Saturday, March 28, 2009

Never Kiss a Hooker!

This is an unwritten law, never kiss a hooker, they don't want your slimy tongue in their mouth! It's ok for your slimy dick to go into their vagina, but no tongue action! Sham Wow Vince broke the hooker law and learned the hard way when the ho bit down on his tongue and wouldn't let go. Apparently, he had to punch her several times before she released her pit bull death grip on his tongue.

The fated pair met at the club Louis at the Gansevoort South Hotel, I should add, a very swanky joint, where Vince claimed Sasha propositioned him for $1,000. So they headed back to the Setai Hotel, also swanky, where he was staying. But more likely he propositioned Sasha: "You're gonna love my nuts!" and she named her price, but after he was slapped into cuffs, Sham-Ow! Vince lied to avoid a solicitation charge.

But somehow Vince looks more worse for wear in his mugshot than Sasha Harris, 26, of Miami. Note busted up face. Note hospital gown. Note weird jacket over hospital gown. No wait, Sasha's pic is from a previous arrest. It seems Sasha has been arrested 2x in the past 2 months, she must be on a first name basis with the PD by now. But after Vince was done Slap Chopping poor Sasha, she had facial lacerations and a few broken facial bones. Shame Wow on Vince! Of course, Sasha is now considering a lawsuit against the tacky product pitchman.

Vince Schlomi photos c/o The Smoking Gun

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Reactions to a Small Dick

Hmmmm she may be dating you, but you didn't say she was fucking you. Most likely, she is fucking larger cock and cucking you....Sara

I have a very small penis. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I've come to terms with it and now I've even found someone who will date me in spite of it. Nevertheless, the moment when I expose myself has always provided a bit of consternation and some interest moments. At the suggestion of some others on other board, I'm posting a few anecdotes based on this experience. Enjoy.

From a blonde who was chewing gum at the time..."So, I mean, is this it???"

"Yikes, Andrea said you were small!"

From another girl, holding it between her index finger and thumb, "Why don't you just use your hand."

I had just gone home with a girl who provided some 420 fun, "Wow...I hope you know how to eat this cooch!"

From a girl who gave me oral, "Well at least there's no chance I'll gag!"

Doggystyle and balls deep, "C'mon baby, you can do it!"

From a sweet girl with a complete look of shock, "Well, it makes your balls look really big."

"Oh, cute. It's like a little button!"

"Do you think it'll ever get any bigger?"

"Do you mind if I just rub it for a while?" And after I came, "Wow, I never thought something so small would make such a mess!"

From the drunk girls...

"You've got to be kidding me! Can I take a picture of that!?!?"

Giggling..."I've seen small cocks before but goddam"

"Sorry, but this is just f'ing pointless!"

As soon as I lowered my pants, "You poor thing!"

After sex and cuddling, "I should hook you up with my friend Stacy. She was saying that small dicks don't bother her."

Mean drunk girl, "I seriously think this is the size of a paperclip. I mean one of those bigger ones." She actually got a paperclip out of her purse and compared.

On breaking up..

"Good luck ever finding someone who wants that pindick."

"I'm telling every single one of my friends that you have a three inch cock. Keep fucking whining and I won't even exaggerate that much!"

"I lied. It is by FAR the smallest fucking cock I've ever seen."

When I found out she was cheating and demanded the truth, "Oh my God, you sniveling little fuck. Because his cock is long and fat and I can actually feel it slide into me."

From Best of Craiglist 2008

Hetero Handjobs are Homo!

One of my Niteflirt callers is into 'hetero handjobs' and referred me to a few sites featuring his fetish. I told him this was quite homo, not hetero. He said that he goes to adult bookstores not to suck cock, but to jerk off with another guy or jerk each other off and claims he's not gay and would never suck cock. I told him it's only a matter of time before a dick slides thru his lips. Another of my callers jerks with his 'other hand' to achieve the 'hetero handjob' feel, he wants to feel like another dude is jerking his cock. Gay!

JUST STOP! It's time to stop being in gay denial. If you're doing something homo, you're gay. Even if you're not sucking or fucking cock, it's just a matter of time, before handjobbing or handhumping becomes old and tired and you need something more to get you off. Like a cock in your mouth....

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Cock Starved on the Road

I wanted to call you last night, but I'm on the road with my band. I was sharing a room with **** and I was trying get caught up on sleep. About 3am **** stumbled into the room with a very drunk girl with him. They came into the room and fumbled taking off their clothes. He went into the bathroom for a while (not sure what was up with that) and in the meantime, she passed out. Then he came out of the bathroom and passed out on the bed next to her as well. So since they had no clothes on and no covers and **** was drunk-snoring, I waited a few minutes, went over and crawled between his legs and sucked his cock. He was unconscious, but still got hard, moaned and it was about 10 minutes before he came, he didn't cum much. I kept the small thick wad in my mouth before swallowing and then got an idea to smear a little bit of his cum on her lips, so **** wouldn't think I sucked him off. It's hard to hook up for cock on the road when you're supposed to be in a band that's dudes into chicks with songs about dudes into chicks and none of the dudes in your band think you're bi or gay or whatever.

I had just finished taking a shower when they woke up and were talking about the blowjob. She acted confused, but then she admitted she must've since she tasted cum on her lips. She said can I suck you again with your friend over there and **** said let him watch. She sucked him hard before climbing off the bed to grab a condom out of her purse. Then she rode him on top. I was stroking under the motel towel and came while she was riding him. Didn't want them to think I was a faggot after all. After they both came, he peeled off the condom and laid it on the night stand. Then they went into the bathroom to shower together. I wanted to get up and grab the condom and pour the cum into my mouth, but there was a rude knock on the door, it was our roadie yelling about we need to get our asses on the road and he gave me a giant sized Dunkin Donuts coffee and left another coffee for ****.

Sara, I do as you say and check Craigslist, Squirt and other sites for action in different cities, and try to look for black guys to suck off, since no black guys would be into our music and wouldn't know who I am. It's just hard when you have no transpo to get around and don't know other cities that well and have no privacy and your bandmates are always bringing around chicks to party and fuck.

Size Queen Panties


Sunday, March 08, 2009

Gimme Moor!

Empress Sara,

I enjoyed your recent blog reference to prior generations prizing the 'small penis'. Although it must be conceded that this was presumably only for aesthetic/artistic purposes - and bore no reflection on the sexual preference of the Greek and Roman women.

Interestingly, a new performance of the popular Shakespearean play, 'Othello' is currently making big waves in the UK, and follows the tale of a Moorish General in the Venetian army, and his pretty blond wife, Desdemona. The play has been getting rave reviews, and stars a black comedian, Lenny Henry, who, in the real world, was fittingly part of one of the very first (of many!!) high-profile UK interracial relationships, with fellow comic performer, Dawn French, now Lenny's wife.

While Shakespeare concentrated on one particular Moorish soldier, the wider back story of this race of conquerers is fascinating. To summarize the Moors' influence in ancient European history, I refer to the oft-quoted speech delivered by the legendary Dennis Hopper, from the film 'True Romance':

"You're Sicilian, huh? You know... I read a lot, especially about things-- about history. I find that shit fascinating. Here's a fact I don't know whether you know or not. Sicilians were spawned by niggers. No, it's-- it's a fact. Yeah. You see, Sicilians have black blood pumping through their hearts. If you-- If you don't believe me, you can look it up. Hundreds and hundreds of years ago, you see, the Moors conquered Sicily. And the Moors are niggers. You see, way back then, Sicilians were like, uh, wops from northern Italy. They all had blond hair and blue eyes. But, well-- then the Moors moved in there, and well, they changed the whole country. They did so much fucking with Sicilian women... that they changed the whole bloodline forever. That's why... blond hair and blue eyes became black hair and dark skin. You know, it's absolutely amazing to me... to think that to this day, hundreds of years later, that-- that Sicilians... still carry that nigger gene. I'm quoting history. It's written. It's a fact. It's written. Your ancestors are niggers. Yeah. And-- And your great-great-great-great-grandmother... fucked a nigger. Yeah. And she had a half-nigger kid. Now, if that's a fact, tell me, am I lying? Cause you-- you're part eggplant."

What would no doubt further amaze this admittedly bigoted character is the fact that, nowadays, "the whole bloodline" of Europe, the USA and the entire Western World is being quickly changed at a rate that even the all-conquering Moors could not achieve. As the pretty white girls in today's society increasingly prize the power of the big black men and their superior penis size, the aesthetically subtle, puny little white dicks, that were once championed by civilized society, are being ignored and, through natural selection, will ultimately be eradicated. No longer is it necessary for the Moors to declare war and steal the pretty girls by force. Today, hot white girls want nothing more than a big black lover. And perhaps Shakespeare's play somewhat missed the point - the only tragedy is that too many beautiful girls have been stuck with little white boys for far too long.

What do you think Empress Sara, with your Italian heritage is it possible that your great great great great grandmother was lucky enough to be one of the first European hotties to experience big black cock? Perhaps that would explain the powerful 'size queen' gene that runs through you and your foxy sis!


yes, peewee, I do believe it could be the Italian heritage...and I shall blog about that in the near future...Sara

Artistically Speaking....

I have received quite a few emails and calls from my blog post on:

When Small Dicks Were In

Dear Sara,

I enjoyed your blog post regarding "When Small Dicks Were In". I can clarify this for you somewhat. Artistically and aesthetically during that time period, small dicks were preferable, as large dicks were consider too vulgar and sexual for art's sake. However, historically, many Roman and Greek women sought out sex with larger men, African gladiators and African slaves for example. (The blog comment already brought up this theory.) Not sure if men seeking out sex with other men during ancient times were size particular. Remember gay love was pushed on Greek soldiers to build a "tighter" army.

your slave

Pitching Tips

Every small dicked betaboy knows the pain of being naked in the locker room. Watch and feel the humiliation Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum endures. Remember The Big Unit's nickname does not cum from his height....

LeeLee's Leash

No wonder why she can pick and choose her scripts....Rumor has it that actress LeeLee Sobieski works discreetly as a Dominatrix and sports quite a few wealthy slaves. This clip from "Walk All Over Me", a flick where she plays a girl who becomes a Domme, after the stereotypical initiation by an older Domina.