Saturday, March 31, 2007

Confession: Asian Office Slave

This is my real life story. First and foremost I am an Asian and married to an Asian Lady. My family moved to Australia from China, I was 15. I went to University to become an Engineer. My marriage was arranged to a Chinese Lady who was a Scientist. Her family was from Beijing like mine, and She had come to Australia too with Her family.

My Wife does not know I am a submissive in the true sense. I cook for Her and our daughters, clean the dishes, do laundry, but She never asked. My daughters clean the house. I also care for the lawn and outside of the house. My Wife handles the finance. I had no idea what Femdomme meant. I worked very hard as an Engineer for an oil company.

My daughters are twins, my Wife can have no more children because of the complications. They are 17 and we have saved for them to go to university. I was an only child, this is the usual in Chinese families because of the government. But my parents hoped for a son to carry on the family. When we were trying to have a baby, my Wife wanted sex all of the time. After my daughters were born, we have very little sex, maybe once a year, maybe not.

My life was ok till I met a young beautiful Girl that worked in my Company. She was named Danielle and she had long dark hair and pale complexion, large breasts. She worked as a translator, the Company had offices in Australia and over Southeast Asia. She would always wear Her hair back and wear business suits with stockings and heels. During lunch we use to talk about movies, food etc.

Gradually, She asked me to buy lunch for Her from a restaurant nearby. Sometimes, She would give me money to buy Her lunch. I would always oblige Her. After a couple of months working together in the same Company She would not give me money when I brought her lunch. She suddenly slapped me and told me that She would pay later. I was shocked at first but maybe I liked to be abused by a beautiful Girl. The next day She asked me to get Her lunch, I was afraid to ask Her for the money and I went to get Her lunch. I began not to eat lunch so I could buy Danielle lunch. My wife said "You are getting very thin". I said it was from the pressure of work.

Then one day Danielle said “My back is killing me, can you massage me.” Without thinking I went behind Her and massaged Her back. After that She spoke very nice to me. When business was slow She calls me to Her office quite often to massage Her back, and neck. Sometimes when I was late getting Her lunch, She would slap me several times. I on the other hand had to do my work and so, sometimes I was late getting Her lunch. I wasn't aware that I was doing Her bidding without knowing that I was becoming Her office slave. When She was upset, She would call me and slap me and kick me for no reason. I was in subspace when I was around Her.

My Wife did not know what was going on in the office. Everyday, I was happy to go to work because I wanted to be dominated by Her. Danielle treated me like I am Her servant.

One time I wanted to see a football (Americans say soccer) match with the Chinese team on the telly. My Wife will not let us have satellite for saving money purposes. I asked Danielle if I could watch the match in Her house since she had satellite service. She said that I could. I told my Wife I am going to watch football at a friend's house from work. She was happy I was doing this since she knows I am shy and have few friends.

I went to her house and She opened the door. When I went inside She said that I could watch the match after I had done some chores for Her. She had her hair down, and was wearing jeans and a sweater that showed her pale belly skin, I could see her belly button was pierced.

I said “sure”. So I cleaned Her dishes and put them in the dishwasher and cleaned the sink and was just sitting on the chair to watch the match when She said that I was not done with the chores, She asked me to clean Her toilet and to take out the trash. I tried to clean the toilet and hurriedly took out the trash. She went into the water closet and saw that I did not do a good job. She was mad and called me names like tiny dick Asian loser and Pekinese dog boy (Peking is an old name for Beijing) and slapped me and said that I was very sloppy. I said I was sorry and I recleaned the toilet.

I stole one of Her panties and to this day I sniff Her panties. I also tasted Her panties and loved it. I wanted to have more of Her intimate apparels, but.... She was mad the next day She saw me at work and said "I know you stole my panties". Then She gave me an envelope. It was an invoice for the panties addressed to me at my home address. The invoice was for 100 AUS dollars. This was difficult for me to pay because my Wife controls the money in the house. She gives me an allowance for lunches and for my car. I had to tell my Wife that it was an emergency for my car, a tyre had a nail in it.

After working with Her for seven months She was transferred to another office in another country of the Company. I was very sad She left. I longed to adore and worship a beautiful Woman. I surfed the internet to find a Mistress. I found Niteflirt and call Ladies and Femdommes.

Once a week I have these feelings of wanting to be dominated by a beautiful Woman. I have to release myself quite often so that I do not get these feelings and spend too much money. I now have an American Express card through the Company for my travels, I pay personal charges (Niteflirt) from payroll deduction. My Wife does not ask why some pay is higher and some is lower.

I love to try golden shower again and smell more panties from a beautiful Girl. When I got married, I told my wife that I had never seen a Woman’s private parts. She showed me and showered me with Her champagne. It was a very long time ago. Well, this is my story.

I hope who reads will understand. I am not a pervert. I want to serve, obey and adore a beautiful Woman.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Squit for my Clit!

Email received today on Niteflirt (misspellings preserved for your reading pleasure):

would love to jack off for you....please send me a picture of you hot little clit so I can squit for you

My response with photo:

Squit for my Clit!

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Phone Sex with Borat?

I got this strange-o email from a dude in Kazakhstan, obviously I don't have enough flesh on my bod, they must like their women 'thick' there? It seems that a site such as Niteflirt is confusing: All these horny, beautiful girls to write to for free! Maybe they'll write back, maybe they'll send free minutes to talk! So many girls, so many pictures, maybe find a wife?


So I saw your profile...and I thought to send a message, try to make friends, but if you do not you would delete this email right now.

So you like to trying Kazakhstan restaurants? If you have to choose a food what would it be: unleavened bread, horsemeat, yellow turnips, red beets or rice.

What movie or book do you like the most (besides the gay)?

What would someone say your greatest passion else in life?

What do you think of your body? need to eat more! Does your family are rich?

Now...last question...Have you date a foreign man?

GAY Blades


GRAPE SMUGGLING! (See Will F. pic above)

Pictures say a thousand words and all of them are GAY!

Blades of Glory opens in theaters (maybe gay theaters too) this weekend. Stinkbob will jerk off to these pics, admit it Stinkbob! I usually threaten to put little fagboys into ballerina outfits, gay, but now, I will threaten to make them dress up in mens' figure skating outfits, gayer!

Sunday, March 25, 2007

My Evil Twin?

Since Sarah Silverman has taken her spot as the actress/comedienne of the moment, I keep hearing, you remind me of.... I take it as a compliment. Thirty years from now, will I have my looks? No, but I'll still have my sense of humor. Though pray I don't look like Phyllis Diller as I get my age on, depends (pun intended), if I stay in South F-L-A, I'll certainly fit in if I do.

Sarah Silverman has her own Sex Advice Column, bitch! Click on the blog post title to read it, uncannily, she gives out the same advice to one inquirer as I had in a much earlier blog entry. A Sex Advice Column has been an idea I had been toying with. So many callers write me with their sex questions, it only makes sense to charge to answer them and then post them on a blog, we'll see. I only have so much time in my whirling universe to devote to blogging.

PS My sister says that she looks more like Sarah Silverman than I do, and I would have to agree, although my sister forbid me to post her photo on my main blog, it is posted on on Slave Blog. My sister also wishes to add that she has a more wicked sense of humor than I do, and would therefore disqualify me from being Sarah Silverman's evil twin. And if I disagree with her, she will beat me up, like she did when we were kids! Girlfight alert!

Friday, March 23, 2007

Inspector Toad and the Muffrippers

Today I went to see those sadists known as the Muffrippers. Korean girls enslaved to work at a nail salon and waxing joint who enjoy giving pretty white girls wax work they will never forget. One girl even blows on my pussy, feel better, she says? At that moment, in that position, it feels incredible. There is nothing I would like better after a hot wax job, than to have a good blow job. After the sadists are done, they will hold up one of those oversized hand-mirrors so you can inspect their handiwork. It's too gynecological, I don't like to look. Nevertheless, my pussy and arse orifice feel so smooth, so sensitive, this is the ideal time to get fucked or licked, but rarely is there such 'daylight' service available from my fucktoys.

But tonite before I go to work, Inspector toad will have an assignment, to inspect my pussy, to see if the Muffrippers did quality work. He will not be allowed to touch, or lick or kiss, only gaze upon what he will never have, and advise me of his inspection report for the sweet sum of 200 clams, unbearded of course.

In the Dickhouse

One of my callers suggest that I submit some of my clever Sara-isms to I've got to get a list together!

Here are a few gems from a quick cruise thru the dick-tionary:

* * * * *

dicklexic: Getting the holes back to front

Says woman to man, "OUCH not in there! what are you? dicklexic?"

From Sara: Yes, it's happened to me, ouch!

* * * * *


One who constantly hosts cock in his ass.


1. Using another person's oriface as a means to place your penis in for long periods of time or 2. A place where the vast majority of people will be males i.e. prisons, fraternities,etc.

"shut up Cliff before I make your mouth my dickhouse."

From Sara: I want to turn all my gayboys into dickhouses! yeya

You can check out by clicking on the blog post title.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Heidi Klum -- Cuckoldress?

Just 3 months after she had her daughter Leni by Italian entrepreneur, Flavio Briatore, she began 'dating' Nigerian / Brit singer Seal. She now has 2 sons by Seal, who she since married, but still collects child support for her daughter.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007


I am so jealous of Sara's slave dr. fatfuck, I'm a dr. too, but not a rich one. I'm up here in Canada, land of socialized medicine, being a dr. up here, and divorced, I might as well be driving a cab. I'm a gyno, but I should have been a fertility specialist. You can operate outside of the national health scheme and charge $20K Canadian for a year of consultations and tests, etc. Childless couples are desperate. I told Sara she should sell some of her perfect eggs. I know a couple of dr.'s up here who would fly her up and pay her $30K US to extract some. But she told me she'd already thought about using her eggs to pay grad school tuition, she's seen plenty of ads, but she doesn't want her eggs exposed to potentially inferior sperm. She only wants her eggs mating with alpha males. Who can blame her?

Monday, March 19, 2007

Today is DICKDAY!

I don't want my blog to be covered with dicks, but I couldn't resist posting this nasty pic floating around the internet of Parisuckit Hilton (or a pretty damn close lookalike) getting ready to blow Cee-lo (the rapper from Gnarls Barkley). Now that is a suckable and fuckable BBC. You know I've told alot of you little fags that I want you to become chickenheads for rappers! (chickenheads are those little chicken toys that bob up and down and slang for the girls who rappers keep around just to orally service them and their posse)

Pimple Dick


An apt name because pimples are something girls hate and wish they would just go away! Plus, icky stuff comes out when you squeeze them!

Saturday, March 17, 2007

My St. Patty's Day Serving Wench Outfit -- I Wish :-(

The boss at the club said we cocktail serving wenches could wear something green for St. Patty's. If I had only known about this dress in time for a pet, slut or slave to buy it for me to wear to work 2Nite. I would have definitely garnered plenty of attention and GREENERY. But better yet, I could have made slave toad order the ATM costume and then stood him in a corner as my own personal ATM.

Take a Scroll

An alert reader emailed that Jeremy Piven and the Geico Caveman kinda look alike! Take a scroll down and yes, I see the resemblance.

The GAY Theories -- you are one or the other!!!


When I took a class in Biology in 2004, we did the classic experiment where we grow fruit flies. And observe their behavior. Fruit flies have orgies, group orgies! Who knew? And fruit flies are in the forefront of gay gene research too. Click on the blog post title above to read about their faggotry (is this where the term fruit came from?) This theory, therefore, is The Genetic Theory.


This next theory is one that Nicole and I talk about, especially when we are out having drinks and want to draw attention to ourselves. This theory we call The Availability Theory. If no females are available, men will have gay sex with one another. The proof is in the salad. Salad tossing that is, prison sex, dropping the soap, hanging up the privacy sheet, etc. But Nicole and I have postulated an even more insidious take on The Availibility Theory. One so simple, we overlooked it for the longest time, till it smacked us in the ass.

If a loser wimp beta boy does not have a female or females available for sex, he will cross over to gay.

And most loser wimps and betas have lost sexual contact with females. Women are reserving sexual access to their bodies for 'real men' only. Unless you count creampie eating or sex with hookers. And I've heard from NF callers, the ones who have had experiences with hookers, that more than a few hookers have taken their $ and laughed at them or their peenie, left, and did not even blow them or fuck them. So even hookers are figuring out, they don't have to service losers.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Batman and Robin really are GAY

I knew it! Fags in tights who slide on batpoles....

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Humiliation Facesitting Finalists

Mr. Pathetic loves facesitting and facefucking. But he is so uber-pathetic that I told him he can no longer imagine the likes of Jessica Biel, Beyonce or J-Lo sitting on his face and smothering him. So I chose a few other lasses with asses to assume the roles of his fantasy fodder, namely Rosie O, the pre-gastric bypass Star Jones, and Tonya Harding to take over. You may say, Tonya Harding, whaaaaa? But this, faithful blog reader, is what Tonya Harding looks like today....

And better yet, she lives in a trailer.

Tuck Job

Recently, I've had a few gayboys call and ask about how to do a tuck job to hide their pitiful peenie. Let's have Van Wilder show us how. To hold it in place, one can squeeze it between the thighs or use some cosmetic tape, available at beauty supply stores. Personally, Ryan Reynolds has a bit too much of a bush here for my snatch patch tastes, but at least his tuck is in good form.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Stinkbob will ruin your day!

This photo is apparently so terrifying, after I posted this lovely pic of Stinkbob on my slave blog, I scarred one friend's brain and ruined my sister's weekend. Stinkbob needs more humiliation anyway for being March's Biggest Loser! So I'm posting his photo on my main blog. Now everyone can turn to stone or 'vom' after looking at it.

Stinkbob is a Niteflirt fan of mine, well actually he's quasi-obsessed with me. Since flirtmail is free, he writes me incessantly, but only calls me once or twice a month for like a minute. Typical call:

Mistress Sara? (unmistakable whiny voice)

Oh gawd, it's you Stinkbob. Are you going to spend more than $2 on me this time, you worthless old shriveled prune-dicked faggot?

No Mistress Sara I can't I'm on a pension. I've been jerking off all day to your photos. I thought I would call you since I saw you were URRRRGHARRRRGHOHHHAAARGH UNGGGOOHHH click

The only thing worse than looking at a photo of Stinkbob, is hearing the Stinkbob have an orgasm.

The Squirtini -- This Week's Recipe Using SPUM

The Squirtini

2 oz. Gin or Vodka
2 drops Dry Vermouth (use less vermouth for a drier martini)

Gizz into the glass, then pour the vodka and vermouth.
Stir. Garnish with two cocktail onions speared with
those tiny plastic swords to symbolize the demise of
your pathetic balls. Then bottoms up! Literally.

Friday, March 09, 2007

The Geico Cavemen....

....may get their own tv show. At least they're getting a pilot courtesy of ABC. But all I want to know is, do they have big cocks?

TV Guy-ed

Celebrity Tidbit

**Jeremy Piven was approached by an attractive woman in Chicago recently - but quickly realized all was not what it seemed. He says, "She was just incredible. As I was looking at her I realized, 'Wait a minute. She's as aggressive as any man would be.' "I looked at her and said, 'Did you used to be a man?' And she goes, 'Of course, baby.'**

JP claims that they did not have a dangerous liaison, but somehow
I think the story had a different 'happier' ending....

Plus I know girls can be just as aggressive as dudes if they want to get fucked, the lioness in them comes out. So I doubt it was just 'aggression' that tipped JP off. Adam's Apple?

Click on this post's title for a link to a tranny dating test from OK Cupid (aka OK Stupid).

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Bribbit Bribbit

Slave toad has been taking me to screenings at MIFF (Miami International Film Festival) and paying for the privilege, $200 per "date", including dinner and a movie, haha, I like this type of dating, and no sex, not even a kiss, unless he pays extra to kiss my feet. And I have imposed a penalty fee if anyone I know sees us, an extra $100, and a higher penalty fee if anyone he knows see us, $200 (this idea thanks to my advisor -- Mr. S). So far, we were espied by someone he works with and toad had to fork out an extra $200. Yay for me. Must run as I am off to see fatfuck for a punishment session. My blog about my RT slaves will be coming soon, I will be working on it later today after I'm done dealing with fuck.

PS Yes that is a picture of toad


Lately I have been getting the most bizarre spam. Mostly from overseas pharmacies with headers such as: BuYPhEn Ter MiNE NoW!! Phentermine is an appetite suppressant. If I lost any more weight, I'd be a stick puppet. But here is a spam I got today for an overseas pharmacy with their link, but what is this text? Is this translation of a foreign text into English using one of those rough translation programs, someone enlighten me...Does this give the spam a higher likelihood of clearing spam filters because of the amount of text?

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Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Feets have failed me....

As I've told Sara, I have a totally out of control foot fetish. All I can think about and jerk to are pretty feet. I look at sites on the internet, magazines, girls in real life, you name it. I wouldn't say I'm a loser, but I can't seem to keep a woman in my life. When I'm with someone, I just want to indulge their feet, worship them. They are into it a little at first, but then get tired of it, as my most recent girlfriend called me out on it, I was too "obsessive". She also said when she was breaking up with me "why don't you just go suck a cock".

I have no desire to stick a dick in my mouth, just a girl's pretty foot or toes. But Sara told me that there are several theories about this fetish, and one of them is that a girl's foot symbolizes the cock in a latent homosexual context. Another is that a fetishist can't relate to a woman's body as a whole, that it is too overwhelming, that they can only relate to a part of her body, and the foot is usually the most popular to worship. The other is that at a critical moment when I was a boy, I must have seen a woman's foot, got a woodie, and it burned a deep impression into my horny boy brain, and that's what gets me going.

I think it is choice #3. I do remember seeing girls feet on the beach when I was growing up in Myrtle Beach. But Sara asked if I looked at the girls bodies too, and I just remember looking at their feet, because I was worried my Mother might catch me looking at their bodies, so looking at their feet was a safe way to get excited, but not to get into trouble. Sara saved me a lot of money over going to a shrink, and she also told me that if I can't find someone who is into my fetish as much as I am, that I need to tone it down so I don't scare the girl away, and indulge my fetish on Niteflirt or jerk to magazines. It's been what I've been doing for years anyway, so I might as well keep doing that. Next girl I meet, I'm not even going to look at her feet. Well, maybe....

Friday, March 02, 2007

Lacey's Web

Sara, I am in trouble over a stripper named Lacey. She is so beautiful, I am so weak. Anyway, she makes me go to the strip club and she sits me in the corner and doesn't let me look at her or any of the strippers. She gives me a writing assignment with a notebook, where I have to write 100 times: I am a useless gay assfuck, or I am the biggest loser of all time or I worship Mistress Lacey. And she makes me pay at least $100 for the privilege. Then after I finish my writing assignment, she might put a pair of her heels on the table where I'm sitting if I pay her $50 per shoe. She will force me to buy a bottle of champagne for $200 that I have to send to the stripper's dressing room. If I'm lucky and give her another $50 she might pour some into one of her heels and tell me to drink it. Then she brings out a bill or two for something like her electric or cable tv, but she won't let me see her name, and I have to give her that amount to pay.

So a night at the club could end up costing me a thousand or more and I have to do this once a week. If I don't, she will take the pictures of me at the club from her camera phone and the writing assignments which I had to sign and send them to my wife.

My wife and I are realtors and my picture is on billboards with my wife and Lacey recognized it. This all happened after a night where my wife was out of town at some seminar and I decided to get a little naughty. I bought lap dances from Lacey all night, but I think she knew I was a weak loser and decided to take over from there. I was so drunk I don't remember that someone took pictures of Lacey sticking her boobies in my mouth or that my pants got unzipped and my embarrassment of a dick was in between her butt cheeks as she was grinding on my lap.

I can't afford to keep doing this, but I can't afford not to. So I am working harder to sell more real estate. This makes my wife happy even though I'm not home as much as I used to be. Because my wife just wants us to buy a vacation home and trade in her Expedition for a Hummer. But she doesn't know that as fast as I am making it, my stripper problem is taking it.


My confession is that I am 50 years old, I know even that sounds pathetic. I was married in my 20's for a few years to a girl who cheated on me the whole time, I didn't know she was cuckolding me, I just thought it was cheating. I didn't understand at that time that my little dick couldn't do anything for a woman. As Sara told me, a little dick is useless. Sara told me she is confident that little dicks will be de-evolutionized over time, like the appendix and the little toe are supposed to.

My dick can't even be used for directional purposes for peeing, I can't stand at a urinal, I have to sit down to pee, and this was even before a Mistress ever told me to. I know I'm not a real man.