Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Birthday Girl Gets Red Cheeks! And I don't mean blushing...

I was suspicious that one of the black bouncers at the club would be the BIG surprise in Ember's and I wasn't disappointed. Antonio, the hottest black bull with the monster log popped out of the cardboard cake and did a gyrating g-string dance around the party room, especially wagging it in my face. I was getting wet. I had heard he was packing 9 to 9 1/2" and thick and that he got complimentary blow jobs from the hung-dong luvin' dancers, sometimes 2 girls at a time. Not a bad gig to have where you get blow jobs on top of seeing hotties dance 99% nekkid.

It seemed that Betty Crocker was also invited to my party. 'Somebodies' homebaked a cake in 2 round pans, and frosted the cake with vanilla frosting and chocolate accents to look like 2 titties (next to each other), then the baking bitches used M&M's to write on the frosting:

25 KISS PERKY GOODBYE


Hahahaha very funny. Of course mis amigas used the candles that didn't blow out mixed with the ones that did. So my birthday wish will not cum true. "Titty fuck the cake" "titty fuck" "titty fuck" was the chant for Antonio. We all had to lick the frosting and cake smush off of Antonio's cock 'n' balls. Pure heaven.

But then I had an even BIGGER surprise. Nicole blindfolded me with a scarf and spun me around, while I was getting spun, Nic then pushed me over a guy's lap, I could tell it was a guy because he had pants on, and it wasn't Antonio, since A was g-strung. Who had cum into the room? My skirt got flipped up and I received 25 whacks to the chant of 1 2 3 "harder" 4 5 "harder" 6 7 "smack that ass"!!! Let's just say my ass is still sore. BUT....

And it's a big BUT, not talking about my butt....

But I still don't know who my mystery spanker was. And no one will tell me, no matter how much I beg. But this I do know. The party champagne was paid for by:

THE MYSTERY SPANKER!

I need to know who this spanker is. He had to have laid out at least $500, possibly more. I mean there is a possibility Nic is lying and that the whole party was comped and that the spanker was one of her customers who tipped her BIG for the opportunity of a lifetime. It could have been one of the other bouncers. Process of elimination: I know it wasn't fatfuck, I know it wasn't toad (spanker's hands were too big). It could have been one of my fucktoys. My girlfriends were getting way too crazed into it for it to have been a random guy. So I will rule out one of Nic's 'custies'. BUT I have to think of a way to find out. Any ideas?

Friday, January 25, 2008

Blackmailing Ember


Ember is the only friend who I could possibly beg for more info on what mischief and mayhem might happen on my birthday. I begged. She told me she has been sworn to secrecy. Blackmail is my only option.

My sister is envious. She said she wishes she could have a BIG birthday surprise. Her fiance's cock is BIG, but she's been doing the same cock for several years, I think she has 'cock fatigue' and needs fresh meat. I'm posting this pic of Ember, and sending her the link to my blog, I'm telling her that unless she tells me what the BIG surprise is, the pic and the embarrassing info about her below will stay up:

{blackmail info removed, but pic is staying, as Ember only told me part of what will happen!!!!!}

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Mark your calendars: January 27th is my Birthday!


My Mom is having a birthday dinner for me, she'll spend hours slaving over lasagne and tiramisu (dessert). It's her tradition to cook the most favorite meal for her birthday girls (either me or my sister). My sister will be coming down from Whore-lando, if only she could get down Saturday nite. Altho my birthday is officially Sunday, my girlfriends are taking me out on Saturday nite, as I'm taking the nite off to par-tay SoBe style. After midnite, it will be my birthday, officially. It's going to be my 25th, shhhhhh I may freeze my age on Niteflirt to 24 'fourever' hahaha.... My 'entourage' will be stopping by the club where Nicole works. I'm a little scared of what evil plan Nicole has in store for me as I've been warned there will be a BIG surprise. Hmmmm I suspect it may involve a big cock....

Panty Bandit



In Pullman, Washington, Garth Flaherty, 24, has been charged with theft and burglary for lifting 1,613 pairs of panties, bras and other women's underwear from campus and apartment laundry rooms. Pity the poor cop who had to count all of them!

Garth pleaded guilty and was sentenced Friday to 45 days, although he may perform 30 days of community service in lieu of jailtime according to the court. Flaherty was arrested after police received a report of a suspicious man hanging out in an apartment complex laundry room. A woman noted his license plate number. And this led police to his apartment, where in his bedroom, police said, they found enough women's underwear to fill five garbage bags.



Police had previously received 12 reports of panty thefts in laundromats where Washington State University is located. "We were kind of concerned about how to match up bras and panties with victims," a police officer said. "Based on the unique descriptions from a couple of women, we can tie him to those thefts. The underwear will be held as evidence until the case is resolved, after which their disposition is uncertain. But would you really want them back?" The police officer asked, then quickly answered, "I would say not."

{Hmmm, I think this means Garth jerked into them, and wasn't just a panty sniffer....from the photo, it looks like he favored slutty thongs!}

Monday, January 21, 2008

The New "Crack"



Nicole needs to stop sending me links to kitten videos on Youtube. Cute kitten videos are the new "crack". Whatever you do, do not go to Youtube and start watching cute kitten vids. You won't be able to stop.... (Or maybe kitten crack is just a girl thing?)

Monday, January 14, 2008

Black Dick Size Check!

Nicole alerted me to a black dick size check last week on VH1's I LOVE NEW YORK 2 Reunion episode. How appropriate as I had spotted Ms. New York in Miami over the holidays with her 'boyfriend' from the show, rigged publicity I'm sure. I even mentioned to some friends how much 'girl looked like a tranny'!



Well, on this special reunion episode, New York's mother, Sister Patterson, was helping triage potential past suitors and weeded out one cafe au lait dude with a dick check. She claimed it was small, but being black, that could mean it was 8", small for a black dude.


Sister Patterson giving the small dick pinkie salute

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Dark Montreal Meat Part III -- More Black Cock Adventures in Montreal

fagwayne's cockventure in Montreal cuntinues....

After a few more drinks I got up enough courage to go over to a group of 4 beautiful white ladies before the big black show began at the DARK MONTREAL MEAT NITE CLUB. I fiqured I might have a shot with at least one of them. But three of them spoke only French. Luckily one did speak English. They were all smiling at me which made feel like a stud and made me over-confident. I decided that I must come up with a gimmick to win them over and told them that I had psychic powers and could read their minds easily. The girl who understood english acted interested. So I said to her:

"I bet your French-speaking girlfriend is checking out my cool backpack because I remind her of a good old fashioned manly stud right? Ask her." The English speaking fox with a French-Canadian accent (Denise) translated the message into French.

The other girl just giggled and told Denise what she was really thinking. Denise repeated to me in English:

"OH NO NOTHING OF THE SORT. SHE WONDERED WHY ARE YOU WEARING THAT UGLY BACKPACK WHEN YOU WOULD LOOK JUST PERFECTLY NATURAL CARRYING A PINK PURSE?"

As you could imagine, my ego went south but my happy-go-lucky mannish pride prevailed. The third girl who had even wider eyes fixed on me, well I knew she was the chick for me. I put my hand on my forehead and pretended to read her mind and said to Denise:

"I BET YOUR OTHER GIRLFRIEND IS WONDERING IF MY PHOTO APPEARED IN THE NEW 2008 FIREMEN CALENDER OF PLAYGIRL MAGAZINE RIGHT?"

Denise translated. The other girl laughed out loud and told her. Denise repeated:

"NO NO NO. SHE SAID SHE WAS THINKING THAT EVEN IF YOU GREW A FULL LENGTH BEARED OR EVEN WORE A SKI MASK FOR THAT MATTER, THAT YOU STILL WOULD COME ACROSS AS A LITTLE PRISSY FAIRYQUEEN."

I was devastated. But I had to at least try with last girl. You know what they say, third time's the charm. I put my hand on my forehead for the last time and said to Denise:

"I BET YOUR LAST GIRLFRIEND IS WONDERING IF I'M MARRIED OR HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. RIGHT? RIGHT?"

Denise translated then repeated again to me:

"WRONG AGAIN. SHE SAYS SHE WANTS TO KNOW WHY AREN'T YOU UP ON STAGE SUCKING BLACK COCK ALONG WITH THE OTHER WHITE FAGS OR ARE YOU WAITING UNTIL AFTER THE SHOW?"

That blew my mind and I felt 5 inches shorter. But I did not see anyone sucking cock. Denise explained to me that her black boyfriend (who was a muscle-bound dancer) told her that before the 11 o'clock show the faggy skinny whiteboys go behind the curtain to suck black cock to get it nice and hard for the white ladies to check out when the black men come out on stage to dance. Denise said that's where I belong because I certainly wasn't going to get any pussy. That's strictly for the black guys TONIGHT.

My world turned upside down since last night and made me realize I had stepped into a Girl's World and had to play by their rules.

THE HOT SHOW BEGINS

The dj said "Girls it's about that time. What did you come for. They chanted BIG BLACK COCK. THE DJ SAID "I can't hear you?" They raised their fists and repeated in a militant chat "BIG BLACK COCK. BIG BLACK COCK..."

Five of the biggest hottest looking muscular black men came out almost naked except for a tiny G-string that hardly covered massive dark meat and all danced to the song "Bringing Sexy Back". The jam-packed female audience went wild and out leashed a loud deafening roar. The incredible size of the huge black cocks was a painful reminder why us a whiteboys were being replaced. We looked so laughable standing next to them muscle to muscle, pound for pound, cock for cock. I knew right there and and then the women would never go back to us white trash. Once you go black saying was true. How did such a bored crowd of girls get so full of life all of a sudden?

The white go-go boy dancers had now all become waiters (or sissy cocktail waitresses) running back and forth to serve drinks for the ladies while they watched the black male strippers. The only tip these whiteboys got was a hard smack on their sissy butts which must have made them feel like prancing little nancyboys. It was indeed a woman's world. These whiteboys had to feel low and degraded and the girls could not give a shit. What goes around... I guess.

After a while many of the girls started dancing. When Denise and her girlfriends came back, they went to their table, took off their hoodies and I saw why they thought the way they did. They were all wearing BBC or ALWAYS BET ON BLACK t-shirts. They looked at whiteboys as whining little queers. I felt if you can't beat them... Join them.

I turned around and pulled up my shirt and my unbelted low-hanging pants were low enough for them to see my girlie thong that read: "BLACK COCK ONLY" They immediately all cracked up and now I was welcome as one of them. It's incredible how much easier to become friends and relax with girls was if you prove to them you're a fag especially a black cock lovin' one. They made me go up to this one girl (they must have known her)to show her my thong. She let out an uncontrollable scream of hysterics which embarrassed me. Five minutes later it seemed like every girl knew that I was a black cock gayboy. They whistled at me. Gave me bent wrist cuffing their hand against their open mouths with their tongues pushing out their cheeks to suggest I take the big one. There's no humiliation like white girls teasing you about being a black cock fag.

When Denise and her girlfriends gave open heavy French kisses to their black boyfriend strippers in front of me, that almost made me cum in my thong. How they could be so cold to me and yet melt in the arms of their big black boyfriends blew my mind. They made me go up and tip the black dancer. When I put the dollar bill in his G-string I could not get over the enormous size of his thick black cock which seemed twice the size when up close. I stared at it in disbelief. He winked at Denise and grabbed the back of my head and pushed my face right into his cock. I had to admit that his thick beautiful cock felt strangely good against my face as all the girls screamed in laughter, giving each other the high five. I felt so damn embarrassed. My face turned 20 shades redder.

I had to go back a couple of more times to do it again. I truly loved hearing the girls laugh at me as much as his fat cock being pushed into my face. I loved it. I needed more. The fourth time I came back to give him a dollar bill as he was on the platform dancing. He put his leg over my head and pulled my my face harder into his beautiful superior cock. Some of the girls were yelling "What a fucking queer!" I was humiliated. But my face against his sweet massive sausage felt so unbelievably sensational. I was high on black cock.

When I finally went up to get a drink at the bar one of the girls from the college group lifted up my shirt to see if it was true (as her girlfriend told) if I was wearing a BLACK COCK THONG. She saw it in disbelief let out a scream. Also everytime I went near the girl I flashed by the wall she would just scream at me again uncontrollably. When I finally got my drink I thought I would be cutesie and flashed the girl whose back was facing me. I tapped her on her shoulder. When she turned around I flashed her to show off my thong, I suddenly realized it was Danielle the lady dancer who I was a smart ass to last night at the female strip club.

conclusion cumming sooooon.....

Bukkake and Gukken



I have a guy friend who went to teach 'Engrish' in Japan for 2 years. Japanese schools and U's recruit fresh grads as teachers and pay pretty damn well, $60K average salary, housing provided. Now the other perk that 'G' took advantage of was because he is a relatively hot gaijin. Wielding an average 6" dick by US size queen standards, he's large compared to most small dickie Japanese boys, so he got alot of pussy action while he was there too.

When he came back to the US, we had a clubbing nite for him. Another friend asked him if he watched alot of Bukkake porn when he was there. He said he was living the porn and didn't need to watch it. What a fucker. Anyway, I emailed him the other day to ask him about Bukkake and Gukken porn. I'd been discussing this type of porn with an admirer. Glen explained that Japanese porn reflects the Japanese culture; the group is more important than the individual. In Bukkake, a group of men cum on a woman, the more the merrier. In Gukken, a group of men cum in a bowl or other receptacle and the girl must drink it.

While I like watching Bukkake, I'd rather experience the cocks than just have them spitting on me. I guess I'm a gang bang girl at heart.

DateaCrossdresser.com


I know some of you CDs who I talk with lament about not having any dates. Well, here's your chance to hook up. Let me know if any of you join and have any luck!

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

The Cat Power Dilemma



Celebrity sightings are a daily or nightly happening in Miami. But most SoFlo people tend to half ignore celebs here which is one reason why celebs party Miami. They aren't under the NY or LA magnifying glass, sizzling like ants. Miami is a snooty city and peeps tend to think they are just as fabulous or legendary in their own mind and don't kiss celebrity ass. However, my friends and I will share celebrity spottings, but our impressions aren't always kind: he looks shorter in person! she looks fugly without make-up! she looks like a tranny!

Still, there is one person I keep hoping I will run into in Miami Beach. Cat Power, one of my favorite singers, relo'd here from NYC a few years ago. Even tho I haven't seen her yet, I have wondered what I would say to her if I did. Corny ---> I love your music! Stupid ----> Hi! Dumb -----> Um are you Cat Power?

So maybe it's better I don't run into her....

Just Say No to NOFI?



As South Beach is also known as SOBE, lately the area NOrth of FIfth street, most of which was formerly called Flamingo Park, has been dubbed NOFI. Has it been planted by real estate developers (REDS) to push a trendier hipster image? Is it un-trendy to say your 'nabe' is Flamingo Park, and 'in' to say: I'm in NOFI? I hate subscribing to trends like this, but I'm all for the real estate bubble not to burst and splatter all over everyone's collective face, empty buildings and half-finished remodels aren't good for the area.

Friday, January 04, 2008

"Look everyone, I have a Cock!


One of my NF callers, sissy Ashley, pointed out something interesting to me, when he sees sex-kittens driving big-ass SUVs, it's like they're wearing strap-ons, blasting: "Look everyone, I have a cock!" Down here in Miami, there are lots of hot bitches driving Escalades and Hummers. Ashley reports his area is overpopulated with chicks driving Chevy Suburbans. Make that: driving 3 ton strap-ons. Think of it as an equation: If small dicked losers drive Red Corvettes, hotties drive Hummers.

Vince Does Vanilla


When I see a dude eating a vanilla softee ice cream cone like this, I can only think of one thing, how much he'd rather be doing it to a cock. In this case, the dude is Vince Vaughan hmmmm....

BubbleCUM 2007 Winner for Best Spum Recipe!!!


A blog reader pointed out what a delish treat it would be if a fagboy would pre-chew a piece of bubble gum, spum on it, put it back in his mouth, and blow cum bubbles! Oh yes, I would love it if a cum bubble blew up and stuck to a fagboy's face! Send a pic if it does!

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

The Extenze Infomercial Sluts Love Big Cock!


How can I get on the next infomercial?!?! Note to self: Call my modeling agency. Most of these girls, from what I read on the net (the source of all knowledge), were Hawaiian Tropic or Lingerie Bowl girls. Unfortunately, I don't think I have enough boobage to do either of those....

But I love girls who say they've broken up with guys whose dicks weren't big enough for them! That size matters! And that any girl who says it doesn't is lying!

This infomercial is a Size Queen sofa party with a gay host even. I mean check him. Looks like he'd rather be sucking cock.



I don't care if the pills even work. One of my callers say they don't. He tried for a month and didn't see any difference. According to the infomercial and all of the commercials, Extenze has been formulated to act on "that certain part" of the male body and that "it's science!" What can you expect? A dick is just spongy tissue with alot of blood vessels. I can't imagine that Extenze can make the dick larger, how can it make more blood get into the dick and keep it there, so much more, that it would make the dick larger by inches? Don't you think pharmaceutical companies would be all over a drug that could grow a dick like a chia pet? Look at the little blue pill. Viagra acts on the blood vessels. But it doesn't make a dick get larger, just get hard or stay hard longer.

All I know is, that girls want and need big cocks. And it's on tv now. Small dick losers should watch and jack off in humiliation.

Tacky subliminal set dressing, check out the brown vino bottles in the background: small, medium, large and ditto with the candle holders on the coffee table in front of the Size Queens.

Interview with the Stinkbob!



Stinkbob had no competition for LOSER of the YEAR. He got all but one vote. One voter actually thought Yes-sir Assfat should take the dubious honor. It was probably Assfat voting for himself. So I gave Stinkbob a few NF minutes so I could interview the LOSER of the YEAR. Don't worry, he wasn't jerkin' the gherkin, because it didn't sound like something was dying on the other end of the phone line.

Stinkbob: I won something?

Sara: Yes, unfortunately....

Stinkbob: Did I win something? Some money?

Sara: Loser of the Year. What did you think Ed McMahon was going to show up at your house with a big cardboard check? You probably wouldn't even open the door. Stinkbob I have some questions for you. This is an interview. Some of these questions come from my blog readers. Why do you have so many locks on your door?

Stinkbob: The neighborhood, it's bad now.

Sara: What's with all the junk in your apartment.

Stinkbob: I keep things, I might need them.

Sara: Um, hmmm. So do you feel like the Loser of the Year?

Stinkbob: Yes.

Nightflirt: 1 minute bitch warning!

Sara: Well Stinkbob, your time is up, any last word for my blog readers?

Stinkbob: Goodbye.

Sara: That's your last word?

Stinkbob: Yes. Goodbye.

Typical Stinkbob!!!!