Saturday, November 29, 2008

Tarzan - forced GAY by Jane!


HOW TARZAN, KING OF THE JUNGLE BECAME

TARA: PRINCESS OF OUR TREEHOUSE


by Gaywayne

Jane emails Gaywayne....

Dear Gaywayne, Thanks to modern technology, a nearby village where I work as an anthropologist in Africa is hooked up to satellite making it possible for me to have use of a laptop. One day by computer surfing I was lucky enough to get into Sara's Playroom and enjoy your letters to Sara as well as her great blog. I particularly loved hearing about how she and girlfriends go the west indies to meet hot black studs, because white guys are so boring. Isn't that the truth. I know that the white girl going black movement has now gone from ocean to ocean from England to America. I read about how the white ladies went from 6 inch white boys to replace them to 9 or 10 inch black studs in Jamaica. So how about black cock, a full 12 inches and thick here where I live. Enough to make the whiteboys faint ha ha.

You know Africa is the mother country where all black men and big cocks came from. Tell Sara that she and Nicole and Jessica should come and visit me and I'll set them up with a whole village of huge cock black men and make white guys like Gaywayne drool with envy. LOL.

My English girlfriends come to visit and update on what's the latest in the London circles. The night before we go out manhunting we chat on the latest while my former boyfriend, Tara, serves us drinks in high heels, pigtails and panties for the amusement of my girlfriends. He's such a pussy. Right now he's looking through the new issue of victoria's secret that I gave him to pick some very prissy panties for him to wear and make sure that they match his lipstick, of course tee hee. Tonight us girls fuck each other with strap-ons to loosen us up for the big beautiful black native men in the nearby village and leave Tara with a stack of Gay magazines of course LOL. It's so easy to call the shots and date other guys once you turn your man queer. The future of whiteboys is going to be very gay indeed.

I also believe that Tara will make the perfect little babysitter after I get Pregnant with a couple of black babies. That will keep the little homemaker busy while the girls and I go out and play.

My girlfriends' white boyfriends/husbands think they are on vacation here to get away from men Ha and see exotic animals in the wild. After the girls have seen my little pansy (who I adore dressing up like a 1950's maxwell house coffee ad housewife) they want to turn their men gay too. What else are we to do with them? Except turn them into zombie cocksuckers.

SHATTERING THE MYTH OF THE OLD TARZAN

Putting Tarzan/tara's hair up in a french twist did not take happen overnight you see. It took careful time planning. It all started....To be continued. Gaywayne

Friday, November 21, 2008

The Mahogany Monster



I would do it. Nicole would do it. Taylor would do it. And we'd do the Secret Service agents (if they were hung)....

The Gay Dock!



From a devote`:

"I have to confess to being a bit shocked by your last email. 21 days to reprogram? Incredible. I have always assumed that most "forced" bisexuality isn't really forced at all. The idea of "forced" generally reminds me of standing at the end of a dock trying to work up the nerve to jump in a cold lake. One isn't forced to go swimming, one wishes to go swimming, but cannot summon the nerve to jump in and take the shock of the cold water until one is pushed off the end of the dock by someone else. Aren't most submissives who are "forced" into a gay experience really just being pushed of the end of the dock, on some level?** This was always my thinking. But having you assert (and I certainly have no reason to disbelieve you) that you can reprogram a man in 21 days is astonishing. Small wonder you feel no need to be called Mistress or Goddess to reinforce your sense of power and superiority if you can reassign someone's sexual orientation without their cooperation. I AM lucky this week's assignment only lasts a week.

This said, I've have had enormous difficulties trying to obey your last instructions. Naked men, no matter how buff or handsome, have NO effect on me, erect penises are actively offputting, and spurting semen is revolting beyond adjectives. Nothing I can do will produce even the slightest response in me with images of this kind in front of me. I have made an honest attempt to do what you ask each day since the assignment was made. After I failed to produce any reaction at all again this morning, I went and viewed a photo of you on one of your listings, just to make sure nothing was interfering with the response otherwise, and reacted instantly. (I did obey and didn't allow myself anything beyond the knowledge that all systems were GO while looking at you). I will continue to obey the instruction; possibly as the time period since my last orgasm lengthens there will be some response, but I have profound doubts. I'd have no doubts at all except for your chilling assertion that you can reprogram a man, which scares me to death."

**Touche` Sara

Gay for Pay-to-View!


I dished out a Pay-to-View assignment tonite where my gayboy-in-training had to watch tonite's football game and lust after the players' asses and dick-bulges, had to imagine what it would be like to be in the locker room, begging for cock. Here is the result:

"I am watching the game and instead of thinking about the plays, I am thinking about the players -- them naked, hot, dicks swinging as they run, what they'd do to me in the locker room after. You're turning me out. Please make me your total whore."

And I shall....

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Gay vs Sissy vs Shemale vs Straight

Empress, I picked up a Latina Shemale, one of many who hang around Santa Monica Blvd between La Brea and Gower in Hollywood. At first she looked at mine and wanted to know if I had ever taken female hormones. I ignored the question. I said though my size didn't matter much because I was a bottom and I suck cock. And she was hung! Double Ds and 8 inches. [I can tell by how far it goes down my throat]. She said "Oh? You want to blow me?' Her smile lit her face. I went down and demonstrated why some have cum to call me "magic mouth". [What else is someone with my dick size going to do? I had to develop those skills. or things would be very lonely.] You should tell all your little dicked guys that there are only two ways to not be lonely when one has a button rather than a dick. That is:

1) serve as slave to a Domme who permits cuckold cleaning and/or preparing the Holy Vagina for pleasure by the use of special and secretly taught tongue and other oral methods of worshipping the Holy Hole.

2) get good at sucking cock and rimming so a guy might put up with you. A word of warning. Gay isn't a sure answer. Gay guys tend to be bigger and bitchier size queens than females and much more gossipy. Gay guys usually don't care for cross dressers, they want "men". Wimps and sissies are better off with Bisexual Men, especially if the sissy is actually passable. Otherwise stick to glory holes, park bushes etc. And of course Dommes who have a collection of allegedly "straight" males who would permit themselves release into another man [or a creature somewhat resembling a man] as long as a woman is "ordering ". That is necessary to assuage their alleged "straight" conscience.. There are of course very horny guys who would stick theirs anywhere woman, man or beast.

Of course I know you know that Empress I am just saying I think it would be so kind, considerate and merciful of you to point things like that out to losers with short things growing from their groin that they can also pee out of. Certainly I am indebted for ever to the Domme who back in 1977 really told me like it was and to give up all hope of being masculine and straight.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Old Lady Nicole's Birthday



Nicole is now 26 and this makes her an AARP card carrying senior citizen!!! She's prolly the oldest dancer at her club, altho she lies all the time, and says she is 23, yeah, she has been 23 for the past 3 years.

For Nicole's party, we surprised her with her own senior citizen party, and a cake that said:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY OLD MAID!!


I gave her a stack of phone books to better see over the steering wheel with, in fact I put them right in her Mustang convertible, evil! Ember gave her granny panties and a girdle with garters and to complete the granny stripper ensemble, support hose! Taylor gave her a bunch of old lady remedies including Geritol, callous creme, and some pussy wettening suppositories!!!! Jenn went to some thrift shop and got her a cane! Jessica did better and got her a walker! Nicole was so pissed!!! Just wait till you're 27 bitches!!! she kept screeching at us. We all got totally bombe'd on Mansinthe, I'll have to blog about Mansinthe another time....

Happy Birthday to my Blog!


My Blog is 2!!

Thank you to all my blog contributers and followers (bloggies) for making it such a great success!

Response to the comment (click Comments to read):

Well, my girlfriends and I have this tradition of coming up with the most evil of birthday parties, so it will not be surprising if I have to lick frosting off of huge chocolate balls again, which reminds me, I need to blog about Nicole's 26th birthday party....

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Salt vs. Pepper


from peewee, my intrepid UK bloggie correspondent....

I stayed up until 6am for the big fight last night - Florida's own living legend, Roy Jones, Jr. vs Britain's finest ever fighter, Joe Calzaghe. The unassuming Calzaghe, like most with a British-Italian heritage (I'm sure you'd agree Sara!), is supremely gifted and knows it. But he's never shouted about it, whilst amassing a perfect 44-0 record.

Then came a Vegas showdown with Bernard 'The Executioner' Hopkins in April, in which the crass Philadelphian famously proclaimed during the pre-fight build-up: "I'll never lose to a whiteboy"!! The statement evoked memories of the olden days when boxing legends such as Jack Johnson and Joe Louis were constantly fighting against racist attitudes, in a bid to prove that black men could compete on an even footing. Hopkins' comment pained me, because this antagonistic remark was made at a time when we whiteboys are already beginning to accept that black men have gone way beyond achieving an 'even footing'. We realise that big black men are so much better with our girls and that, physically, we don't match up.

Seriously, most whiteboys are indeed fast developing inferiority complexes about big black men. Despite this, we like them and racism is quickly dispersing. We understand and accept why the prettiest white girls need BBC. We worship the black athletes on the sports fields. We buy the black musical artists brilliant albums. And we befriend and value our black neigbours and colleagues.

So Hopkins' inflammatory remark was unnecessary and divisive. And I was delighted when Calzaghe rammed his words down his throat with a victory 6 months ago. And last night, Joe collided, in the Madison Square Garden ring, with the best of his generation, Roy Jones Jr from Pensacola. And yet again, the "whiteboy" won in a brilliant display of speed, skill and character.

Perhaps Hopkins should learn that it's better not to vocalise the emerging black dominance in the sporting arena. Saying that he will never lose a boxing fight against a whiteboy was, and has been proven to be, absurd. Whereas if he'd just said that he has a bigger cock than Joe, and could sexually satisfy his girlfriend in a way that a whiteboy can only dream, no-one would have put up any kind of resistance. Especially, I suspect, Joe's pretty white girlfriend!!

Being of British-Italian descent were you rooting for Joe last night, or as a born & bred Floridian was your heart with Roy? Or were you too busy cuckolding me with some hung Miami stud to care either way!?!

peewee, here in the USofA, we refer to Calzaghe as Welsh, and Welshmen are known to be the most well-hung in any of the UK, because of the Moorish influence when the Moors invaded the British Isles. Tom Jones (as revealed in my much earlier blog post) revealed the generous Welsh 'penisize'. I'm sure Calzaghe is equally hung, being of Italian and Welsh ancestry. Of the two, I'd rather do Calzaghe, because while Roy may be hung, he's just so narcissistic and annoying! To answer your question, yes, my $, well if I had $ to bet, was on Calzaghe. And I'm glad in this case, salt trumped pepper.

And.... there is some debate as to whether Pensacola is really in Florida. Most South or Central Floridians wished the Panhandle would just secede and become its' own state haha, or join Alabama.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

November's McLoser of the Month!


By popular demand.... It seems too easy, but fits this moment in time.

On next month's loser menu, I have a winner or loser haha already pre-selected. This loser is so loserly, you should shield your eyes, you should take a shoebox and make 2 pinholes in it to view the solar eclipse eye-blinding brightness of this loser. December's upcoming loser still does not de-throne the epitome of losers, Stinkbob, who I regrettably believe has gone to the Great Gloryhole in the Sky, but this loser cums close, my friends....

Red Tractor, Small Penis?


comment from a little pet responding to my Obama Obsessed post (scroll below):

I agree that the Democrats' campaign cleverly underplayed Obama's 'blackness'. It's fascinating to think they may have employed cynical lighting manipulation and fashion choices specifically designed to lighten his color and appease the racist element of the white electorate. It wouldn't surprise me. The political spin doctors will have made every attempt to eradicate the feeling of white-boy jealousy and resentment towards him. They needed to ensure that the little white-boys identified with him, rather than envied him. Presenting Obama as a powerful, black, sexual man with a big cock would have been a sure way to lose votes. In contrast, skillfully misrepresenting this proud black man as a light skinned, half white, considerate thinker, with more between his ears than in his pants, will have resonated with the sensitive small dicked Caucasian males. And what better way to achieve this aim than by picturing the President elect in a red car!?! Red Car = Small Penis = White Votes!!

and on that note, I shall shamelessly pimp one of my other blogs:

Red Car? Small Penis!

However, my little pet, here we see Obama depicted with a red tractor, not a red car, but still it works for those farmers, rednecks and midwesterners who are into their red tractors as penis symbols....

It's all over for the Whiteboys! by Gaywayne



I used to have girls say to me, "Oh Wayne, you have such big manly muscles". But now they smirk or giggle, looking at me as a big joke, especially after they pull down my panties and read GAY COCKLOVER tattooed on my ass. To think this all started when Sara sprinkled her fairy dust on me by waving her magic wand behind my pigtails, had me close my eyes, click my ruby slippers while repeating her words, "THERES NO PLACE LIKE HOMO'S". Now us whiteboys must back away when girls say to us, "Beat it fags, I want a black manly stud". Sara has made the words Gay and Wayne inseparable with me like Clark Kent and Superman. Gaywayne

Gaywayne, I love your Dorothy analogy as you may or may not know, lifestyle fags will sometimes refer to themselves as FOD's, Friends of Dorothy. The Tin Man, the Scarecrow and The Cowardly Lion? All gay. The rainbow flags and stickers you see on the doors to gaybars came from "Somewhere over the Rainbow". White betaboys should just accept their gayplace in the world!

Obama Obsessed


Obama is the new rockstar. But would he have been elected if his skin color were darker? If his father weren't African, but African American? He did not rise out of the ghetto, his ancestors did not pick cotton.

Did Colin Powell, Tiger Woods & other mulatto athletes (Derek Jeter comes to mind), Will Smith & other black-man-as-hero actors pave the way for him to become the possibility? To evoke a non-threatening image, to become an acceptable personage to white voters. There was chatter that Obama was being specially lit onstage at rallies, being dressed in certain colors to look lighter skinned, that his photos were being touched up. That he was told to let the grey hair show, to signal more maturity, that he looked too young, combined with his relative inexperience. Did the visual trickery work, if there even was?

He won the popular vote by only a 5 - 6% margin. He ran a deliberate and charmed campaign to garner the pearls, the electoral votes. I haven't bought the panties or redecorated my bedroom with his posters. But across the country, even the world, he has captivated younger women, and so, there will be even more white men left out in the cold, as these women pursue the embodiment of their fantasy for black cock.

Comment:

Sara, I agree with your blog post and can I also suggest the black President on the tv show 24? Early in the show's run, Dennis Haysbert, a fine actor and now pitchman for Allstate, played the President!


Cheifing! (yes that is spelled correctly)


Cheifing is: to write on, shave or otherwise vandalize or scandalize a person who is passed out due to over-consumption of alcohol or other toxins. And should I add, cheifing is meaningless unless such pics are posted on myspace, facebook or otherwise making the virtual rounds. As an added dividend, I assume Sharpie sales are up? You just don't leave home to go partying without your camera phone or your Sharpie....

Now I don't think the cheifing on this girl is that far-fetched or humiliating as she probably loves black cock. When she woke up from her jello shots induced stupor, she probably checked out her cheif mark, went 'oh', puked, then went back to sleep.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Plugged! A Gay Confession


Sara,

I have to tell you about how gay I am even though I'm married. At first I couldn't get hard or fuck my wife unless I imagined I was having gay sex. But then pretending wasn't enough, it got so bad I couldn't even get it up. My wife sat down with me and suggested that 'we try Viagra'. I told her I didn't want to risk the side effects and would look online for another solution. I already had another solution in mind, but my wife would have thought I was a faggot unless I presented it as a medical solution. I bought a butt plug. Well I had another one hidden away that I used when she wasn't around, but I wanted her to see the new one arrive in a package. Besides I upsized! I can get hard if a butt plug is stuffed up my ass. I told my wife it provides prostate stimulation and that's how it works. She didn't really question it since it made my dick get hard enough to fuck her. But it only makes my dick hard enough to fuck her pussy because I pretend there's a cock up my ass. --a married fag--

XYZ! (a/k/a eXamine Your Zipper)


Who knew? Spotted by paps while leaving a London club, Mickey Rourke is trying to look like the leatherboy top, but we see evidence that he is really the black-cock-loving pink pantyboy....

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Montreal Madness Part III by Gaywayne!!!

The adventure continues....

SATURDAY NIGHT

The one thing I hate about going to Gay strip clubs on Ladies Night is all the dancers who pretend they're not gay and ignore you when the women are there. Then when the girls leave they go right back to you and want you to share booth with you for quick money. Or the girl who says they came to Montreal for an education to explore the art museums and cathedrals and don't want to look at your black-cock-only panty covered ass. But they end up in a nite club that has nothing but bare ass naked men. Go figure? I wish Sara would grab the back of their heads and say "OK bitch. if your not interested in cock try some of my hot snatch," and drown their heads in her pussy.

I sat by the stage sipping my drink while watching some skinny wimpy-dick whiteboy strip. But kept my eyes on the tv monitors that showed some hot interracial sex between a white girl and a black man. When all of a sudden two sissy white guys were hip-hopping on the dance floor and stealing the crowd's attention. They were wearing pink t-shirts, one shirt said in bold print FAG on the guy who looked straight and on the other guy's printed t-shirt, it said FAGGIER, this fag was wearing lipstick and eye shadow.

When a black beta male came on stage to do his strip tease show all of a sudden FAG and FAGGIER stopped dancing, ran up to the stage and bow their heads with their arms down simultaneously chanting in perfect harmony "WE OUR NOT WORTHY . WE ARE NOT WORTHY." I was impressed. If I had a t-shirt that said FAGGIEST I certainly would have joined them.

After a mostly slow-moving night things started to pick up when a Mistress and her slave sat by me. Luckily. I didn't know what it was with men wearing pink, but her male slave was wearing a pink t-shirt that said DUM BLOND. How embarrassing. I could see that she made him get a perm and frosted his hair blond looking very faggish.

But the highlight of club's show was when FAG and FAGGIER got up on stage and shared a big black double-edge rubber dildo. Now I have seen this many times in porno films with mostly girls. But this was the first time I saw two guys doing it live on stage and the girls seemed to love it, especially the lesbians. I said to the Mistress siting next to me, "Boy, this is degrading for men to do". She replied: "Girls have been doing this for years for men's entertainment, so now it's payback time." The show got even hotter when a female bouncer named the ROCK who did have rock hard biceps, but not as big as the lady bartender got up on stage with the boys. The Mistress told me she believed that she was the younger sister of that muscle lady called Arnold and they both work out at her gym together.

The Rock held the dildo in the middle while the two whiteboy asses banged the double header. The boys kept rocking back and forth and doing sissy moans. The mostly girl audience (with their muscle black stud dancers with them) were chanting "HEAVE-HO. HEAVE-HO." One girl said to the other: "I could never take a dildo that big!" The other replied: "That's because boys have much bigger pussies." They both laugh as I caught this humiliation line.

After that show another big black stud returned with just a towel wrapped around him. The white girls screamed with joy. With the urging of the Mistress, I handed the stud a few bucks and he wrapped the towel my head so it was just me and a big black scary cock covered by just a towel. For all the straight white guys who say they could never go gay, well let me tell you just let his big black warm cock lay on face for just a minute or two and let him slowly rub it back and forth on your nose and cheek. When he pulls it away, you still want more even though the girls are laughing at you. Then you know you're hooked on gay. After that he sprayed whipped cream on his cock and asked if anyone wanted to lick it off. I could not help but get pull out more dollars bills.

It was getting near closing time and I knew I had to do something to get a lasting memory. By luck the Mistress asked me if I wanted to share a back booth with her and the black stud who was just dancing along with DUM BLOND who agreed to pay half which made it all the more reason to go back there. All four of us went to the back booth. But it was nothing like I expected. As the white Mistress sat and made out (french-kissed) the black stud, she had me stick my tongue all the up DUM BLOND's ass hole. Now like Sara said, I'm a size queen for black cock. I don't go around sticking my tongue up white guys asses, but the Mistress was in charge and she was making me do this humiliating act. You know 3 long minutes and entire song does not sound like much, but you hear her saying "DEEPER DEEPER", it seems like an eternity. So if you thought you were straight and that you only do humiliating gay acts to please women, you will feel definitely feel gay after this. Because this is something you just can't fake. After the song was over she had the black man cum on our faces, then told us to go back out to the bar, but don't wipe the hot fresh cum off our faces while buying a buying girls a drink. Boy I thought I was going to die after the white girls figured out what was on our faces and could not stop laughing and then went back to make out with their black lovers(dancers). They knew we were just a couple of broken-in whiteboys for black cock and existed for white girls to tease and put down. I realized then that this is the way it should be and us "dum" white pussy boys should accept this without question. We all know that black men are superior.

As I stopped at the border gate to go in back into the good old usa my tongue still had the taste of ass. I could not get rid of the taste in my mouth even though I used mouthwash. The border guard asked that same old question after he checked me out. "Did you get any hot pussy in Montreal tonight?" Now I guess I must have been been either very tired or I was just fed up about lying about what a stud I'm so I slipped and said: "No pussy sir no. But I know what a white guy's asshole tastes like" I tried to laugh, then swallowed hard as the guardsman look down at me with a cold chilling stare. Then he shrugged and patted my arm and said, "Well keep up the good work" and I drove on. THE END. by Gaywayne

Saturday, November 01, 2008

October's Losers of the Month: The Tampa Bay Rays!



Note to all losers!!!

You losers have been neglecting your loser-ly duties. I need pictures of losers to choose for the Loser of the Month award!!! My girlfriends and I choose the biggest loser, but we haven't had a photo since July??? I mean, there have to be more losers out there, what, are you hiding??? Email me your loser photo for consideration. You will have an excellent chance of winning, I promise!! ;-)

The NFL in London-town



From my blog reporter in the UK, peewee....

In the English press, there has been a very positive reaction to the NFL in London. Alas, there has been no mention of the fact that this awesome show on Wembley's hallowed turf was a reminder to us all that black men and white girls are the alpha specimens of the human race. The national anthems had set the tone, being passionately sung by Ne-Yo, a black hip-hop star from the USofA, and Joss Stone, a pretty white UK diva. It was then truly compelling to see this thrilling game being played out by a disproportionate amount of big black men, with their huge hard helmets whilst simultaneously being enthusiastically supported by a posse of scantily clad pretty white girls with pom-poms!

As stated previously, the event proved that American Football can indeed be viewed as a microcosm of life. It is perhaps a tad superficial to claim that because the blacks (New Orleans) triumphed over the whites (San Diego), it reflects a trend in society as a whole. Even to extend the argument to include the contrast between the ideal male specimen, represented by a largely black roster of players, and the ideal female form, represented by a majority white team of cheerleaders, is only scraping the surface of the analogy.

As you have pointed out, the NFL teams seem to be made up of 99% black men. But this is still offset by your equally astute observation that the QB and Kicker positions are often filled by white men. Moreover, it would seem that the Head Coaches and owners of the franchises are also likely to be white. Never-the-less, I understand that this is fast changing. Virile black Quarterbacks such as Donovan McNabb, Vince Young & Jason Campbell are starting to take the game by storm and Head Coaches such as Tony Dungy & Lovie Smith are beginning to pull the strings. This, in turn, is helping to eradicate the prejudiced view that only white men have sufficient intelligence to occupy the 'thinking' positions on the field.

And that particular dynamic within the sport is certainly a worthy metaphor for interracial advances within the wider society. As the QB and Head Coach roles 'go black', so too does the pretty white female population and, in all likelihood, the Presidency of the most powerful nation in world politics. To me it seems like it's not just the prettiest white girls, but the whole world that is going black.

A Very Gay Birthday!


Dear Sara,

First I went to a adult bookstore at lunch and sucked off a guy in the video booth. He decided to pull out of my mouth as he was cumming and covered my face with cum. I left some of the cum on my chin as I walked out of the store.

Next, I called this lady I met on the internet. She is married but allows select guys to come over for fun for a small fee. I had told her I wanted to show up right after her husband leaves, lick his cum from her and then have her fuck me in the ass with a strap on. Her husband knows what she does and I drove to their house and waited for him to leave before going to the door. She let me in and told me to strip. I removed my clothes and laid on the floor. The cum was already dripping from her pussy as she positioned herself above my face. I licked her pussy, cleaning all the cum out and she had several orgasms. Then I laid on my back, lubed my own ass for her as she thrust in my ass with her strap on that was about 8". She fucked me hard and called me her bitch. I came as soon as she touched my cock and she fed me the cum while she kept fucking. I completely enjoyed my hour with her and she told me that she had never been dominant before and loved it!

Trend-spotting!

I like to spot new kinky fetishes and sex trends. A hot trend among all of you fagboys seems to be self-sucking and self-fucking. Pssst I know why all you guys are taking yoga hehe and it isn't to see hot chicks in interesting, contorted (sex) positions. It's to gain the flexibility to throw your legs over your shoulders and suck your own dick, or at the very least, lick the tip. And some of you more adventurous boys with incredible, bendable Gumby dicks have been trying to stuff your own dicks up your ass, at the very least, stuff the head in. Witness:

Self Sucking and Self Fucking!