Sunday, December 30, 2007

Any given nite at the club, you will spot....

....South Beach GUIDOS!!!!!

In case any of you missed Sissy Sascha's Comment....

Hi Sara,

I read your blog everyday. Thank you so much for helping small dick sissy losers like myself GO GAY!. I want the entire world to know what a little sissy I have become so I made a video and posted it online. Check me out here:

Hugs and Kisses,

I'm Pissed I Didn't Get This Doll for XXXmas!!

I would turn him gay in no time, I mean I would have him OUTED in no time, cocksucker! Admit it!

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Dark Montreal Meat Part II by Gaywayne!!!

I finally found a parking space without paying because it's free at nite time in Montreal (so why did I get another parking ticket? oh I must have been near a hydrant) So went down the block off of St. Catherine where the Dark Montreal Meat club is. I had to admit I was little scared. The street was dark, lonely, windy, cold and deserted .What girl would come out on a night like this on these unsafe streets to go to the male strip club? I walk down the block and back. I thought I must be on the wrong block. I look at my flier and it said I was not. After worrying about being mugged I looked to the left of me and it had a drawing on the door that looked like a big penis. I thought this got to be it. I must have passed this door twice. I rang the bell and was let in.

I could not believe all the beautiful young girls in the club. What a welcome sight. According to the initials on their sweaters a big group of them came from Montreal University. I bought myself a drink, turned and saw a wimpy little white boy (like the one who passed out the flier on the corner) dancing on stage only to be replaced by another wimpy skinny dancing whiteboy. I came here for this(?) I thought.... To make matters worse, there were a couple of tv screens up on the sides of the stage playing gay porn, two wimpy naked whiteboys giving each other a 69. Now I thought it was cool last nite at the female strip club when their tv show featured two naked girls making out. But to watch boys doing on the screen with a large group of girls there was a little humiliating. After watching a few more boring dancers I realized that they where the same guys on the t.v. screen that made this video.The girls looked a little bored as they were chatting away while drinking and smoking. I also noticed that the waiters were also skinny whiteboys looking and moving awfully faggish. Wearing skimpy G-srings to cover their tiny penises.

I asked the bartender (another skinny whiteboy) "What gives." "How can these wimpy whiteboys hold the attention of all these pretty white girls?" He laughed and said "Do you honestly think they are staying here for them?" I shrugged. "Do you see any of them get tipped yet?" "No." "These whiteboys are strictly a cheap warm-up for the main attraction tonight at eleven." I said what main attraction? The white bartender looked me square in the eye and said, "Do I have to spell it out for you. Don't you know whiteboys have been replaced?" "What do mean by replaced?" I said, a little confused. "Good god man have you been living in the sticks? I mean replaced like the dvd replaced the vhs tapes. Like the ipod replaced the walkman replaced the boombox. Like the cellphone replace rotary phones. Do you get the picture now?" "Yes I get the picture now. Ummm but who replace us?" I said rather dumb-like. He said
"Why it's those big black guys from Jamaica who are hung like a horse and are now coming in droves and making us white bois look like little sissy girlie-men. We're afraid that soon are little white manly asses will be kicked out. If our white boss lady gets more complaints that the girls are getting sick of us. Each day more of them want real men. Not a cheap white imitation of a man. Why do you think so many of us white dudes are turning gay in a big way?" "Why?" "Because white pussy is now strictly off limits to us. More and more white girls prefer black and may only keep us around for a joke, a few laughs like a homo show here, and of course for money." I said "Now I get you." I begin to see the big picture. Why the Jamaican guys come all the way up here where it's freezing cold. I guess it goes back to the French colonies of the West Indies.

I did a shot of Jack at the bar and made my way to the Men's Room. Inside the stall I took off my underwear and pulled a white thong out of my backpack that said "BLACK COCK ONLY". (No shit) I put on my thongs, crossed my heart and went back out to try to fit in. by Gaywayne

Dark Montreal Meat Part I by Gaywayne!!!

(DEDICATED TO NICOLE and all the female dancers who put up with male assholes)

IT was off to the north country of the French GAYLANDS. Saint Catherine Street (Gay district shhhh) in good old Montreal. When I got there I had myself a big dinner at a popular French restaurant in downtown historic district. I went to Montreal because I know the female strippers love the Americans (for their money, even though the exchange rate isn't favorable for the dollar, Americans tend to be more generous tippers than the stingy Quebecois). At one topless club I met five American white guys besides the dance table who were there to party and get drunk, as I was, so I felt right at home.

One hot beautiful blonde named Danielle came over to me and asked if I wanted a lap dance? Being a little tipsy and trying to act cool with my new American buddies, I said, "Hey why are there so many ugly girls in this place tonight? Is that all the best Montreal has to offer?" Danielle said "I beg your pardon?" Hearing a roar of laughter from the guys I knew I was on a roll and said "Hey I seen you shaking it up to that black guy over there. You girls aren't darkie lovers are ya?"
More laughter. Danielle spit this time with, "That man is a paying customer and I don't see what that business is of yours..." I slapped her bottom and replied, "Shove off blondie you're making me bored. She walked away in humiliation. One guy said, "Oh I think you hurt her feelings." "Fuck her." We all cheered and made a toast to that and swallowed our drinks down.

One hot black girl with huge jugs and a stacked booty came up and said for only ten bucks we could have five licks each of her fine ass. I hesitated about that I did not know if she had a disease or something. The guys said, c'mon it will be fun. So one by one they followed her into a booth. The first guy came out giving us the thumbs up so the next guy went in and so on. When it was my turn I downed a shot of Jack and went in the booth. I did not see the black girl, but when I looked up at the low ceiling I saw a 5x5 hole with her asshole pressed on top of the cut-out. I was disappointed I was hoping for her pussy. I gave her 5 licks and yelled "rip-off" and went to the men's room and took a whizz.

When we had our fair share of ass and tits we left. I saw the blonde girl Danielle at the exit door with a big muscular black guy with an earring, I guess a bouncer. Danielle said "For guys who not into interracial love, it was funny to see you all follow the black girl into the booth." I replied rather arrogantly, "Well it's OK if a guy does it." The boys laughed as we walked out of that strip club. We hit a couple of more bars and then went our separate ways. I could not wait to get back to the hotel after walking those cold windy streets when I noticed a skinny little effeminate white guy passing out fliers at the corner. I took one from him. He said nothing to me.

It read: "It's Ladies Nite Saturday 8 p.m. (Tomorrow) at the D.M.M. featuring: Hot male burlesque dancers. Gentlemen also welcomed." In smaller print below it read D.M.M. meaning Dark Montreal Meat. I said to myself -- What bullshit. Only girls should be strippers. Guys who strip must be fags. I think I'll go there just to make fun of them and look cool in front of all those girls.

I woke up the next morning hearing loud banging at my hotel door saying 11am is check-out time. I had a huge headache and a hangover and no aspirin. There was also a parking ticket on my car's windshield. I looked inside my wallet. I asked myself how did I spent that much money? And knew if I was going again to another nightclub tonite I would have just hang out all day on the streets of cold and lonely Montreal and eat at McDonald's and sleep in my car after the club closed to sober up so I would not get a DUI.

To kill time, I checked out all the shops on St. Catherine. Looked at a few Cathedrals and went to an Art Museum feeling lousy all day. A few beggars asked for me for money (mostly teenagers, probably runaways doing drugs). Last time I told them to get a job, but this time I told myself one day I could be in their position and spared some change.

Around evening time when it was getting dark I spent my last few long hours at the Saint Laurence pier. I asked two girls who were making out on the other's lap what time it was. When started to rain hard, I sat in my car for another few hours wondering why I keep coming back here. Driving six hundred miles only to be stopped at the border and wait another hour or two to cross, as if I'm a terrorist or something just because I said that I'm an overnight tourist sight-seeing. What am I supposed to tell those guards? I'm hungry for pussy? Do the Gay guys say "I come to Montreal city because hungry for French-Canadian cock?" Last time I came here they pulled out my French maid uniform (that I put on to wear at a niteclub for Halloween) from my trunk and the lady guard asked, "Where's the woman?" I said that it was a present for my girlfriend. (I lied.) Once I brought a squirting life-like-cock at a porno shop in Montreal. Coming home, I was so embarrassed when the guards opened up the package and spent a long time, laughing, calling over other guards pretending to look inside of it for drugs. I thought if I'm coming here for humiliation I'm doing a good job. Back to my Saturday nite....I tried to nap as the last lonely, but horny hour passed. Finally my clock on the dashboard read 8p.m. I could not believe the time had arrived. So I started up my car on the pier drove off to St. Catherine Street dying for action and excitement.

This true story now gets very embarrassing to tell. Please forgive me -- GayWayne

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Tractor Exhaust Pipe!

When would she have seen a tractor exhaust pipe, did she grow up on a farm? Posh Spice claims that the David Beckham photo for an Emporio Armani ad was not touched up to make his member look ginormous.

"He does have a huge one, though. He does. You can see it in the advert. It is all his. It's like a tractor exhaust pipe!"

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Woman has over 200 Orgasms a Day without Sexxx!

Orgasm Girl

Click on the blog link to read the sexxxy story. Even something simple like riding in the car or her cell phone on vibrate can make her cummmm. I've often thought a hybrid cell phone / vibrator would be a hot invention, but I'd probably burn it out. I'd want to keep it against my clit while driving! Talk about being 'a cell phone distracted driver'. But what I want to know is, if she can have 200 orgasms a day without sex, how many orgasms can she have during sex!

Photo credit UK's News-of-the-World

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

The Enchanted Broccoli Forest - This Week's Recipe Using SPUM

The recipe itself can be picked up on any Google search. But your special topping is to jizz on the trees! Lick off the gizz, suck the broccoli florets. Enjoy!

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Don we now our gay apparel !!

A bloggie sent this to me. Apparently he is dreaming of a gay Christmas....

A Fairy Party?

We are counseled at school to keep our Myspace and Facebook pages tame, that is until we are, at long last, hired for our first real jobs. But what about after? Can we cut loose and indulge our bad selves? This little tink twink put this pic up on his Myspace, one of his co-workers happened to be cruising his Myspace page, grabbed the image and sent it out (with an interesting caption) to everyone on-the-job. The tinkerbell was so embarrassed that he wanted to sue for invasion of privacy, but apparently, what is in the public realm, is no longer private. So be careful of what you put on your Myspace or Facebook pages. Unless you want to be outed or humiliated, which might be what I would want you to do anyway.

hmmm fairies drink Busch Lite? well I can't resist the cliche and say it would keep them lite on their toes...Sara

Sissy Decor-ama

Sara, I am following your instructions. I am selling my masculine bedroom furniture on Craigslist and I'm buying all pink frilly sissy stuff to redecorate and have the perfect sissy bedroom. Then you will know I can never bring a woman home to my condo again. I will be a sissy forever.