Wednesday, January 28, 2009

A Game of Inches!

peewee, UK correspondent, weighs in on the Superbowl, and yes, American Football is gaining many fans in the UK as the NFL promotes heavily there....

As Superbowl XLIII approaches, this would seem a timely moment to outline, and debate, my latest theory. I would propose a definite proportional relationship between 'football performance' and 'penis size'.

This somewhat unconventional link emerged in my mind after Empress Sara had expressed comments that she enjoys NFL games for the opportunity to enthuse about the huge bulges in the black players tight pants. Even though he is white, Sara also informed me of her (and Nicole's) sexual appreciation of "Big" Ben Roethlisberger. I read her excited words and as they ran through my mind later that sunday whilst watching The Ravens at The Dolphins, I felt so hopelessly inept. I was viewing huge, successful athletes competing as men in an epic display of speed, skill and size. If I felt like a weak, under-endowed white boy before, I was, at that moment, utterly emasculated! I could not escape the fact that I am simply not man enough to compete with these 'men'.

It was also noticeable that the game's star performer, Ed Reed, seemed to possess a ludicrously massive bulge. It made me muse that perhaps being hung like a horse is an attribute that assists sporting prowess. I appreciate this may initially seem a ludicrous proposition. Clearly, TO can hardly catch a ball with his cock - however long, thick and impressive it no doubt is - nor can Joey Porter sack the QB with his stiff, black knob! However, when one gives greater thought to the matter, one must give credence to the possibility that "a good big'un will beat a good little'un" - and "yes" I'm talking about penis size!

Penis size is a topic that affects men in a fundamental and primal way, often inducing cringes from little men. Many under-endowed males grow up and feel insecure about their masculinity, as open young ladies, the media and their own instincts tell them that the bigger the bone he carries the bigger the man he feels! Consequently, small men, keeping their insecurities deeply hidden inside, suffer inevitable damage to their emotional well-being. Men with a smaller manhood, can be described as suffering from Penile Inadequacy Anxiety Syndrome (PIAS), symptoms of which are;

1. persistent worries that his penis is smaller than those of other men;

2. obsessive thoughts about the role of penis size in women's sexual satisfaction;

3. sexual inferiority complex with a phobia for rejection.

PIAS symptoms however, do not merely affect men in the sexual domain. The effects span into other walks of life, not least of which is the team sports arena. To simplify the connection, I will present the links in the same numerical order as above:

1. a reduced likelihood that a male will frequent locker rooms and communal showers, thus risking a humiliating exposure of their shameful endowment;

2. a feeling of emasculation reduces the inclination to gravitate towards masculine contact sports populated by 'real men';

3. the phobia of rejection prevents a male from subjecting himself to the possible disappointment inherent with team selection and squad trials.

Clearly, the side effects of being under-endowed will heavily impact on a man's potential to progress in team sports, particularly masculine contact sports such as football. It therefore follows that conversely, males with massive penises will feel like the true Alpha males! Teams filled with hung players will possess a roster with utter conviction and competitive instincts honed through the developing years of their lives, which will ultimately be rewarded with consistently strong, uncompromising performances.

Empress Sara recently cited to me the much lauded football flick, 'Any Given Sunday', correctly observing that Cameron Diaz was obviously in awe at the penile prowess of the naked black athletes she encountered in the (early) dressing room scene. However, I would take this opportunity to refer to another dressing room scene from the same movie, in which the wise coach, played by the legendary Al Pacino, utters the immortal words:

"You find out life's this game of inches. So is football. Because in either game, life or football...the margin for error is so small...the inches we need are everywhere around us. On this team we fight for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know that when we add up all those inches...that's gonna make the fucking difference between winning and losing!"

I rest my case - in football, size matters!! So beware, The Cardinals this Sunday.... because Empress Sara's big cock radar has detected serious inches in The Steelers camp!!

Yes, Nicole and I detect the major inches are with the Steelers. We would like to do Ben Roethlisberger, Hines Ward and Troy Polamalu, but haven't found any hotness or as many inches on the Cardinals team. Especially, Matt Leinart, ewwwwww....

Why can't that girl in the pic be me, I want to party w/Ben!!!!

Sunday, January 25, 2009


I thought I heard porn in the background of a Niteflirt call, but it was too synchronized. It was puzzling.... Then I realized it was women's tennis players! Grunting. When I asked my Niteflirt wankerboy about it, he confessed: "Yeah I can jerk to the women's players. Especially if they grunt, they sound like they are getting fucked!" Well, it's the Australian Open, and while his favorite grunter, Maria Sharapova wasn't playing due to a shoulder injury, he was still raving about the other Russian tennis hotties. So, I told him to listen to the men grunting instead!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Jungle Story

In really important world news, CNN reports that an Australian man was arrested for breaking into sexstores in Cairns, Australia and doing it with blow-up sexdolls. Specifically, he'd always do it with sex dolly "Jungle Jane". When he was done sticking his Dick into Jane (I couldn't resist), he would dump the dollies in alleys behind the stores. Apparently, he left DNA evidence and was identified and caught from same, oops! Pic is of a "Jungle Jane", hmmmm, I hope this isn't the dude's basement, that's a pretty scary place regardless. Click on blog post title for article.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Celebrity Sightings

Miami takes 3rd place, after NY and LA, for celeb sightings. The paps can make a minor living here, snapping celeb pix. I couldn't even begin to list the celebs I've spotted over the years or the ones my friends have likewise espied. The one thing I can say is that they are rarely as hot in person. They look too human, they've fallen to earth from the screen. They are usually shorter, balder, fatter, grayer, wrinklier. They're walking around live without the benefits of Photoshop.

However, I will share my weirdest sighting. It was Amy Winehouse and her husband or husband to be Blake. They were so pale! Skinny! Frail. I thought they were insects, not human.

And here peewee (UK correspondent) puts me on alert of a UK celeb-u-hottie cavorting with an American football player here in Miami. But no, they weren't at the pool where we pool whored this past weekend.

On the subject of pool whoring in Miami, it has been widely reported in the British press that the beautiful Irish lead singer, Nadine Coyle of Girls Aloud, is holidaying there at present. In previous 'UK Jungle Fever Updates', I had referred to breaking news that Nadine had 'gone black', following stories linking her with the New York Giant, Jason Bell. Well, I am happy to confirm that the relationship is now blossoming, as seems to be the usual case whenever one of our prettiest white celebrities finally hooks up with a big black man. The tabloid junkies over here have been busy feasting their eyes on pics of the lovely Miss Coyle pool whoring with a lucky Mr Bell! Apparently there's even talk that he might be "the one" for the lovely Nadine. With Nadine and her band mate, Cheryl Cole, arguably the most influential role models to the current generation of young British girls, it seems extremely likely that our girls will soon be hopping on the black cock at even greater regularity than is already the case. If you happen to encounter Nadine whilst pool-side in Miami, please send her my love and tell her that all the English men are really enjoying all the hot pics of her & Jason together. Everyone can see that they look perfect together....

photo credit: SplashNews

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Hot Wallpaper!

Hot Wallpaper

I'm giving out free January Calendar wallpaper of me, wallpaper for your computer that is, to any of my bloggies. Regular and large screen sizes available. Email me on Niteflirt or on Gmail to request.


Miami Pool Whores

When biz is bouncin', there are plenty of out-of-town pool whores to go around and decorate the hotel pools. But biz isn't bouncin', and many of the pool scenes are abysmal. This doesn't bode well to attract or retain the male guests.

So enter the local talent pool of pool whores! The word has spread. Miami hotels need pool whores. Whereas a lovely lass might have expected to pay a nominal fee to use a hotel pool for the day under normal circumstances, the fees have been waived, the towel fees have been waived, but alas no free drinks yet. Well, not that Nicole, or Jenn, or Ember or Taylor or I have ever had to pay for poolside drinks yet hehehe as our drinks have always been 'bought'.

So we are doing our good deed for Miami tourism by pool whoring. But with a more evil purpose. To fish for slaves. No luck with fishing yet, but the pool whoring season isn't over.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Porn Bail-out!?!

Since our bail-out money (as in taxpayer money) has already been shelled out and ended up paying for phat bonuses for bank execs....why not bail out porn? Why stop with the insurance, financial and auto industry....I doubt Larry Flynt of the Hustler empire and Joe Francis of the Girls Gone Wild reality porn fiefdom are expecting a dime of bail-out money.

Still, even though Larry and Joe are complaining that porn revenues are down 20%, a good portion of that diminished revenue percentage has nothing to do with the economy, and is rather is attributable to a switch in consumer buying and viewing preferences.

1. DVD sales are down because more porn consumers are watching videos and clips online in lieu of buying or renting DVDs. This is also a trend that is slowly taking over the mainstream DVD movie business. Many rental stores are closing as consumers are solely using mailing house DVD rental companies such as Netflix (this accelerated when gas prices skyrocketed) or are streaming movies live onto their computer or are using TV-VOD or PPV services.

2. DVD sales are down and porn site memberships and dialer money is down because so many of the "tube" sites (porntube, eskimotube etc) are offering free pirated jerk-off clip material.

3. Buying trends overall are down in areas where the goods can be 'virtually' obtained. Why buy DVDs, CDs, books and other goods that can be viewed or listened to or read for free or for a lower price than owning the actual item. Especially with porn, many consumers would rather not have the actual item in possession, due to discretion issues.

But while revenue might be down, profits in porn overall, are much higher than in other industries. Porn will survive, and doesn't need to be bailed out. By throwing their hat in the bail-out ring, Larry and Joe bring attention to the hypocrisy of our current government in a semi-Shakespearean way.

photo credit: Getty Images

Monday, January 05, 2009

Cocksucking Confession!

One morning I woke up very early--for some reason I couldn't sleep--and was feeling very horny and adventurous. I logged onto Niteflirt and emailed Sara. We have talked several times over the past couple years and I love her. We have had some of the nastiest conversations by far that I have ever had. I would give anything to see her in person. Anyway, I forget what I said to her in the email, but I'm sure I asked her if she had any humiliating tasks for me. She told me to call her new "Ho Ho Ho" recording, so I did it without hesitation--or even really checking out what it was all about. The topic, of course, was sucking cock for her. I am totally straight, and never have even thought about such a thing. Sure, I love having a female domme stuff her strapon up my ass, and I adore dressing in women's lingerie, but I never ever have wanted to be with a man in any fashion--and I still don't. But for some reason this recording got my cock/clit super hard, and it poked completely out of my panties! I think part of the reason for this was Sara's voice, which is magical, but I also loved the idea of doing something humiliating and totally depraved. So, after she confirmed by email that she really, really wanted me to do this, I proceeded.

I put an ad up on craigslist, and obviously got a ton of responses. At first I had no luck--a couple people flaked on me and then I went out of town for a few days. Then, when I got back, Sara prodded me again, so I re-posted. Again, I got a lot of responses. I weeded out the ones who couldn't write or spell and who sounded retarded, and I also deleted the ones that I got a weird vibe from. Finally I set something up with a guy who lives not too far from me. I didn't know if I would go through with it or not, even up to the point when I was driving over there. I was sort of sure I would pussy out, but something--probably the idea of Sara and my mental image of her beautiful face and mocking laughter--compelled me to keep going. I got there, and he answered. Really, a normal looking guy, very gay, but normal and non-descript. (I won't give his name out, just to be discreet.) Anyway, he could tell I was nervous, and talked with me for a bit. I still kept thinking that I would apologize and back out, but I didn't. He asked me why I was doing this, and I explained the whole thing--basically what I am writing now, but I went into some of my fantasies in more detail. He thought it was pretty hot, and seemed to enjoy the scenario. He confessed that he loved to break in "straight" guys, so this was sort of a big fantasy of his. I told him that I was unsure if I could go through with it or not, but he said that he would be disappointed if I left. So, since I was a little uncomfortable, I asked him if I could get started. He said sure, and took his pants off. He was already hard, and so he took out a condom and gave it to me to put on him. I did, and, reassured that there wasn't going to be lip-to-cock contact, I went for it.

I just closed my eyes, held my breath, and went for it! He came pretty quickly, thankfully. Afterwards he asked me if he could do anything for me, so I said sure, why not a good old fashioned lotion handjob. He enthusiastically said yes, and went to work. He wanted me to cum on his face so I thought, "why not, I've already degraded and humiliated myself." Afterwards we said an uncomfortable goodbye, and I left. I have felt really, really weird and grossed out about it since. But I suppose if Sara wants me to, I would do it for her again. This time I would like it if someone's wife or girlfriend would be there to watch and cheer me on. Or even if Sara could talk to the guy (or the girlfriend watching) while I do it, so Sara can get a report on what's happening. I also think sucking a tranny's cock would be really hot too.

Stripper Junkie : January's Loser of the Month!!!

Sara, I beg and I beg, please make me your Loser of the Month for January. Please just don't show my face in the picture. There's enough to show why I'm a loser. Here's my story:

I am 43 years old and live with my Mother and her latest boyfriend. They live in a modular in a 55+ community. Modular is a fancy word for trailer. I'm under the radar so far, no one has questioned me here, but I'm balding and whatever hairs are left are going grey and I'm overweight and asthmatic, so maybe I look 55+.

Here is my sad, sad story. I basically buy stuff from old people who live here and other retirement places and sell it on eBay or Craigslist. The problem is it nets me alot of cash and then I blow it at the strip club or at card games. Then my mom bothers me for rent money or food money and she and I fight about what a loser and leech and pervert I am. She regularly catches me looking at online porn, so I forgot that's where else I spend money, on porn and Niteflirt. I have a very small dick and have only gotten laid a few times, like over 20 years ago.

Recently, I met this beautiful stripper named Ashley. There are private rooms at the strip club where Ashley works. You have to BYOB. I didn't even bother sitting at the rail anymore, I just wanted Ashley all to myself. The girls have to split their tips with the club. Ashley would hide her $ inside this clip-on wig extension thing or in this thing she made in her boot and split less to the club that way. I had no problem with that. I think I was kind of in love with her. I dreamed of her being my girlfriend, but I knew I had no chance with someone as beautiful and sexy as Ashley. Well one nite the bouncer (a big black muscle guy) caught her hiding the tip $ while she was in a room with me and he went ballistic. Said he would tell the owner, and she'd get beat up. Like beat up, really. Unless she gave him all her tip money right now. I had just given her $200, so the bouncer got that plus some tips she had collected earlier from other clients. I felt so bad that I gave her another $200, because she was crying. She needed to pay her rent, that was her rent $. So I gave her another $200. She was balling and balling that she was still $200 short for rent so I went to the ATM and got her $200 more. I guess I get so weak when a girl cries.

Then another nite I was at this place where guys play cards, it's got action. There was a girl serving drinks there who looked familiar. She used to strip at the club where Ashley works and introduced herself to me. Devon is her name. I lost big that nite, but decided to have one more drink for the road on the sofa in the card room and just cool off. Devon said this one is on the house. I drink Old Fashioneds. Yeah I know, I might as well be 55+.

So then Devon asked did Ashley and DeShawn ever pull that scam on me. And I said huh? You know the one where she gets caught hiding her tips? Huh? I said. I had been drinking and I needed time for this to sink in. Honey, DeShawn 'n' Ashley are like boyfriend 'n' girlfriend. He's an ex-con, they both are, and they pull that scam on alot of guys. Pretend she is caught, in big trouble, going to get beat up and then she starts crying and then they both scam more money out of you. Guess what is next?

Stop I said. Oh please stop, I begged Devon not to tell me one more word. I could envision Ashley trying to blackmail me or forcing me to give her more and more money. I could picture her fucking DeShawn's huge black cock with a pile of cash underneath her on the bed and they are laughing and laughing at all the money they took from horny small dick white losers like me. Then I found this kind of turned me on. So I drove home and went online and looked at interracial porn and jerked off. And I jerk off to black on blonde porn all the time now. I still haven't gone back to the strip club where Ashley works. There are other strip clubs, a little farther to drive, classier places where they can actually serve liquor, so I think I'll start going to one of those. Maybe the girls are classier there too and won't try to pull a scam on me.

"Sara, I beg and I beg, please make me your Loser of the Month for January." Consider it done! Sara

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Stranger than Fiction!

--Portland, Oregon (click the title of this post for the complete article)

A naked man fled the home he broke into Tuesday morning after the woman who lives there defended herself by attacking his genitals, police said. Officers arrested Michael Dick, 46, on charges of burglary, harassment and private indecency. Officials with the Multnomah County Sheriff's Office said Dick, who was completely naked, entered the house through an unlocked sliding door at about 6:30 a.m. and pushed the 88-year-old woman face-first into a chair.

The victim was definitely shaken up, but luckily she is OK and unharmed. She said an old news story she saw years ago helped her defend herself.

“I was thinking, 'Oh, this couldn’t be happening to me,'” the victim said.

She said she was picking up some logs for her wood stove, when all of a sudden a completely naked stranger walked in through her sliding glass door.

“I thought it was somebody I knew, but then seeing him without clothing, you know, it’s nobody I knew,” she said.

Police said he shoved her face-first into a chair, but before he could make another move, she fought back.

“I kept saying, 'No, no, no!' And then I said, 'Holy mother!' And then I said, 'God.' And then he stopped and that’s when I reached around and grabbed him,” she said.

In that moment, she said she flashed back to an old news story about a woman facing a similar intruder. She remembered that woman survived by grabbing the man’s testicles.

The man tore free, ran out the door, jumped in his car and drove away, deputies said.

Police said a Multnomah County code enforcement officer was in the area when the call came over his radio, so he parked and took down the license plate information of two cars that drove by that could have been related to the burglary.

The license plate information led Troutdale officers to Dick's car, which was still in the area, and after interviewing Dick, they arrested him. Police said further charges against Dick are pending.

-- The man's name is Dick? Oy! And that when she saw Dick naked, she realized it was nobody she knew? Priceless! That's how I remember guys. Not by how they look with their clothes on!