Sunday, December 30, 2007

Any given nite at the club, you will spot....

....South Beach GUIDOS!!!!!

In case any of you missed Sissy Sascha's Comment....

Hi Sara,

I read your blog everyday. Thank you so much for helping small dick sissy losers like myself GO GAY!. I want the entire world to know what a little sissy I have become so I made a video and posted it online. Check me out here:

http://www.pornotube.com/media.php?m=1475242


Hugs and Kisses,
Sascha

I'm Pissed I Didn't Get This Doll for XXXmas!!



I would turn him gay in no time, I mean I would have him OUTED in no time, cocksucker! Admit it!

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Dark Montreal Meat Part II by Gaywayne!!!

I finally found a parking space without paying because it's free at nite time in Montreal (so why did I get another parking ticket? oh I must have been near a hydrant) So went down the block off of St. Catherine where the Dark Montreal Meat club is. I had to admit I was little scared. The street was dark, lonely, windy, cold and deserted .What girl would come out on a night like this on these unsafe streets to go to the male strip club? I walk down the block and back. I thought I must be on the wrong block. I look at my flier and it said I was not. After worrying about being mugged I looked to the left of me and it had a drawing on the door that looked like a big penis. I thought this got to be it. I must have passed this door twice. I rang the bell and was let in.

I could not believe all the beautiful young girls in the club. What a welcome sight. According to the initials on their sweaters a big group of them came from Montreal University. I bought myself a drink, turned and saw a wimpy little white boy (like the one who passed out the flier on the corner) dancing on stage only to be replaced by another wimpy skinny dancing whiteboy. I came here for this(?) I thought.... To make matters worse, there were a couple of tv screens up on the sides of the stage playing gay porn, two wimpy naked whiteboys giving each other a 69. Now I thought it was cool last nite at the female strip club when their tv show featured two naked girls making out. But to watch boys doing on the screen with a large group of girls there was a little humiliating. After watching a few more boring dancers I realized that they where the same guys on the t.v. screen that made this video.The girls looked a little bored as they were chatting away while drinking and smoking. I also noticed that the waiters were also skinny whiteboys looking and moving awfully faggish. Wearing skimpy G-srings to cover their tiny penises.

I asked the bartender (another skinny whiteboy) "What gives." "How can these wimpy whiteboys hold the attention of all these pretty white girls?" He laughed and said "Do you honestly think they are staying here for them?" I shrugged. "Do you see any of them get tipped yet?" "No." "These whiteboys are strictly a cheap warm-up for the main attraction tonight at eleven." I said what main attraction? The white bartender looked me square in the eye and said, "Do I have to spell it out for you. Don't you know whiteboys have been replaced?" "What do mean by replaced?" I said, a little confused. "Good god man have you been living in the sticks? I mean replaced like the dvd replaced the vhs tapes. Like the ipod replaced the walkman replaced the boombox. Like the cellphone replace rotary phones. Do you get the picture now?" "Yes I get the picture now. Ummm but who replace us?" I said rather dumb-like. He said
"Why it's those big black guys from Jamaica who are hung like a horse and are now coming in droves and making us white bois look like little sissy girlie-men. We're afraid that soon are little white manly asses will be kicked out. If our white boss lady gets more complaints that the girls are getting sick of us. Each day more of them want real men. Not a cheap white imitation of a man. Why do you think so many of us white dudes are turning gay in a big way?" "Why?" "Because white pussy is now strictly off limits to us. More and more white girls prefer black and may only keep us around for a joke, a few laughs like a homo show here, and of course for money." I said "Now I get you." I begin to see the big picture. Why the Jamaican guys come all the way up here where it's freezing cold. I guess it goes back to the French colonies of the West Indies.

I did a shot of Jack at the bar and made my way to the Men's Room. Inside the stall I took off my underwear and pulled a white thong out of my backpack that said "BLACK COCK ONLY". (No shit) I put on my thongs, crossed my heart and went back out to try to fit in. by Gaywayne

Dark Montreal Meat Part I by Gaywayne!!!

(DEDICATED TO NICOLE and all the female dancers who put up with male assholes)


IT was off to the north country of the French GAYLANDS. Saint Catherine Street (Gay district shhhh) in good old Montreal. When I got there I had myself a big dinner at a popular French restaurant in downtown historic district. I went to Montreal because I know the female strippers love the Americans (for their money, even though the exchange rate isn't favorable for the dollar, Americans tend to be more generous tippers than the stingy Quebecois). At one topless club I met five American white guys besides the dance table who were there to party and get drunk, as I was, so I felt right at home.

One hot beautiful blonde named Danielle came over to me and asked if I wanted a lap dance? Being a little tipsy and trying to act cool with my new American buddies, I said, "Hey why are there so many ugly girls in this place tonight? Is that all the best Montreal has to offer?" Danielle said "I beg your pardon?" Hearing a roar of laughter from the guys I knew I was on a roll and said "Hey I seen you shaking it up to that black guy over there. You girls aren't darkie lovers are ya?"
More laughter. Danielle spit this time with, "That man is a paying customer and I don't see what that business is of yours..." I slapped her bottom and replied, "Shove off blondie you're making me bored. She walked away in humiliation. One guy said, "Oh I think you hurt her feelings." "Fuck her." We all cheered and made a toast to that and swallowed our drinks down.

One hot black girl with huge jugs and a stacked booty came up and said for only ten bucks we could have five licks each of her fine ass. I hesitated about that I did not know if she had a disease or something. The guys said, c'mon it will be fun. So one by one they followed her into a booth. The first guy came out giving us the thumbs up so the next guy went in and so on. When it was my turn I downed a shot of Jack and went in the booth. I did not see the black girl, but when I looked up at the low ceiling I saw a 5x5 hole with her asshole pressed on top of the cut-out. I was disappointed I was hoping for her pussy. I gave her 5 licks and yelled "rip-off" and went to the men's room and took a whizz.

When we had our fair share of ass and tits we left. I saw the blonde girl Danielle at the exit door with a big muscular black guy with an earring, I guess a bouncer. Danielle said "For guys who not into interracial love, it was funny to see you all follow the black girl into the booth." I replied rather arrogantly, "Well it's OK if a guy does it." The boys laughed as we walked out of that strip club. We hit a couple of more bars and then went our separate ways. I could not wait to get back to the hotel after walking those cold windy streets when I noticed a skinny little effeminate white guy passing out fliers at the corner. I took one from him. He said nothing to me.

It read: "It's Ladies Nite Saturday 8 p.m. (Tomorrow) at the D.M.M. featuring: Hot male burlesque dancers. Gentlemen also welcomed." In smaller print below it read D.M.M. meaning Dark Montreal Meat. I said to myself -- What bullshit. Only girls should be strippers. Guys who strip must be fags. I think I'll go there just to make fun of them and look cool in front of all those girls.

I woke up the next morning hearing loud banging at my hotel door saying 11am is check-out time. I had a huge headache and a hangover and no aspirin. There was also a parking ticket on my car's windshield. I looked inside my wallet. I asked myself how did I spent that much money? And knew if I was going again to another nightclub tonite I would have just hang out all day on the streets of cold and lonely Montreal and eat at McDonald's and sleep in my car after the club closed to sober up so I would not get a DUI.

To kill time, I checked out all the shops on St. Catherine. Looked at a few Cathedrals and went to an Art Museum feeling lousy all day. A few beggars asked for me for money (mostly teenagers, probably runaways doing drugs). Last time I told them to get a job, but this time I told myself one day I could be in their position and spared some change.

Around evening time when it was getting dark I spent my last few long hours at the Saint Laurence pier. I asked two girls who were making out on the other's lap what time it was. When started to rain hard, I sat in my car for another few hours wondering why I keep coming back here. Driving six hundred miles only to be stopped at the border and wait another hour or two to cross, as if I'm a terrorist or something just because I said that I'm an overnight tourist sight-seeing. What am I supposed to tell those guards? I'm hungry for pussy? Do the Gay guys say "I come to Montreal city because hungry for French-Canadian cock?" Last time I came here they pulled out my French maid uniform (that I put on to wear at a niteclub for Halloween) from my trunk and the lady guard asked, "Where's the woman?" I said that it was a present for my girlfriend. (I lied.) Once I brought a squirting life-like-cock at a porno shop in Montreal. Coming home, I was so embarrassed when the guards opened up the package and spent a long time, laughing, calling over other guards pretending to look inside of it for drugs. I thought if I'm coming here for humiliation I'm doing a good job. Back to my Saturday nite....I tried to nap as the last lonely, but horny hour passed. Finally my clock on the dashboard read 8p.m. I could not believe the time had arrived. So I started up my car on the pier drove off to St. Catherine Street dying for action and excitement.

This true story now gets very embarrassing to tell. Please forgive me -- GayWayne

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Tractor Exhaust Pipe!



When would she have seen a tractor exhaust pipe, did she grow up on a farm? Posh Spice claims that the David Beckham photo for an Emporio Armani ad was not touched up to make his member look ginormous.

"He does have a huge one, though. He does. You can see it in the advert. It is all his. It's like a tractor exhaust pipe!"

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Woman has over 200 Orgasms a Day without Sexxx!



Orgasm Girl

Click on the blog link to read the sexxxy story. Even something simple like riding in the car or her cell phone on vibrate can make her cummmm. I've often thought a hybrid cell phone / vibrator would be a hot invention, but I'd probably burn it out. I'd want to keep it against my clit while driving! Talk about being 'a cell phone distracted driver'. But what I want to know is, if she can have 200 orgasms a day without sex, how many orgasms can she have during sex!

Photo credit UK's News-of-the-World

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

The Enchanted Broccoli Forest - This Week's Recipe Using SPUM


The recipe itself can be picked up on any Google search. But your special topping is to jizz on the trees! Lick off the gizz, suck the broccoli florets. Enjoy!

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Don we now our gay apparel !!



A bloggie sent this to me. Apparently he is dreaming of a gay Christmas....

A Fairy Party?


We are counseled at school to keep our Myspace and Facebook pages tame, that is until we are, at long last, hired for our first real jobs. But what about after? Can we cut loose and indulge our bad selves? This little tink twink put this pic up on his Myspace, one of his co-workers happened to be cruising his Myspace page, grabbed the image and sent it out (with an interesting caption) to everyone on-the-job. The tinkerbell was so embarrassed that he wanted to sue for invasion of privacy, but apparently, what is in the public realm, is no longer private. So be careful of what you put on your Myspace or Facebook pages. Unless you want to be outed or humiliated, which might be what I would want you to do anyway.

hmmm fairies drink Busch Lite? well I can't resist the cliche and say it would keep them lite on their toes...Sara

Sissy Decor-ama


Sara, I am following your instructions. I am selling my masculine bedroom furniture on Craigslist and I'm buying all pink frilly sissy stuff to redecorate and have the perfect sissy bedroom. Then you will know I can never bring a woman home to my condo again. I will be a sissy forever.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Happy XXX-giving!



Have a memorable XXX-giving! Gobble some turkey!

One of my fave new blogs!



Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians!!!

It's too funny.... Click on this blog post title to jump to MWLLOL....

I submitted Tom Petty as a suggestion, his lesbian fineness made it onto the blog.

Be sure to submit your suggestions!

Monday, November 19, 2007

Wrestleman-ia A Gay Confession

Sara, I confess I was outed as gay in high school. I used to go over to my girlfriend's house and I would wrestle her brother in the basement before I would hang out or go out with her. She totally called me on it, first of all she said she thought wrestling was gay and then she discovered me hard after one of our wrestling match-ups. She called me a faggot and told me she was going to tell everyone. I told her that if she did, it was going to be as bad for her to have a gay brother, and bad for her brother too. She hated her brother, so didn't care about him, but she didn't want to have the mark of having a gay brother. But I'm pretty sure she did tell some of her friends because I would see them looking at me and giggling. And I never had another girlfriend in high school. Every girl I asked out blew me off. I like wrestling guys and then sucking their dicks. I post on Craigslist that I want to wrestle first. Usually big strong tops who want to dom me respond. Thanks for keeping me gay and not letting me think about girls.

Cycle-Sexual!


Man arrested for humping bike! Now that is a new one.... Usually guys will hump pillows, furniture, a sex toy, but a bike??? Yes, we have a cycle-sexual! Maybe his bike had a sheepskin seat! (wink wink) Ewwwwwww or should I say 'Ewwwwwwwe'

Click on the Title of the Blog Post for the story

Saturday, November 10, 2007

10 Drinks Faggyboys Should Order!!

This list is modified from Restaurant Miami's list of drinks real men shouldn't order ;-)

Gayboys should order:

1. Light Beer

2. White Zinfandel

3. Drinks with straws, use the straw

4. Jello Shots

5. Fruity, flavored malt beverages

6. Drinks with excessive garnishes

7. Any drink ending with -TINI that isn't a true Martini

8. Cosmo's (Cosmopolitans)

9. Anything topped with whipped cream or cherry

10. A Margarita other than in a Mexican restaurant

His Palfrey Was Found! I love spam

Chillarious spam amuses me....

FW: retard Polynesian VlcAGRA$1.30 receivership ClgALlS$1.50 wooded

Buy online http://www.charlottenorthern.com

the mob broke the line of gold cloaks. Afterward . . . well, his palfrey was found, but not the rider. Aeron snorted. That Steffarion Sparr had been given to the Drowned God soon after birth he had no fumbling at his wine cup with his right. He watched Addam Marbrand charm the girl beside him, Point, a dismal land of bogs and pine barrens; the left-hand ran through hills and fields and woods


Electric Nut Grind -- Japanese Doritos have the right idea!



Electric Nut Grind

Yes, something was lost in translation, but something utterly hilarious was gained. These black corn, chili-taco flavored chips belong to a Japanese Doritos promo called "Tights-kun Doritos" or "Buddy-boy in tights Doritos." Buddy-boy is an animated porn character and fans are collecting variations on the packaging.

The Japanese characters on the far right of the package read, 'denki anma,' or 'revived by electric nut-grind!' I like giving electric nut grinds to fagboys myself....

Stubby's Story -- Part IV of IV

Part IV --

That next week in the hospital I was worried that I would lose both my wonderful balls. All the girls from the tent visited once and we talked in low voices about my accident and laughed at the whole situation, as it was humorous, even to me. The girls loved it. I even let them have a peek at my still swollen ball sac, with new scar, and filled with just one ball for the moment as one was so crushed it had to be removed. The other may survive.

They all assured me that if I lost both my balls I would be in great demand with the ladies and get all the fucks I wanted, as I would be safe. I remember kind of hoping for that. Then the brunette, Cindy, said that without my balls I would not be able to get an erection, which made us all quiet for a moment. They all laughed again when I told them I still had my tongue. Stephanie was the one who remained saddened and quiet, and I told her that I did not blame her.

I was lucky, the doctor said, as I would lose only my left nut. I felt relief, as now I could still get erections. Yes, I had lost my nut, but a big part of me felt it was worth it after seeing the reactions of all those girls. Not that much pain, and great joy from the ladies. It felt good to be exposed to those girls that night.

After I left the hospital, Stephanie made sure I could still get an erection and ejaculate, with some personal hands on attention. She seemed much better after I shot wads of cum all over her face. Still our relationship did not last much longer after that, and her next boyfriend was one of our school’s black students, whose huge dick always amazed the guys in the showers. I was glad for her, and envious of him.

I soon realized that I had a unique set of equipment left between my legs that many of the females in school, and later college, wanted to see for themselves. I found myself enjoying the embarrassing self-humiliation of exposing myself to curious females in out of sight places. Some just looked, some touched, some fondled and got me hard, and a few ended up with cum wads dripping on them. They had all kinds of reactions, my favorite being “Ewwwwwww,” but all of them were pleased and entertained and enjoying themselves. A few woman were sorry about my accident, not wanting to add to my hurt with ridicule, and I can understand that. But they really did not understand how I felt about my own humiliation and embarrassment. The ones that went Ewwwww! The ones that giggled and laughed or teased me about my manhood and story, and enjoyed it, if only for the moment. I did that for them. Pleased them.

Over time, such humiliation by women immediately led to a hard-on for me, and some unique erotic experiences. I wouldn’t have it any other way now, unless I had a thick donkey dick and nuts the size of tennis balls. But that may be in my next life, or now, by having my woman pleasured with a over-endowed stud. Yes, I am a willing cuckold, and several of my girlfriends have loved that.

Such is life! We get the pleasure were we can, and with what we are given. I have had much pleasure over the years from my manly shortcomings. Much like a succubus, I enjoy the pleasure and power the women feel over me, and the excitement I feel from the embarrassment and humiliation many women openly and honestly express about me. Joy in the journey!

Overheard at the Club: A Freudian Slip

Way-gay dude clicking thru his cel phone to find a picture to show his double-douchey friends:

Where is this fucking phomo, I mean photo

Phomo is more like it, I'm sure....

Sunday, November 04, 2007

My One Year Blog-iversary!


Yes, 'tis true, I've been blogging for a year! Putting up or putting out nearly 20 posts a month for your entertainment and amusement. Day-um, I should have written a book or something for $. Now my writing skills are truly being tested as I have to crank out my thesis before I can graduate. But a thesis is more than writing, the research, that's the bitch. Oh, if my professors only knew what my real writing passion was....hehe

Stubby's Story -- Part III of IV

Part III ---Those six lusty pound puppies were waiting for my ass to return. When they saw it they kept up their singing and dancing but gathered around my ass to see it better. When my huge balls slipped in and dangled before them they almost lost it but kept up the act. A few of them had never seen balls before and were deliriously delighted. They all relished looking at my ass and balls in the lantern light. Still I wasn’t to get away scott-free.

One of the girls picked up a baseball bat, that they had with them for protection. It was my girlfriend Stephanie, of all people, and she was not wearing her glasses. She stepped to the side and lined up to give my ass one solid smack, and she swung hard. She was very nearsighted without her glasses and her aim was a bit off ... too low. The meat of the bat, the full force of the bat, landed directly upon both of my low-hanging balls!!!

As I blanked out and fell to the ground outside, the girls screamed and laughed, and stifled it quickly so as to not arouse their parents. As I found out from Stephanie later in the hospital, the girls teased Stephanie about her choice of targets and she was embarrassed that she had missed my ass. Then one of them looked out the hole in the tent with a flashlight and saw me laying still on the ground with my shorts around my ankles. They all went out and carried me inside the tent and laid me on my back on a cot, and tried to figure out what to do with me. They also checked to make sure their parents were not coming.

As my shorts had somehow fallen off my ankles as I was being carried in, I lay there unconscious on my back with all my manhood displayed vigorously before the six girls. My erection had stayed for several minutes. They played with it and joked about that. Stephanie said that was all they had done to me, but I could tell she was hiding more and was too embarrassed to say what the girls did. She said they started to worry as my hairless ball sac was changing colors from flesh, to reds and purples, and it started to swell and swell. Someone was sent for ice.

When I awoke I sensed I was on my back, light above me in my eyes, and people around me. My sight bettered and there were six girls standing around my cot smiling, looking down at me, a couple past their lovely bare breasts still exposed. I then felt cold and pain from down below, and look toward my crotch. My God! I was naked from the waist down, with a girl applying a towel with ice in it to what looked like a huge, ugly, purple eggplant hanging below my tiny, shrunken cock. That was my balls!!! What happened to them!!!

The girls held me down as I weakly tried to get up. The bare breasted brunette (Cindy, I believe her name was) told me they would take care of my testicles, and giggled, followed by all the rest except Stephanie. They almost did take care of them, for good. Stephanie was mortified at what she had done, and when she had found out it was me the girls teased her unmercively about how she treated her boyfriend, and her method of birth control - castration by baseball bat.

Into the early morning they tended and teased me, and I found myself enjoying the humiliating attention from the girls. The ice helped the pain, and with some of their laughter at my embarrassing position I had one erection after another. They commented on how much difference my tiny flaccid cock was compared to my hard-on. Some of the girls compared their boyfriends to me, and I came up short, but that was Stephanie’s problem, they laughed. My injury had not gotten better with the hours. My ball sac was hideously colored and swollen and we all knew I had to go to the hospital.

We came up with a story to cover the injury and I made them all swear to secrecy (which lasted just a few days with their other girlfriends). After finding my shorts, I painfully made my way back to my tent, got up early and hobbled down to the camp first aid shack and found the lady acting as our first aid nurse. When I dropped my shorts, at her request to show her my injury, she about fainted. I told her about how I had decided to climb a tree last night to get high and see the stars, how I had slipped and lost my hold, and fell several feet landing on a branch with my crotch and balls. They all bought it.

Overheard at the Club: Odor Eaters

Dude to 2 friends: (sniffs the air) I smell pussy!!!!

Hmmm I smell a dude who isn't getting any.....

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Outmanned by Peewee! The newest story by GayWayne!


OUTMANNED BY PEEWEE

(or How I rediscovered PeeWee's BIG adventure)

Sara, have you ever seen an episode of Peewee's Playhouse? You know the guy who got caught jerking-off in a porno house and got his show cancelled. Well in recent years, the old show started to reappear on syndicated channels. I found it while channel surfing and got hooked again. My ex-girlfriend Sally caught me watching it and goofed on me about having a crush on a little sissyboy. I just ignored her.

Well one morning I went out to mow my front lawn and there was Sally catching the sunrays. (She did look hot). Since she had an apartment, she didn't have a place to tan, and hated the fake tans from tanning beds. She said she had a birthday surprise for me and what do you know on the next lawn chair was the one and only Peewee talking doll. She said Happy Birthday and told me she got him dirt cheap at a yard sale, because when you pull the string in back he just giggled instead of talking. She said "He is all yours. Please give him plenty of love". I meekly smiled. I told her a better birthday present would be a hot French kiss from her. She said no way. I said, "Well you gave one to that black guy who groped you at Hooters" (where she works as a waitress). She said, "I have to be friendly to all of the customers, those are the rules. Anyway, I bet you were checking out the bulge in his pants". I said, "Yeah right. It's still my birthday." I persisted. She knew I cornered her on that one. Her sexy scheming eyes looked around and then she said "Alright you won". "Really?" This was to good to be true. "But first you have practice". "On who?" I replied. "On him". She lifted up the Peewee doll and pushed it in front of my face.

RECREATING CRUEL INTENTIONS

Sally said, "To kiss me you first have to practice on him". (the doll) I said, "Thats rather gay?" She said, "Do you want to learn or not". Then it hit me. By wearing sexy sunglasses, Sally wanted to recreate the kiss scene from the movie "CRUEL INTENTIONS". (That hot scene you can can find on YOUTUBE). You know where Sarah Michelle Gellar (BUFFY) teaches airhead Selma Blair how to kiss, so she can use it on her black boyfriend.

I played along, acting like Selma I said, "Okay". I felt it would be worth it, if that's what I had to do to get a sloppy wet French kiss from Sally. Sally said, "Good now wet your lips and gently kiss Peewee on the lips". I went ahead and did it to get it over with and kissed the doll while Sally held it in front of me. Then she said, "See that wasn't so scary". Playing Selma, I said in a high-pitched voice, shaking my head up and down with a smile, "Why it was nothing". Sally said, "Okay now kiss him again, but only this time I want to stick your tongue all the way down Peewee's throat". I said "Are you for real?" Her quiet angry stare made me realize I better not fool with her. So I did what Sally told me to do. I could barely fit my tongue in his mouth, never mind down his throat. (GUYS DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME) Sally commanded, "Push further. More, C'mon you can do better then that". Even though I was choking, I somehow managed to stretch out my tongue all the way down his throat. Sally persisted, "FURTHER c'mon show me what a little fairy you really are. Push further. Is that as far as you can really go?" I shook my head ready to throw up. "Are you sure? Good. Hold it there." She pulled the string in back of the doll and he starting giggling. The sound went right through my tongue and down my throat. Sally quickly pulled out her cell phone / camera and snapped a close-up shot of me French kissing Peewee. She flipped her cell phone shut, and left me saying, "My girlfriends are going to love this picture". God, my reputation as a macho man was now ruined.

LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL?

Later that afternoon Sally called and said her girlfriends were coming over to give me my birthday present. I said to myself, yeah right, not after she tells them what I did. So later that day, I gave myself a birthday treat, a bowl of strawberry jello with lots of whipped cream, sitting out on my front lawn with my shades on and my little American flag waving over me. (That I got for Columbus Day weekend) When all of a sudden three hot looking girls drove up in a car who recognized as Sally's girlfriends.... They got out of the car and said, "There he is". I said to myself, hmmm she must have not told them what happened. You sold yourself short. See there is light at the other end of the tunnel. You just had to wait a bit longer, that's all, and now you're going to have a hot orgy for your birthday. They all ran to me screaming with lust. Triumph! But then they ran past me and and rushed over to Peewee. The girls picked him up, holding him like a baby, passing him back and forth saying how cute he was. I was crushed. I knew that my manhood had finally hit rock bottom. I could not even compete against a little gay dummy who just giggles. I allowed myself to give one last try."Can I get you girls anything?" Without looking up from the dummy, one of them said, "Yeah get us some beers". I did what I was told.

JEFF STRYKER

When I came out of the house with a tray of beers, the girls were all back in the car. I said "Where are you going?" They said they had to get all dolled up for Ladies Night at BOBBY COX. I said that's a fag joint. They said, "That's why we are expecting you to be there. By the way, we just loved the picture of you kissing Peewee. Happy Birthday! We left you your present. Ta Ta". They drove off laughing and waving goodbye. Then I noticed my little American flag was missing along with my can of whipped cream and my sunglasses too. I looked behind me and knew that I should have known better. There was Peewee sitting there with my shades on with my flag wrapped around him. Disgraceful. They must have gotten the idea from the website: LOVERBOYS USA. You know where the male strippers wear a flag to hide their goods. I opened up the flag and was shocked to find a rather large Jeff Stryker dildo with with lots of whipped cream on it and a string wrapped around it and tag attached saying: Happy Birthday Wayne. I lamented to myself, it's my birthday and I don't have a girl to make love to tonight. So I said an Our father and Hail Mary and looked to my left and right side of me. Crossed my heart and said God forgive me but waste not want not I must not waste the whipped cream. I put my head under the flag. THE END.

P.S. MONTREAL MEAT: CUMMING SOON!!!! (Wayne goes back to Montreal to humiliate himself further in the gay district!)

Friday, November 02, 2007

The Toothpaste Was Already Out of the Tube!



Republican State Rep Richard Curtis resigned after a police report detailing a confession about his involvement with a male hooker was made public. He claimed the hooker, Cody Castagna, was trying to blackmail him for $1,000, and if Curtis didn't pay up, Castagna was going to go to Curtis' wife with proof of their gay sex affair.

The two first bumped uglies at a Spokane, Washington adult store, known as the Hollywood Erotic Boutique. Classy. After the meeting, Curtis took Cody back to his hotel room and gave him $100, but stated to police the $100 was not payment for sex even tho Cody anal sexed him.

When Cody was interviewed by the cops, he stated that 'Richie' was a 'freak' and liked to wear women's clothes. Cody said 'Richie' wore red stockings and a black sequined lingerie top to the sex store underneath his normal clothes. This was confirmed by a clerk at the store who said that he observed Curtis wearing women's lingerie while receiving oral sex from an unidentified man in one of the movie viewing booths inside the store. The clerk did not know who Curtis was. Cody also claimed that the $1,000 was mentioned as a full payment for his services, for which $100 was only a down payment.

Ironically, Curtis wanted the lead detective to keep the story 'quiet' and did not want to press charges against Castagna. But Detective Tim Madsen told him, 'the toothpaste was already out of the tube'.

And just how hypocritical was this legislator? Curtis had voted against domestic partnerships for gay couples and opposed a bill that would have outlawed discrimination based on sexual preferences. He also has since stated that he isn't gay and that he was just trying to help out a less fortunate individual (Castagna).





I'm tired of this politico hypocrisy, if you're gay or want to have gay sex, just do it, don't be sorry about it, don't deny it, don't legislate against it! Sara

Surgery for Mr. Dick?


One of my blog readers lamented that it was too bad small-dicked guys don't have surgical alternatives. Well they do, but dick surgery and penile implants don't yield more than an inch, which certainly doesn't launch a guy into the 'fuckability zone'. Plus what girl wants a guy who had dick surgery anyway? There are better ways to spend $10,000!!!! On the girl, haha. So my faithful reader sent me this picture of a top heavy FSU girl, he thinks I bear a passing resemblance. Is this what I would look like with breast-o-sauruses?

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Heidi Klum -- Size Queen!


"I know a lot of people talk about Seal's bicycle shorts, but it is the truth! That is what he was wearing the first time I met him and I was overwhelmed."

Heidi Klum gushed about Seal's anatomical gifts on Oprah. "When I saw him, I was like, wow! He is different and so tall and dark and just handsome. I saw the package – and I mean the whole package, literally. I was like, 'That is a man.'"

On retrospect, she's glad she 'seized' ummmm, the moment! "I just think if you have an emotion and you let that go that moment might pass," she said. "If you don't open the door for the person to come in, it would have just been like, 'Nice to meet you goodbye.'"

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Make me famous on MYSPACE!





Calling all sluts sissies slaves losers wimps underhung & hungover!!!

Join my MYSPACE page. Send me a friends request. Identify yourself so I know who you are on Niteflirt.

My page is under construction, but will have more going on shortly....Click my link below....

Find me on MySpace and be my friend!

Jerk-Off Pet Strikes Again!


My jerk-off pet likes to find exciting and kinky places to jerk off for me. Perhaps you remember an earlier post where he jerked off on a ski lift, without getting frostbite! Well his latest spurt was at a theme park, on a ride. He had an audience (his 'date' who he probably scared away due to his tater tot size).

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Stubby's Story -- Part II of IV

PART TWO -------The night was sweltering hot, humid, with everyone sweating in their cots trying to sleep. Mixed music from a couple places could barely be heard in our tent drifting through the dense foliage of the woods. Soon after dark I left the tent for my excursion to the girls’ tent, having traced out a curved path in my mind through the woods to circle around the parents camp area. It was so warm I was wearing just a tee shirt, tennis shorts, and sneakers, and still I was sweating, my hot heavy balls dangling low. I was so excited by the risk I was taking.

It took awhile, but in the dark I zeroed in on a tent that seemed very active. All the other tents within sight were dark, probably empty. Music was rolling out of the well light interior of the tent into the woods and there was the sound of many female voices having great fun. My path had taken me toward the back of the tent’s glowing canvas fabric. Shadows of girls move on the canvas. It just so happened that this tent had some of the fabric ripped in the back so the canvas flap hung down exposing a squarish hole about 18 inches across and a couple feet off the ground. I made my way to that hole and from a few feet away peered inside.

Wow! I almost blurted out. I could only see a patch of the inside, but the girls were dancing and singing to the music around the center of the large tent in their panties and bras, and some had taken their bras off! Stephanie, sans her glasses and bra, was really wild. I had an instant hard-on, and just watched in pure joy for what seemed like heavenly hours. Then I had a wicked thought.

I approached the tent, turned around, dropped my shorts and stuck my big sweaty ass up to the hole of the tent and stuck my ass inside. It was a tight fit but my ass when in, and I waited for a reaction. I did not wait long. Inside the girls started screaming and squealing in excitement, so loud! I waited a couple seconds then took off into the woods, pulling my shorts back up, and made my way back to my tent in record time without bashing into too many trees.

The next day, talking with Stephanie, she told me that someone had mooned them, to their great joy. They screamed so loud their parents came over to check the noise out. The girls told them they had seen a skunk, and all was forgotten by the parents who warily made their way back to their camp area looking for the little varmint. I was in the clear. I did not tell Stephanie what I had done and just enjoyed her story about the incident and what the girls said about that ass. By the time we parted, after several kisses and fondling, I decided to pay another visit to their tent that night. She didn’t mention they were dancing around half naked.

So that evening I retraced my route to their tent, dress like the night before. It was like deja vue, the night so hot and humid, as the music, dancing and singing were emanating from the tent. I peered in and watched. This time they were all bra-less, their panties so colorful, and I saw some beer cans in the hands. Little did I know they were reenacting the previous night in the hopes my ass would return. They were ready for me.

Through the hole in the back of their tent, I watched with lusty joy as the girls danced and sang to the music on the radio, their varied breasts bobbing and bouncing about. Stephanie’s boobs were fantastic! My cock was rock hard! I got my horny nerve up and stepped over to the tent, dropped my sweaty shorts and stuck my bare ass into the hole and inside. I waited and longed for their loud reaction.

Several seconds passed and they had not stop their singing and dancing about on the wood floor. Maybe they had not seen me, I thought, and pushed my ass even further into the hole, stretching the canvas tight. I pushed so far I could feel my big, hot, sweaty balls slip past the canvas wall and into the tent. I could feel them inside the tent hanging heavy and very low, brushing against the inside canvas, my rigid cock throbbing on the outside of the tent. Several more seconds passed and nothing changed from inside the tent.

Then my memory of the moment stopped with a short, sharp flash of pain, and I vaguely remember falling to the dark earth. I learned later what happened in those few moments.

Tom from Myspace needs to be my bitch!



OK we all know Tom, the geeky guy who everyone gets as their first friend when they sign up on Myspace. Supposedly Tom is real, and is one of the dotcomboys who made big bank when Myspace was bought out for billions. So yes, it would be fun to have Tom as my rich little bitchboy. Just looking at Tom, I think he probably wanks it too much, spends hours surfing internet porn, and really needs a bossy girl to keep him under her thumb. So Tom, if you should happen to read my little blog entry, and it made your lil peen hard, it's playtime!

Friday, October 12, 2007

Stubby's Story Part I of IV

"A Girl, A Bat, and a Life of Unexpected Pleasures"

A true story by 'John Ridgeling'

When I was in high school I thought my small cock would grow much bigger as I became a man. Who knew the man would get much, much bigger and my cock would stay the same baby length and just get stubbier. Still, I had a big set of hanging balls that, in the right situations, I loved to expose to as many of those wonderful, curious girls that I could. They always seemed to enjoy the surprise and shock of seeing my small cock and big dangling balls! Then I met Stephanie at summer camp and she would change my life with women forever. That summer in the woods there were a large group of scouts, parents, and a group of six teen angels, daughters of the parents. The girls had one large wall tent, one among dozens of tents throughout the large, woodsy camp. I went to school with most of the girls, including Stephanie, who I had my eye on, and she on me. We all spent a week at the camp that summer in Maryland, I with the boy scout group, and the six girls, well, on their own as their parents would not leave them home. Those six girls teased the scouts every chance they could get. The girls tent was well away from the scouts group of tents, and a decent distance away from the parents cottages and tents. The girls had pretty much isolated themselves from everyone, for their own lusty reasons. My schoolmate Stephanie and I had met a few times during the week when I could get away from scouting rituals, and we become an item. She was tall with long blonde hair, glasses, and a great looking body. That week, she and I kissed for the first time, several times. She even let me fondle her gorgeous breasts about mid-week, near the camps chow hall one evening. Toward the end of the week I was real horny and decided to pay her a visit one night, without telling her.
END OF PART ONE

Speaking of Sex Dolls....

Sex fiend Charlie Sheen had an expensive latex friend (from realdoll.com) but supposedly dismembered and dumped the $6,000 doll after he was ridiculed for suggesting to some paid pussies that they all have group sex with dolly.

“They couldn't stop laughing at him,” the source told the Daily News. “Charlie got so mad that he ran the girls out of his house. Then he took a meat cleaver and chopped one of the doll's hands off. He and his bodyguard tried to dispose of it, like it was a real body. They wrapped it in a blanket and drove around in the middle of the night till they found a dumpster.”

Monday, October 08, 2007

"Looking for stunningly gorgeous fuckdoll"



Annoying sleaze contacts me. Nevermind that I'm not an escort, since he's new to Niteflirt, he probably doesn't realize this isn't Eros-guide. His cut&paste email:

I travel alot. I want a fuckdoll to show up to my hotel. You be there to fuck. Try not to talk unless you're good at talking dirty. Let's have some NSA fun. No encumbrances.

My response:

Today is your lucky day. You contacted the right girl even tho you didn't read my listings. Do I have a fuckdoll for you.

Fuck Doll


I like the Jesse Jane model myself. It has hair you can pull. So bring your fuckdoll to a hotel room and blow it up, don't forget your bicycle pump! I'll show up at your hotel room with one of my friends. We'll set you back several thousand to watch you fuck your dolly. If you're lucky, we'll laugh and cheer you on!

Expect us to drink room service champagne and eat the $20 jar of macadamia nuts from the mini-bar. Maybe we'll take digital pictures so you can always remember how much fun it was to stick your dickie into the fuckdoll's holes. You asked for NSA and no encumbrances, what better fuckdoll than one you can throw away when you're done!

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Questions for Sara (submitted by a blog reader)

1.Do you have a real boyfriend (not a fag like me) or is Nicole your primary lover?

Nicole is my primary female 'pussy pal'. I do have 'service males' with big cocks who take care of my 'fucking' needs. Right now I don't have time to give a full-time boyfriend, meaning one who would want a romantic, intimate, emotional connection to me. I'm not really into mushy shit anyway. I like sex, I love sex! Hot sex with hot girls or big cocks.

2.What do you look for when you or Nicole when pick a black lover for the night? What attracts you to him?

Well we've actually shared the same BBC. We want them hot, Kanye West looking, with attitude and a big cock. And 'for the night' is the operative word, we are basically using BBC as a supersized sex toy for our pussies.

3. Would you like to see a beachclub for whitegirls and their black lovers only and the only white guys that are their are dressed up as frenchmaids to better serve you both? Could Nicole dig that?

I think that would be an awesome club in Jamaica. Call it Club Zebra haha. Nicole would definitely get into it. I've heard there are some private clubs like this, but haven't been able to confirm.


4. Do you two like to see whiteboys humiliated by your black lovers?

Yes, inferior little clittie-dicked whiteboys need to be put in their place!!!!
But we don't believe black is necessarily better than white. There are large white and Latino cocks, they're just more difficult to find. Size Queens are looking for size regardless of color. Black is just a different flavor or should I say 'flava'.

5. With your looks and slim body.I'm surprise you are not a world class model? You can easily have that wristwatch cock fireman in your xtube video instead of talking to silly faggots like me. What is it that attracts you to us sissy gayboys when you can have all the straight hunky handsome men you want?

Alpha females such as myself and my girlfriends keep all men on their proper side of the line in the sand. Fuckable vs. unfuckable. Sissy gayboys are like toys to us. We play with them and then we toss them aside. Or we make them give us $$$. Do you think the fireman has any $$$? Doubtful....

As for modeling, I'm too short to be world class, I have done modeling down here in Miami and occasionally pick up a gig, but as I've blogged before, models at the level at which I model get taken advantage of, especially when desperate for money. Photographers can be sleazy pimps, the only difference is they're holding cameras.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

I am not MISTRESS McFETISH!!



The fetishists have crawled into my inbox realm with their needy little fantasies hoping I will so indulge them. No, there won't be kissing of my tootsie toes for free, nor will my 'oldest smelliest heels' that 'Mistress was probably going to throw out anyway' find their way to the little sniffy's mailbox in Stinkweedville, nor will there be pissy panties going out in a ziploc nor will my apartment be cleaned for 4 hours while I sit around and talk on the phone with my girlfriends while ignoring the sissy French maid.

Pay to play or go away!

Overheard at the Club: Riding Shotgun

(3 wiggas acting badazz)

Oh yeah that bitch, she wanted me to give up the front seat, wanted me to ride in the back y'all

So what did you do?

I told that bitch where to sit!

(High 5's)

She got in the back, like a good bitch.

Dominant vs. Dominate

Learn how to use them correctly!

One of my pet peeves is when slaves do not use these words in their proper context.

If you write me an email which states:

'Mistress I need to be controlled by a dominate woman like you'

You will be iGGied.

Actually if I were right there in your mousehole, I would make you take a pad and pen and write 100 times:

Mistress I need to be controlled by a DOMINANT woman like you

A better choice would yield:

Mistress I need to be controlled by a DOMINANT woman

'like you' reduces the power of the statement

Byebye Jackoff Video!!!


OK I think you little gayboys have had enough gaytime with the firehose video. I received more emails talking about this posting than any other, so many that the # of emails exceeded the Stinkbob and Teen Cuckoldress postings. This is how I know most of you lust for cock.

Here's another biggie sized boingboing for you to drool over, altho something tells me this one has been photoshopped. Why? Because it's mounted on such a pathetic whiteboy chassis....

Monday, September 24, 2007

Moby Dick -- Rare sighting of large whiteboy cock



Dude can wrap his cock around his wrist, dammit just watch! He's got the classic firehose cock, a shower not a grower, it probably doesn't get much larger when it does get hard, but it already hangs halfway down to his knees. Michael Biserta is the NYC fireman who got into trouble while being pimped as the coverboy of the 2008 Fire Department calendar. When it became known that he had done some porn, the calendars weren't released. Now why would the Fire Department hold back the calendars which would have sold out and gone into reprint over and over and raised lots of $$$? I know the ladies who work with my Mom would have given her a copy for her birthday, last year they gave her a Chippendales calendar, how gay!



PS I don't care if this dude's video overlaps crucial parts of my blog for a few days as it's more important for you little weenie whackers and fag-gotz to see a biggie-sized dick and go gayer to the thought of sucking it to rock hardness!

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Ride the S.L.U.T.


This S.L.U.T. is Seattle's South Lake Union Trolley. Apparently, the coolest thing about the trolley is the acronym and swag, e.g., RIDE the S.L.U.T. t-shirts. Click on the blog post title for an article on the S.L.U.T.

Toe-tally

I just saw Quentin Tarantino's 'Death-Proof' ... Let's call it a freaky foot fetish fest. A peek inside Tarantino's obsession with women's feet. 'Pulp Fiction' barely touched the tip of QT's foot obsession as Travolta and Jackson expounded on whether giving a foot massage to another man's wife was akin to a sexual experience or not. Then later we jump to 'Jackie Brown' where Bridget Fonda's toesies were on display in her beachside condo, before she was later offed by DeNiro for merely annoying him.

The opening shot in Death Proof features a girl's feet up on a dashboard and is the beginning of a footsie love - hate extravaganza. The only other filmmaker foot fetishist I can recall from my undergrad film class was Luis Bunuel, and he isn't the one on the tip of everyone's tongue. Tarantino's commingling of foot obsession with misogyny, e.g., killing the women whose feet were erotically displayed earlier in the films is a psychological attempt to control his obsession by eradicating the source of it. Misogyny often roots in men hating women because they cannot have them, cannot control them, cannot control their lust for them or squelch the fetish that both excites and repulses them. But in this case, I believe this isn't a man who wants a woman's toes in his mouth, but a cock. And this man needs to come to terms with cock and leave women's feet 'out of the picture'.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Pussyboy -- A Loser Confession


Sara after I read your post on what you heard those guys say @ the club about their friend, I knew I had to confess my weakness. I only lust after Amazonian women. I grew up lusting after strong Superheroines. I still jerkoff to Xena (Warrior Princess) and had posters of her in my dorm room back in college when everyone else had bikini model posters on their walls.

Now I go to women's bodybuilding events, and I've been Dommed by some of them in private sessions. They lift me up, throw me down, call me pussyboy or pantyboy (I wear panties for the session), let me feel their biceps, put me in different positions I can't escape from, like holding my neck between their strong, strong thighs. One of them even fucked me with a strap-on. I would give anything to be their full-time bitch, I've offered, but as one of them said, why would I want a weak little pussyboy like you around all the time, and then she spit on me.

So for now, I work a full-time and a part-time job and use the money from my part-time job to pay for my sessions with these Amazons and NF calls. I know when I get older that none of the Amazons will want me and that I will be a pathetic old freak.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Escapee gives in to Gay


Princess Sara, I am sorry..I did it again...I tried to escape...But as you see I came back..I need you Princess Sara..I need to serve you..I need to be your feminized gay bitch...I received lots of replies to my Craigslist ad but I could not send any replies before talking to you and making me gay and suck cock for you..Everytime I look at your pictures I feel that I am falling love with you, with your beauty and power Princess. I am a weak, submissive bitch and maybe it is time to admit that. Please give me another chance to be your slave Princess. This time I will do completely as you order. Please Princess..make me gay and your slave..Serving you should be my only purpose. Thanks Princess...

Insecured....


Dear Sara:

Since you get me going about taking about my ex is like opening up a can of worms. Yes, I'm sure she is doing alot of blacks wherever she is. She used to make me rent nothing but interracial porn. It got so that it did not seem right for me to see a whiteboy making love to a white woman because he looked too inferior. I was hooked.

She once told me that she fantasized about a night where all her white girlfriends would bring over their big black lovers and make us white boyfriends and husbands play spin the bottle in the living room while the women would fuck their black studs. She wanted us grown men to play this silly preteen girly game, but I thought she meant give the guy whoever the bottle spun to a little peck on the cheek. She said, no way, this is the new millenium that I would have to look him in the eye and give him a slow open month french kiss rolling our tongues around each other. She would have the camcorder set up to film all the action so later on our girlfriends and their black studs could watch it in bed and laugh their asses off. I said whatever happened to guys watching football, having our own clubs and going out to see female strippers? Yet I was willing go along with it.

Now that you sent your girlfriends my e-mails which I'm embarrassed yet excited I'm curious about a girls point of view. Could you ask Nicole does she think a guy is a loser if he he willing to pay another man money just to kiss lick and worship his feet even if he knows that girls would be watching, laughing and calling him a faggot out loud?

My ex called me a pansyass and a little pussy just because I was polishing her black lover Ty's boots while they fucked. What is wrong with being their little shoeshine boy or housemaid? No harm is done. Do any of your girlfriends think is okay for any whiteboy to handwash a black man thong while he makes love to his white girlfriend. Does any of your friends think that it makes me a pansyass for this?


Oh Sara I got this and a ton of things to talk about to you. I must talk you on the phone real soon. Signed 'Insecured'


Note from Sara: Nicole says that the next step to worshipping a man's feet is worshipping his cock....It won't take long till a big juicy cock is in your mouth....

The Purple Penetrator





At least we know who wears the pants in the family.... Check out the strap-on dildo in-a-box in Madonna's bag. Hubby has empty champagne baba tucked under his wing and looks freshly buttfucked? Yeowwwwww....


Tuesday, September 11, 2007

In Lust with an Avatar -- Overheard at the Club

Is Mike coming out tonite?

(2 shake their heads)

Dude seriously needs to get out more

He's too into that RPG (role playing game)

Dude might get laid if he got out

Dude does get laid....ONLINE

(2 dudes do some kind of pussy gang sign)

He was getting laid by some girl named Lunastar with a hot avatar, but then he met her for realz at a convention and she was gag-a-maggot

Damn

Who's he doing now

Some Princess avatar chick

He never learns



Douches have been falling in love with avatars or their equivalents for years (e.g. comic book heroines). It's different than fantasizing about an actress or model, a fantastical presence can never be tangible or possible in any other realm.... But when the reality is nothing like the avatar, how deflating!

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Butt Slut!



I had another hot experience last sunday. I decided to go to the adult book store near my house again. I can finally say I have had a real cock in my ass now. I've had a strap-on in my ass before but now I have finally been fucked by real cock. I just want to say it was much better than a strap-on.

When I got to the store I went straight to the movie arcade. I was craving to suck cock. I was there for a little while waiting for the right guy when I found him. I finally went into a booth with him. He wanted to suck my cock but I told him that I had to suck his. He said ok and I got on my knees and started to suck him off. He had a nice 7" thick cock. After a few minutes he told me to stand up so he could suck my cock for a little bit. He was pretty good at it. Afraid that I might cum too soon I told him to let me suck on him some more. I had planned on just sucking him until he exploded but then something came over me. I was getting so turned on that I just had to have his cock in my ass. I didn't have a condomn or lube so I just spit on his cock until it was wet enough that I thought it would slide right in. I turned around and bent over for him. He spit on my asshole for a little extra lube. I could feel the head of his cock pressing against my hole and I thought I was going to explode. He started to slowly slide his cock in my ass. When he was all the way in he started to slowly pump my ass. It felt great! As he started pumping faster I could hear myself moaning. I never thought it would feel so good. He pumped my ass for a few minutes when I could actually feel his cock get harder. I could hear him say he was going to cum. I begged him to cum in my ass! Then he did, I could feel his hot load shoot into my ass. It was an amazing experience!! It was so good that I stayed to see if I could find someone else to fuck.

It didn't take me long and I had another guy in a booth with me. I didn't waste much time sucking his cock. He had a condomn and so I put it on him after I had his dick hard. He was sitting on the bench in the booth so I just turned around and sat down on his cock. I rode his cock, he fucked me standing up, and then I got on my hands and knees so he could fuck me doggy style. He must have fucked me for a good 10 minutes or more before he came.

It was getting late at that point so I decided I should go home. I hadn't actually got off yet myself. I stopped at a Super Walmart (open 24hrs) to look at bras, panties, and some other clothes. I also looked at make up. I ended up buying this cute little pair of panties. I was so turned on that I couldn't wait to get home, I had to cum. I jerked off into my new pair of panties while I was in my truck still parked at Walmart. I am getting so horny while typing this. I think I'm going to have to jerk off while reading this before I send it.

Friday, September 07, 2007

"Sick of the Dick"


Nicole reports that she is "sick of the dick". Apparently, this is an affliction dancers come down with when they are sick of grinding on dicks, regardless of size. It is a malaise of flu-like proportions, and it is enough, reports Nicole, to make her say bye-bye to bi and become a complete and total lesbian. Although she especially despises small peenies, she wants to take a permanent vacation from dicks. Period. Methinks she has been dancing for too long, 3 - 4 years is too long to be swinging around a pole and getting dick slime on your ass cheeks. I've told her she should do Nitespurt, but she says she has no patience to wait for the phone to ring. And contributing to this malaise, her whales and private clients @ the club have evaporated recently for one reason or another. It sounds like a good time for Nicole to get off the ride, but she's scared to get off, the $$ is intoxicating, she's addicted. I know it's time, nevertheless, she won't listen to me, because girls in glass houses....

Friday, August 31, 2007

Overheard at the Club - Is she or isn't she-he?

2 Guys

Guy #1: I woke up next to this girl last weekend, for a second I thought it was a dude.

Guy #2: Were you high?

Guy #1: No, it was just one of those girls who wakes up looking like a dude.

Guy #2: Are you sure it wasn't a dude?

Guy #1: Fuck no, what do you think I'm gay!?!

Guy #2: Dude sometimes you get so fucked up, I've told you, you were talking to a she-he and you didn't believe me.

Guy #1: You think every girl with fake tits is a she-he.

Guy #2: I'm telling you, it's a possibility. Make a grab before you take it home.

I can see how this might be pivotal to a drunk guy at 4am unsure if it's a she or a she-he, but there are honrdogs to whom it doesn't matter, a suck is a suck and a fuck is a fuck. Methinks if the guy I encountered at the club likes girls who look like dudes sans make-up, or flirts with trannies, then he probably is getting close to the edge of the gay-cliff and his friend is just trying to get him to admit it. Since girls check out dick sizes before taking a guy home, it wouldn't surprise me if guys starting checking for dicks....

Wishing everyone a wonderful Labor Day Weekend!



My sister's boyfriend bought this fancy-ass grill, some stainless steel monstrosity. If I only knew where to get the dick roaster, my sister and I could play a little gag. Yes, I have to go to a family BBQ this weekend, sigh.....I'm in charge of the potato salad.

Eat Cock!

Click on the blog post title for the link. Not for the faint of heart or stomach, this article details how one restaurant in Beijing serves PENISES. Animal penises of all types. Apparently, Chinese men believe that eating penises will make them more virile. I got a kick out of the quote in the article about Chinese 'government officials eating penis hotpot'. Hmmmm, shades of Senator Larry Craig? Although I would say he's 'in' the penis hotpot right now.

You can also eat ass at the restaurant. One of the delicacies is Bull's Perineum (below). Yum.

So very gay!


I know some of you are going to jerk off to this pic. Dates back to the 60's. Subversive! Click the blog post title for more on the homos wrestling. Is this where the Calvin Klein ads got their inspiration? My sister I used to cruise for bulges in the CK ads waaaayyy back in time. Besides 'checking packages' on the beach, this must have been when our Size QueenDOM was starting to register.

Camel Toe!



Sent by one of my Nitespurt admirers....

Monday, August 27, 2007

Pass the Salt Peter!


I am hard at work on a list of things losers, weaklings, wimps, fags and cucks can do to decrease their sperm production, make them less horny and hopefully impotent. I really don't want any flavor of loser in the gene pool. Call me the lifeguard! I've blown my whistle, and all you losers, weaklings, wimps, fags and cucks have to get out of the water!

So far I've cum up with:

1. Salt peter
2. Ball squashing
3. Hot baths / jacuzzi dips
4. Tight panties to keep ball temp high, that destroys sperm
5. Caffeinated beverages
6. Foods with yellow dye #2 (gatorade lemon/lime, yellow m&m's)
7. Female hormone cream rubbed on the useless nuts

As soon as I cum up with 10 things, I will do a recording outlining my new Eliminate your Swimmers Program.

Sara's Size-o-Meter


I am tired of guys calling my Size Queen listing on Niteflirt proud and boastful of their 7" cock. 7" is the new 'average' sized cock. It is not 'large'. Large is 8" and over. Size Queens will just sniff at a 7", but usually pass it up for larger meat.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Not Another Red Corvette!


Of course girls can tell your penis size by your damn car. And this car spells 3 1/2"!! We know this guy isn't packing anything but a peanut. Why is it that small dickens go for the red Corvettes? There are other color choices. I wouldn't be caught dead in a red one. Neither would any of my girlfriends....

Sara Einstein's Theory of Dick Size Relativity:

R E D C O R V E T T E = S M A L L P E N I S

And the proud owner? Mr. "I Have a 3 1/2" Penis Car"!!



PS Toad drives a PT Cruiser, how fitting....

Monday, August 20, 2007

The Fagtastic Five!



One of my bloggies sent me this 'chillarious' pic. As we know from the plethora of superhero 'n' comic book hero movies popped out by Hollywood, America 'lurvs' men in tights. Let's make that fags in tights. According to my bloggie, there are 'groups' or 'clubs' gay men can join to pursue their superhero fantasies. Video camera optional. Perhaps Spidey needed more white sticky stuff?

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Virtual Boob Job?



A Sissy's SIM Adventure?

Oh my god, I am for once twice or thrice, speechless! I must do a shot of something, ok there's some Grey Goose in the freezer. Open the bottle, I'm all thumbs, watch out stomach, here it comes.... One of my bloggies sent this to me. Even he didn't know what it is or where it came from. If anyone has any idea, please enlighten me. Till then I will be very, very scared.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Overheard at the Club -- Crassholes

3 guys....

Guy #1: Yeah and when we have that party after my parents go on vacation, none of the chicks will be over 22.

Guy #2: None over 22, not even 23?

Guy #1: Nope.

Guy #1: Hey! Do you want to come to our party?

Me: I'm too old for your party.

Guy #1: Damn. You could pass for 22.

Overheard at the Club -- I think she probably needed to escape from her friends...

2 toasted girls to me: Have you see our girlfriend?

Me: What does she look like?

One of the girls: She went to the bathroom like an hour ago?

Me: What was she wearing?

The other girl: But have you seen her?

Thursday, August 09, 2007

I wonder if this 'cocksucker' calls me on Niteflirt....


Titusville police say they have arrested Florida State Rep. Robert
"Bob" Allen, of Merritt Island, on second degree misdemeanor charges
for solicitation for prostitution.

Allen, 48, was arrested Wednesday afternoon at Veteran's Memorial Park on East Broad Street in Titusville.

The park was under surveillance by a detail of undercover police
officers.

Officers say they noticed Allen acting suspicious as he went in and
out of the men's restroom 3 times.

Minutes later, he solicited an undercover male officer inside the
restroom, offering to perform oral sex for $20.

In a taped statement and other documents released last week, Allen, 48, told police that he was intimidated into offering sex.

"I certainly wasn't there to have sex with anybody and certainly wasn't there to exchange money for it," the Orlando Sentinel quoted him as saying.

Rather, he said, "This was a pretty stocky black guy, and there was nothing but other black guys around in the park," Allen said. He said he feared he "was about to be a statistic."

Titusville police told the Sentinel that they were investigating a nearby condo burglary when they saw a disheveled, unshaved man enter and leave the park restroom three times. They decided to send in Officer Danny Kavanaugh.

In a statement Kavanaugh said he was drying his hands in a stall when Allen peered—twice—over the stall door, then joined Kavanaugh inside.

"This is kind of a public place, isn't it?" Kavanaugh quoted Allen as saying, according to the Sentinel. Allen then suggested "going across the bridge; it's quieter over there."

When Allen was loaded into the patrol car, the statement said, he asked if "it would help" that he was a state legislator.

"No," the officer said.

Allen, a Republican, represents District 32 of the State House of
Representatives.

The district spans parts of Brevard and Orange counties.

Allen was first elected to the office in 2000.

In March of 2007, he co-sponsored an unsuccessful bill that would have enhanced penalties for "offenses involving unnatural and lascivious acts," such as indecent exposure.

And be sure to check out his recreational interests below....

--------------------B I O----------------------

Rep. Bob Allen
District 32 Republican

Councils/Committee Membership
Committee on Energy Chair
Environment & Natural Resources Council

City of Residence: Merritt Island
Occupation: Economic Development/Education
Spouse: Beth Elaine Allen
Child(ren): Tia
Education: Valencia Community College, A.A.

Religious Affiliation: Protestant
Recreational Interest: Water sports
Legislative Service
Elected to the House in 2000, reelected subsequently.

Highlights

Enterprise Florida, Board of Directors
Speaker Appointments: Florida Space Authority

Monday, August 06, 2007

Instant Pussy Look for Lil Dick Losers



"Fulfill your feminine illusion. This product has been designed to hide the male genitalia with an ultra realistic appearance of a feminine pussy. It allows for body cavity penetration. It can be worn for hours at a time with no problems. The original Vee-String allows the male genitalia to be worn up and behind the pubic hair leaving a feminine mound effect. Later versions of the Vee-String provide for a "bladder" to hold the male genitalia thus permitting the sissy to urinate while sitting. Another version, "The Sheath", provides a Vaginal Canal Sheath so that you can insert a penis into it allowing you and your partner to experience sexual pleasure. The Sheath is attached at The Vaginal Opening, creating the illusion of an actual vagina. The Sheath Canal is 7" long and 1.5" wide in order to accommodate most male sex organs. Another version, "The Masturbator", provides a bladder with an opening where the clitoris would normally be found so the sissy can stick the head of his genitalia through it to simulate a "clittie" just above the vaginal opening. The Head of the sissy's penis becomes the Clitoris, allowing the sissy to urinate and to masturbate as though she were a genetic girl. There is also a "Virgin" version with a hymen that can be broken and restored again and again. It is designed for sexual enjoyment with a larger Vaginal opening that is easily penetrated. After it has been penetrated and the hymen broken, it can be repaired with latex included in the "Virgin" kit."

Click on the link (blog posting title) for more info on how to order a pussy for yourself. I'd rather see the head of a lil dick become a clittie than try to fuck a real woman's pussy ever again!

The SPH List

One of my admirers sent me a list circulating 'round the net of humiliating things which have been said to small dick losers about their inadequacies:


1. Is it shriveled up because you're cold?
2. When will it be hard and erect? Oh! It is fully engorged.
3. Isn't your condom way too big? Oh No! Look!!! It's off!
4. You can stop fingering me and stick it in now!
5. Can I help you find the hole?
6. Are you in yet? Are you sure it's in? Because. . . . .
7. I don't feel anything. Doesn't a virgin feel some pain?
8. My girlfriends all told me it was initially painful.
9. Are you going to cum? Let me know when you cum.
10. Why are you stopping? You're not done yet, are you?
11. Did you shoot off already? I didn't feel anything.
12. I've seen baby carrots bigger than your dick.
13. Oh!!! Look how it shrivels up after shooting off.
14. It's soooo cute!!! (giggle and point)
15. I didn't realize a grown man could get that small.
16. It looks like the little boys I used to babysit.
17. All shriveled up it looks more like a big clit.
18. Here, put it next to mine. See what I mean. I'm bigger!!!
19. Don't cry! We'll work around this "little" problem.
20. But, you can't leave me all hot,wet and horny like this!!
21. Put on that strap-on dildo; you can be my Lesbian Lover!!
22. Wear it over your panties and fuck me like a woman!!!
23. That's it! Make me cum all over that big,thick,fake cock!
24. Can I be honest with you? You fuck me better as a woman!
25. Now, use your tongue, bitch; wrap it around my long clit!
26. Suck that hard clit, baby; just like it's a little cock!
27. Thank goodness you have a long tongue;stick it up my ass!
28. Maybe you should try using your fingers too.
29. What? You want me to give you oral?
30. How do I coax the head out of the foreskin?
31. Why didn't your mother have you circumsized?
32. Oh!!! You are circumsized?
33. Deep throat? It won't reach my throat!!!
34. Look! It all fits in my mouth at once!
35. I've smoked joints thicker and longer than this.
36. At least it won't take long; but pull out when you climax
37. Shoot off on my tits; show me all that thick manly cum.
38. Oh!!! Two tiny dew drops on my tit are all you shoot???
39. Why don't we just cuddle?
40. Have you ever talked with a Doctor about surgery?
41. Pull down your panties and show us your clittie!!!
42. Look!! You'll see why the little bitch wears silk panties!
43. My Gawd, I've fucked women with bigger clits than that!!!
44. Is he tucked or has he already had a sex change operation?
45. It's so cute!Like a TOY dick with min balls?
46. Are his tiny balls from steroids or castration?
47. Neither! Low testosterone caused those shriveled peanuts.
48. He's so small and impotent I'm technically still a virgin!!!
49. He only cums in a tiny spurt while being fucked or milked.
50. See why I need to breed with your potent, creamy sperm!!!



I like #24 and #48 the best....

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Yes-Sir Assfat, August's Biggest Loser?



This month's Biggest Loser goes to........drumroll.......the person who took this picture! I mean, dude, you are as pathetic as the person who took Stinkbob's picture! OK maybe a little less pathetic that the person who took Stinkbob's picture. This picture and pathetic-ness was submitted by newly nicknamed Yes-sir Assfat who was trying to compete for July's Biggest Loser, but he is such a loser, he couldn't even get his picture and paragraphs of shame submitted in time. So now he is August's Biggest Loser. And you may want to ask, in addition to this vision of loveliness, why is he the Biggest Loser this month?

Dear Sara, can I be July's biggest loser. I don't call you very much. I only call when I'm drunk. Bad habit to call phone sex when I'm drunk. Drunk dialing can be expensive. Sometimes I call your recordings. I feel how powerful you are.

I like to wear thongs. They stretch to fit. It's harder for me to wear panties. It makes my little peewee hard. When I'm not drunk. When I'm drunk I get horny, but then my peewee turns into a clit.

The only girls I can get are fat girls. At the bar. But I can't really sex them because my little peewee can't get thru all the fat. So I use toys on them and my tongue. I don't know if I'll ever get to have sex again.


Yes-sir is also the biggest loser of the month because his thong label is turned out! And he's wear Timberlands with a thong? That is such a fashion no-no.