Friday, August 31, 2007

Overheard at the Club - Is she or isn't she-he?

2 Guys

Guy #1: I woke up next to this girl last weekend, for a second I thought it was a dude.

Guy #2: Were you high?

Guy #1: No, it was just one of those girls who wakes up looking like a dude.

Guy #2: Are you sure it wasn't a dude?

Guy #1: Fuck no, what do you think I'm gay!?!

Guy #2: Dude sometimes you get so fucked up, I've told you, you were talking to a she-he and you didn't believe me.

Guy #1: You think every girl with fake tits is a she-he.

Guy #2: I'm telling you, it's a possibility. Make a grab before you take it home.

I can see how this might be pivotal to a drunk guy at 4am unsure if it's a she or a she-he, but there are honrdogs to whom it doesn't matter, a suck is a suck and a fuck is a fuck. Methinks if the guy I encountered at the club likes girls who look like dudes sans make-up, or flirts with trannies, then he probably is getting close to the edge of the gay-cliff and his friend is just trying to get him to admit it. Since girls check out dick sizes before taking a guy home, it wouldn't surprise me if guys starting checking for dicks....

Wishing everyone a wonderful Labor Day Weekend!

My sister's boyfriend bought this fancy-ass grill, some stainless steel monstrosity. If I only knew where to get the dick roaster, my sister and I could play a little gag. Yes, I have to go to a family BBQ this weekend, sigh.....I'm in charge of the potato salad.

Eat Cock!

Click on the blog post title for the link. Not for the faint of heart or stomach, this article details how one restaurant in Beijing serves PENISES. Animal penises of all types. Apparently, Chinese men believe that eating penises will make them more virile. I got a kick out of the quote in the article about Chinese 'government officials eating penis hotpot'. Hmmmm, shades of Senator Larry Craig? Although I would say he's 'in' the penis hotpot right now.

You can also eat ass at the restaurant. One of the delicacies is Bull's Perineum (below). Yum.

So very gay!

I know some of you are going to jerk off to this pic. Dates back to the 60's. Subversive! Click the blog post title for more on the homos wrestling. Is this where the Calvin Klein ads got their inspiration? My sister I used to cruise for bulges in the CK ads waaaayyy back in time. Besides 'checking packages' on the beach, this must have been when our Size QueenDOM was starting to register.

Camel Toe!

Sent by one of my Nitespurt admirers....

Monday, August 27, 2007

Pass the Salt Peter!

I am hard at work on a list of things losers, weaklings, wimps, fags and cucks can do to decrease their sperm production, make them less horny and hopefully impotent. I really don't want any flavor of loser in the gene pool. Call me the lifeguard! I've blown my whistle, and all you losers, weaklings, wimps, fags and cucks have to get out of the water!

So far I've cum up with:

1. Salt peter
2. Ball squashing
3. Hot baths / jacuzzi dips
4. Tight panties to keep ball temp high, that destroys sperm
5. Caffeinated beverages
6. Foods with yellow dye #2 (gatorade lemon/lime, yellow m&m's)
7. Female hormone cream rubbed on the useless nuts

As soon as I cum up with 10 things, I will do a recording outlining my new Eliminate your Swimmers Program.

Sara's Size-o-Meter

I am tired of guys calling my Size Queen listing on Niteflirt proud and boastful of their 7" cock. 7" is the new 'average' sized cock. It is not 'large'. Large is 8" and over. Size Queens will just sniff at a 7", but usually pass it up for larger meat.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Not Another Red Corvette!

Of course girls can tell your penis size by your damn car. And this car spells 3 1/2"!! We know this guy isn't packing anything but a peanut. Why is it that small dickens go for the red Corvettes? There are other color choices. I wouldn't be caught dead in a red one. Neither would any of my girlfriends....

Sara Einstein's Theory of Dick Size Relativity:

R E D C O R V E T T E = S M A L L P E N I S

And the proud owner? Mr. "I Have a 3 1/2" Penis Car"!!

PS Toad drives a PT Cruiser, how fitting....

Monday, August 20, 2007

The Fagtastic Five!

One of my bloggies sent me this 'chillarious' pic. As we know from the plethora of superhero 'n' comic book hero movies popped out by Hollywood, America 'lurvs' men in tights. Let's make that fags in tights. According to my bloggie, there are 'groups' or 'clubs' gay men can join to pursue their superhero fantasies. Video camera optional. Perhaps Spidey needed more white sticky stuff?

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Virtual Boob Job?

A Sissy's SIM Adventure?

Oh my god, I am for once twice or thrice, speechless! I must do a shot of something, ok there's some Grey Goose in the freezer. Open the bottle, I'm all thumbs, watch out stomach, here it comes.... One of my bloggies sent this to me. Even he didn't know what it is or where it came from. If anyone has any idea, please enlighten me. Till then I will be very, very scared.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Overheard at the Club -- Crassholes

3 guys....

Guy #1: Yeah and when we have that party after my parents go on vacation, none of the chicks will be over 22.

Guy #2: None over 22, not even 23?

Guy #1: Nope.

Guy #1: Hey! Do you want to come to our party?

Me: I'm too old for your party.

Guy #1: Damn. You could pass for 22.

Overheard at the Club -- I think she probably needed to escape from her friends...

2 toasted girls to me: Have you see our girlfriend?

Me: What does she look like?

One of the girls: She went to the bathroom like an hour ago?

Me: What was she wearing?

The other girl: But have you seen her?

Thursday, August 09, 2007

I wonder if this 'cocksucker' calls me on Niteflirt....

Titusville police say they have arrested Florida State Rep. Robert
"Bob" Allen, of Merritt Island, on second degree misdemeanor charges
for solicitation for prostitution.

Allen, 48, was arrested Wednesday afternoon at Veteran's Memorial Park on East Broad Street in Titusville.

The park was under surveillance by a detail of undercover police

Officers say they noticed Allen acting suspicious as he went in and
out of the men's restroom 3 times.

Minutes later, he solicited an undercover male officer inside the
restroom, offering to perform oral sex for $20.

In a taped statement and other documents released last week, Allen, 48, told police that he was intimidated into offering sex.

"I certainly wasn't there to have sex with anybody and certainly wasn't there to exchange money for it," the Orlando Sentinel quoted him as saying.

Rather, he said, "This was a pretty stocky black guy, and there was nothing but other black guys around in the park," Allen said. He said he feared he "was about to be a statistic."

Titusville police told the Sentinel that they were investigating a nearby condo burglary when they saw a disheveled, unshaved man enter and leave the park restroom three times. They decided to send in Officer Danny Kavanaugh.

In a statement Kavanaugh said he was drying his hands in a stall when Allen peered—twice—over the stall door, then joined Kavanaugh inside.

"This is kind of a public place, isn't it?" Kavanaugh quoted Allen as saying, according to the Sentinel. Allen then suggested "going across the bridge; it's quieter over there."

When Allen was loaded into the patrol car, the statement said, he asked if "it would help" that he was a state legislator.

"No," the officer said.

Allen, a Republican, represents District 32 of the State House of

The district spans parts of Brevard and Orange counties.

Allen was first elected to the office in 2000.

In March of 2007, he co-sponsored an unsuccessful bill that would have enhanced penalties for "offenses involving unnatural and lascivious acts," such as indecent exposure.

And be sure to check out his recreational interests below....

--------------------B I O----------------------

Rep. Bob Allen
District 32 Republican

Councils/Committee Membership
Committee on Energy Chair
Environment & Natural Resources Council

City of Residence: Merritt Island
Occupation: Economic Development/Education
Spouse: Beth Elaine Allen
Child(ren): Tia
Education: Valencia Community College, A.A.

Religious Affiliation: Protestant
Recreational Interest: Water sports
Legislative Service
Elected to the House in 2000, reelected subsequently.


Enterprise Florida, Board of Directors
Speaker Appointments: Florida Space Authority

Monday, August 06, 2007

Instant Pussy Look for Lil Dick Losers

"Fulfill your feminine illusion. This product has been designed to hide the male genitalia with an ultra realistic appearance of a feminine pussy. It allows for body cavity penetration. It can be worn for hours at a time with no problems. The original Vee-String allows the male genitalia to be worn up and behind the pubic hair leaving a feminine mound effect. Later versions of the Vee-String provide for a "bladder" to hold the male genitalia thus permitting the sissy to urinate while sitting. Another version, "The Sheath", provides a Vaginal Canal Sheath so that you can insert a penis into it allowing you and your partner to experience sexual pleasure. The Sheath is attached at The Vaginal Opening, creating the illusion of an actual vagina. The Sheath Canal is 7" long and 1.5" wide in order to accommodate most male sex organs. Another version, "The Masturbator", provides a bladder with an opening where the clitoris would normally be found so the sissy can stick the head of his genitalia through it to simulate a "clittie" just above the vaginal opening. The Head of the sissy's penis becomes the Clitoris, allowing the sissy to urinate and to masturbate as though she were a genetic girl. There is also a "Virgin" version with a hymen that can be broken and restored again and again. It is designed for sexual enjoyment with a larger Vaginal opening that is easily penetrated. After it has been penetrated and the hymen broken, it can be repaired with latex included in the "Virgin" kit."

Click on the link (blog posting title) for more info on how to order a pussy for yourself. I'd rather see the head of a lil dick become a clittie than try to fuck a real woman's pussy ever again!

The SPH List

One of my admirers sent me a list circulating 'round the net of humiliating things which have been said to small dick losers about their inadequacies:

1. Is it shriveled up because you're cold?
2. When will it be hard and erect? Oh! It is fully engorged.
3. Isn't your condom way too big? Oh No! Look!!! It's off!
4. You can stop fingering me and stick it in now!
5. Can I help you find the hole?
6. Are you in yet? Are you sure it's in? Because. . . . .
7. I don't feel anything. Doesn't a virgin feel some pain?
8. My girlfriends all told me it was initially painful.
9. Are you going to cum? Let me know when you cum.
10. Why are you stopping? You're not done yet, are you?
11. Did you shoot off already? I didn't feel anything.
12. I've seen baby carrots bigger than your dick.
13. Oh!!! Look how it shrivels up after shooting off.
14. It's soooo cute!!! (giggle and point)
15. I didn't realize a grown man could get that small.
16. It looks like the little boys I used to babysit.
17. All shriveled up it looks more like a big clit.
18. Here, put it next to mine. See what I mean. I'm bigger!!!
19. Don't cry! We'll work around this "little" problem.
20. But, you can't leave me all hot,wet and horny like this!!
21. Put on that strap-on dildo; you can be my Lesbian Lover!!
22. Wear it over your panties and fuck me like a woman!!!
23. That's it! Make me cum all over that big,thick,fake cock!
24. Can I be honest with you? You fuck me better as a woman!
25. Now, use your tongue, bitch; wrap it around my long clit!
26. Suck that hard clit, baby; just like it's a little cock!
27. Thank goodness you have a long tongue;stick it up my ass!
28. Maybe you should try using your fingers too.
29. What? You want me to give you oral?
30. How do I coax the head out of the foreskin?
31. Why didn't your mother have you circumsized?
32. Oh!!! You are circumsized?
33. Deep throat? It won't reach my throat!!!
34. Look! It all fits in my mouth at once!
35. I've smoked joints thicker and longer than this.
36. At least it won't take long; but pull out when you climax
37. Shoot off on my tits; show me all that thick manly cum.
38. Oh!!! Two tiny dew drops on my tit are all you shoot???
39. Why don't we just cuddle?
40. Have you ever talked with a Doctor about surgery?
41. Pull down your panties and show us your clittie!!!
42. Look!! You'll see why the little bitch wears silk panties!
43. My Gawd, I've fucked women with bigger clits than that!!!
44. Is he tucked or has he already had a sex change operation?
45. It's so cute!Like a TOY dick with min balls?
46. Are his tiny balls from steroids or castration?
47. Neither! Low testosterone caused those shriveled peanuts.
48. He's so small and impotent I'm technically still a virgin!!!
49. He only cums in a tiny spurt while being fucked or milked.
50. See why I need to breed with your potent, creamy sperm!!!

I like #24 and #48 the best....

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Yes-Sir Assfat, August's Biggest Loser?

This month's Biggest Loser goes to........drumroll.......the person who took this picture! I mean, dude, you are as pathetic as the person who took Stinkbob's picture! OK maybe a little less pathetic that the person who took Stinkbob's picture. This picture and pathetic-ness was submitted by newly nicknamed Yes-sir Assfat who was trying to compete for July's Biggest Loser, but he is such a loser, he couldn't even get his picture and paragraphs of shame submitted in time. So now he is August's Biggest Loser. And you may want to ask, in addition to this vision of loveliness, why is he the Biggest Loser this month?

Dear Sara, can I be July's biggest loser. I don't call you very much. I only call when I'm drunk. Bad habit to call phone sex when I'm drunk. Drunk dialing can be expensive. Sometimes I call your recordings. I feel how powerful you are.

I like to wear thongs. They stretch to fit. It's harder for me to wear panties. It makes my little peewee hard. When I'm not drunk. When I'm drunk I get horny, but then my peewee turns into a clit.

The only girls I can get are fat girls. At the bar. But I can't really sex them because my little peewee can't get thru all the fat. So I use toys on them and my tongue. I don't know if I'll ever get to have sex again.

Yes-sir is also the biggest loser of the month because his thong label is turned out! And he's wear Timberlands with a thong? That is such a fashion no-no.