most recent ex had also turned fag on her. If only she knew.
Fast forward to a few weeks after that. I moved into Lisa's place as a French Maid for her and Dante. If I didn't, Dante was going to report me for being a peeper. I hated my new job and I quit it, no great loss, why do what makes you unhappy in life? I still had the French Maid outfit I had purchased back in Alaska. I shaved myself from the neck down. It was like sissy initiation. Kiss being a man good-bye, if I ever was a real man that is.
I had to address Dante as sir and do as he commanded, get him a beer, rub his sore feet. Lisa's girlfriends thought it was weird when they walked in one afternoon and saw me ironing Dante's military uniforms and black g-strings in my cute outfit. They laughed, "You whiteboys are a bunch of fags." Another time, they got a big kick out of how I thanked Lisa up and down for giving me a condom full of Dante's cum. A reward for cleaning. The girls said, "What a fucking sissy. We're glad we gave up whiteboyz for black men."
Oh did I tell you I haven't gotten any cock from Dante yet? Here I thought I was gonna suck all the cock I needed when I moved in. He told me that it was reserved only for whitegirls. Instead he gave me a website to go to that had a secret password. At the site, black men registered their whiteboy slaves. "Removed from inferior whiteboy smalldick gene pool", was one of the comments I read after a "registration". There was a place to upload photos of the black owners and the whiteboy slaves. I also had to list all of my ex-girlfriends and their contact info. Pictures of me dressed as a French Maid serving Lisa and Dante would be sent to all of them along with a note about how I had been caught and turned into a total Queer slave to a superior black man. At the site, there were slave auctions and trades. I shivered. If I did not serve my Master in a way that pleased him, he could trade or auction me!
Sara and Nicole spoke with Lisa on the phone and laughed at how in my case "be careful of what you wish for" had come true. To move in with Lisa, I had rented out my house. I had given up my regular job here in New York when I went to Alaska, I now had no debts or obligations except to serve the superior black man and of course white women. My fate both scared and exhilarated me. I asked Dante if I would ever be able to suck black cock and he said no, that I could suck off other whiteboy slaves, because we deserved each other's little pinkie dicks. He did say I could lick his balls and lick his ass and lick his feet. So now I have to be content tonguing and lapping and slurping all over my Master's balls, tonguing his superior ass and worshipping his massive feet. He said he might let me suck some pinkie dicks soon. I really don't want to do that, but if it pleases my Master, I must obey.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Calling All Losers!
The latest Loser of the Month has inspired or depressed so many of you to ask, how do I become one of Sara's Losers of the Month!?! Well let me tell you.... All you need to do is submit a pic of yourself, I somewhat dislike posting peenie pics, it's already a given that losers have worthless pindicks and marshmallow nutsacks, so send a regular pic of you that tells a thousand words and all of them are LOSER. You can cut your head off, figuratively, as the Blue Whale did below. But you must write up why you are a loser and be convincing. Email your pic and loser love letter to me on Niteflirt!
Saturday, July 25, 2009
August Loser of the Month!!!!
The Blue Whale!
Hi Sara, please make me the Loser of the Month for August. I noticed you haven't posted any loser of the months lately. So here's my picture. Sorry I had to chop off my head. I mean on the picture. I know I have to write about why I'm a loser to prove I deserve to be your Loser of the Month. First of all I am fat. I can't find clothes that fit me. I sweat a lot in the summer but I have to wear a shirt and tie at my job. But at the end of the day here is what I look like. I know. You're probably thinking gross!!!
I haven't had a girlfriend in about 10 years and 50 pounds ago and she was fat too. I have a small dick about 5 inches. I'm addicted to porn. I live at home with my Mom and my Mom's boyfriend, who is using my Mom because he has no job. He collects disability for a back injury from a job yeeeeears ago. I keep telling her he's a loser and she says to shut-up that the pot don't call the kettle black. Then my fat sister moved back after she got divorced so I had to move to the basement.
It's not bad because after everyone goes to sleep I do my porn and call Niteflirt. And I stealth wank to other things. Like I call my Frequent Flyer club and ask how many miles I have and if there are any specials. I have to fly to another city for work a lot and I have a lot of miles but I haven't flown anywhere else yet. Do you have any suggestions where I should go? Or maybe I should give my miles to a pretty girl. Like you or Nicole. Because no one wants to sit next to a fat guy on an airplane. So I call the Frequent Flyer club and there are only women who answer questions. First of all they say I can find all of my answers at their website but I lie and say I don't have a computer and can't use the work computer for personal surfing. Then they say they understand. So I ask my questions and they answer from a script and I jerk off and then I cum and then I hang up.
I can't think of anything else except I eat a lot too, at work, on my way home from work, when I get home from work, snack all nite on junk food. My Mom says she's going to leave the house to my sister when she dies and nothing to me because she says she saw a few of my paystubs and I make enough money to do something with my life. But I blow it all on food and porn and everyone in my family borrows money from me. Should I remind them of that. But then they will remind me I'm a loser.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Everyone Hates....
the One Minute Bitch!!
on Niteflirt! Her annoying 'One Minute Remaining' cues on Niteflirt calls are like nails on a chalkboard. Many have asked, who is the One Minute Bitch? There are only rumors and an internet urban legend that she was an actual phonesex girl who found her way onto Keen when it first opened for biz back in 1999 timeframe and had the voice that launched a thousand cringes. Because she was in the Bay area, home to the Keen / Niteflirt conglomerate, she was asked to come in and record all the voice prompts we have cum to know and HATE! I wonder if she was paid enough never to do phonesex again, because no one I know said that they've heard her sultry, typo I mean slutty tones live since. Did they give her a piece of the Keen action, so that when Keen was sold to AT&T, she now has shares of stock and is set for life? In that case, why couldn't I have been the One Minute Bitch?
One of my favorite callers has a slightly different theory:
NiteFlirt 1-min Lady (slut) must have been jealous, b/c she disconnected us... and you just don't do that to the royal Queen Sara!!!! (I always knew the one-minute lady was bi.)
Yes, we were disconnected right at the one minute warning mark! That slut!
on Niteflirt! Her annoying 'One Minute Remaining' cues on Niteflirt calls are like nails on a chalkboard. Many have asked, who is the One Minute Bitch? There are only rumors and an internet urban legend that she was an actual phonesex girl who found her way onto Keen when it first opened for biz back in 1999 timeframe and had the voice that launched a thousand cringes. Because she was in the Bay area, home to the Keen / Niteflirt conglomerate, she was asked to come in and record all the voice prompts we have cum to know and HATE! I wonder if she was paid enough never to do phonesex again, because no one I know said that they've heard her sultry, typo I mean slutty tones live since. Did they give her a piece of the Keen action, so that when Keen was sold to AT&T, she now has shares of stock and is set for life? In that case, why couldn't I have been the One Minute Bitch?
One of my favorite callers has a slightly different theory:
NiteFlirt 1-min Lady (slut) must have been jealous, b/c she disconnected us... and you just don't do that to the royal Queen Sara!!!! (I always knew the one-minute lady was bi.)
Yes, we were disconnected right at the one minute warning mark! That slut!
Back on Black!
in which peewee makes me jealous that my current black-male crush is with Miss Wales....
In my most recent UK Jungle Fever Update, which you kindly published on your stupendous blog, I referred to serial celeb-u-hottie shagger, pro footballer (that's a soccer player to all of my USofA bloggies), Jermain Defoe. You will recall Mr. Defoe, because you remarked privately to me that you would love a bit of Jermain yourself but, alas, regretfully believed that you were not his type. Presumably, you based this notion on the knowledge that he has previously seemed preoccupied with busty blonde glamour models, such as Sophie Reade from the Big Brother house (as featured in my more recent contribution to your blog). Well, I do believe his latest 'squeeze' will convince you otherwise. Jermain is dating Imogen Thomas, a former Miss Wales and a former Big Brother contestant. Imogen happens to be a sultry, pretty, 20-something brunette. OK, so she's not 'Sara Standard', but she's undoubtedly hot. And she's known to really like the black cock, as she's dated a string of footballers, mostly black. The attached article features pictures of Jermain with Imogen, and indeed with his previous girls. It's quite clear that he is exactly what girls want.
I am committed to you, and know my place as your cuckold. But if I were to see you publicly become Jermain's new WAG**, flaunting your perfection in front of our nation, that would be hard to take. Especially because he always plays so well against my team, Liverpool! The damned Barsteward!!
He is rumored to be extremely well hung, so yes I am jealous of all the hotties who have tried it out for size! Sara
**WAG = Wives and Girlfriends, Brit acronym for hotties who seek out wealthy footballers to bed and wed, Posh a/k/a Victoria Beckham is Queen of the WAGS....
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Big Brother Black-Male Plot
from peewee, my intrepid UK blog reporter:
The update on Sophie Reade, who you featured on a previous blog post, is interesting. Her fake Big Brother boyfriend has just been evicted and so she is now feigning heartbreak, presumably to avoid alienating the voting public and also to avoid any reprimands for fake romances. But the Big Brother Bosses have hatched a cunning plan to finally expose the romance as a 'showmance'. And how do they intend to do it? Well, how better than to introduce a big black man to the house! Pretty white girls in the UK are absolutely crazy for black guys, as my previous UK Jungle Fever reports have demonstrated, and Sophie is no different. So it will be fascinating to see just how quickly she forgets about her floppy and foppy white ex when she is faced with the enticing prospect of a big black stud! I give it a week - maximum! The article, outlining the 'Black Male' plan, was featured in today's Sunday Star tabloid.
Sunday, July 05, 2009
peewee fears UK Footie has gone totally Queer!
from my intrepid UK blog reporter peewee....
Questions have to be asked. Particularly as it is common knowledge that a top player, Frank Lampard, was interrupted mid-shower by his then-coach, the ever metrosexual Jose Mourinho, to tell him that he was the best midfielder in the world!
Seriously, football in the UK is becoming so queer. It's starting to resemble the volleyball sequence in Top Gun, so much so that I expect ESPN (who have just bought rights to certain Premiership games) will start compiling post-game edit sequences set to the song 'Playing with the Boys'!!!
And now for everyone's GAY viewing pleasure, the Top Gun volleyball scene complete with one of the gayest songs ever! Sara
Questions have to be asked. Particularly as it is common knowledge that a top player, Frank Lampard, was interrupted mid-shower by his then-coach, the ever metrosexual Jose Mourinho, to tell him that he was the best midfielder in the world!
Seriously, football in the UK is becoming so queer. It's starting to resemble the volleyball sequence in Top Gun, so much so that I expect ESPN (who have just bought rights to certain Premiership games) will start compiling post-game edit sequences set to the song 'Playing with the Boys'!!!
And now for everyone's GAY viewing pleasure, the Top Gun volleyball scene complete with one of the gayest songs ever! Sara
Just for Peewee
Exploring Corsica...
"I saw Megan Fox on Yahoo Tuesday, sexy, yes....but I would stride right past her if I saw you out somewhere. I see you as a pretty complex woman, with layers of cynicism and idealism inside. To get to the real Sara would be like exploring... Corsica... :-) not really, well maybe. I mean the complexity of beaches w/ mountains and all that in between."
Yes, I've been 'accused' of being somewhat complex. But I rarely if ever let a man get close enough to me to explore the complexity. Sexually, yes, to men who I deem cock-worthy or fuck-worthy. But since the demise of my relationship with Cuckie Chuckie, I've taken myself out of being girlfriend-able. Fuck-able yes, girlfriend-able no.
Thursday, July 02, 2009
OMG GAYest thing I've ever read!
Since the screen capture is difficult to read, here is the text:
59 yo retired male looking for a discreet bud to meet regularly for JO only. straight guys only no gay stuff. hairy a plus on stomach and chest but please be clean shaven down there. The twist is that I want a bud who can come live with me during storm season so we can go outside and JO during a tornado. My ultimate fantasy is to have us tied with leather belts to pipes like Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton did at the end of the movie Twister and have our feet being sucked up into the vortex and while we are doing that we can JO (poss. handjob exchange) to climax into the vortex. Obviously this is impossible and dangerous to attempt so I would be Ok with just JO looking at a tornado. Let's meet up and find out if you are the regular JO bud I need for the job.
no reply without face + dick pics. are you man enough.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
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