Saturday, May 30, 2009

QUEER WINDOW (by Gaywayne) Part I

Christopher Reeve (Superman) starred in a 1998 remake of the 1954 Hitchcock classic "Rear Window" followed by a teener remake titled "Disturbia" with nerdboy Shia LeBoeuf in 2007. Now Gaywayne offers a BBC story version entitled "Queer Window".

STORYLINE: Our hero Gaywayne buys a cheap pair of binoculars at a yard sale thinking they might come in handy for something like bird-watching, but he gets a BONAFIDE result when he focuses them on his next door neighbor's window. Seeing a hot stud coming out of the shower drying himself with a towel... The delicious naked man is a black marine who looks like the pornstar AFRO BIGCOCK (no relation to Alfred Hitchcock of course) on a weekend pass to fuck his pretty white girlfriend Lisa as she lays in bed waiting for him. Gaywayne can't believe how big this blackman's balls are hung when magnified.

Gaywayne finds out that the black marine is named Dante and is not surprised why his neighbor Lisa blows him off every time he made lame-ass whiteboy advances asking her out to dinner at Hooters or to the movies. Although Lisa always accepts his offers to wash her car, saying yeah knock yourself out Wayne, then giggles. Gaywayne admits to Sara about peeping around her car for evidence on how slutty Lisa might be, finding matchbooks to bars and club near the military base and one time Gaywayne found a pair of 'scented' red thongs stuffed under the passenger seat, which he pocketed and used later for yanking his doodle.

THE STORYLINE CONTINUES: Talk about peeping, how about aerial surveillance....Sara and Nicole are tired of Gaywayne thinking he might be a real man, so since Sara has figured out where Gaywayne lives, Sara and Nicole went on Google Earth to figure out which place was Lisa's and got her phone number on a reverse search. Oh the power of the internet.

RING RING: Hello Lisa? // Yes, who's this? // This is Sara and Nicole, we're not friends with, but we know Gaywayne, I mean your neighbor Wayne really well. // I see. // And we would love it if you would play a joke on him. He deserves it. // Why does he deserve it? // Well he's been peeping on you and your black marine boyfriend doing it. // What? That fuckin' pervin' faggot!!! // Yes, it's true and he also stole a pair of your thongs out of your car and wears them. // Double fuckin' sissy faggot!!! What do you want me to do?? // Well it's time to GAY him once and for all. Can you believe he went to Alaska thinking that would 'straighten' him out? He's more of a black cock loving faggot than ever!! Can you have your boyfriend distract him then replace his Playboy and Hustler magazines with a stack of XXXtra-Black Inches mags and take away all his straight porn and replace it with the XXX DVD series of blackmen fucking whiteboys called Black Titans. We can overnite the package of porn to you. It will be worth it to us to laugh our asses off. // Absolutely, my boyfriend can distract him, I've noticed Wayne, I mean Gaywayne always wants to talk to him or spend time with him and now I know why! // Well if you need to give either of your lips a rest from the beating they can take from a BBC, we're sure Gaywayne wouldn't mind servicing your black stud! // Actually that wouldn't be a bad idea, I wouldn't mind watching a silly white fagboy suck off my hung Afrocock stud. // (Giggles from Sara and Nicole and Lisa....)

to be continued....

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Megan Fox = Size Queen!

Today I open my Yahoo to find a spam email titled:

Megan Fox's Dildo Caught at Airport Scan!!!!

I didn't dare open it, in case it had some kind of malware script, but I relayed the chillarious spam email subject to Nicole who came back with a zinger:

"Oh, you mean Brian Austin Green?"

Yes, unfortunately it's true. BAG is her dildo boy. Why else would Megan Fox even keep a poor old lame actorboy around, unless he is hung and knows how to use it! Every time she breaks up with him, in less than a week, she's back in the 'service male' saddle again.

Here is Megan caught groping it!

btw the sign says it all hehe

an admirer also pointed out that BAG's t-shirt says EVEREADY hehehe this is what every girl needs in a Dildo Boy!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Katy Perry = Size Queen

I didn't realize there were so many Katy Perry fans among my bloggies. Not only fans of her hotness cuteness, not only fans of her song "I Kissed a Girl", but also fans of her love for BBC. Her on again off again engagement disengagement from lead singer of Gym Class Heroes, Travis McCoy is apparently on again. Travis is a hot tatted mocha latte dude who of course, size-wise, is packing. I say Katy should deliver a song about being a BBC Size Queen next!

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Size Queens on the Screen!

* Ally McBeal in Episode "Cro-Magnon Man"- Ally (Calista Flockhart) falls for a nude model with a huge penis. (story continued in Episodes 13 and 21); "Sex, Lies and Second Thoughts"- Ally breaks up with a man because he has a tiny penis, "like a pop-up chicken thermometer".

* American Beauty - Mena Suvari questions her friend about the size of her boyfriend's penis

* Boogie Nights - Various females comment on Dirk's penis

* Dream Lover - M├Ądchen Amick confesses that's she's cheated on her husband with a guy who has a "huge cock"

* Foxy Brown - Foxy (Pam Grier) makes fun of "little-dicked white guys"

* Futurama - Leela, upon spotting Fry's penis, comments on what women had to put up with before Genetic Engineering.

* Human Nature - Patricia Arquette leaves her "tiny penis" boyfriend for a well endowed man.

* Raging Bull - Cathy Moriarty tells Robert DeNiro that she slept with his brother & that his penis is bigger than DeNiro's

* Sex and the City - Mr.Big storyline; "Ex and the City"- This time it's a penis that's too big; "The Awful Truth", Samantha (Kim Cattrall) finds it hard to tell her boyfriend that his penis is too small. In another episode Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) says "We care about nice arms, great eyes, a big dick..."

* The Sweetest Thing - Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate and Selma Blair discuss penis size. In a later scene Cameron Diaz and Christina Applegate are seen with a look of amazement on their faces when they see Selma Blair's boyfriend naked.

* Caroline in the City: Del discovers that Caroline's ex is better endowed than he is, and as a result becomes more anxious in the bedroom.

* Outrageous Fortune -Sandy Brozinsky (Bette Midler) determines that the decapitated corpse she views in the morgue isn't her lover Michael Sanders because the penis is too small.

* Coupling - Sally (Kate Isitt) becomes interested in Patrick once she finds out that he has a massive penis, she instantly wants to have sex with him, but is conflicted on whether or not to because of his political views.

* Friends - Pheobe, Rachel and Monica all spy on an muscular man who is walking around his apartment in a towel, when he drops it a look of amazement is seen on their faces, followed by a unanimous, "Wow!" at how well-endowed he is.

* Moulin Rouge - Nicole Kidman pulls down Ewan Macgregor's trousers and exclaims "big boy!" with a look of delight on her face. (I have to wonder if this line was improv'd, Ewan's known to be a well hung whiteboy, and Nicole's known to be somewhat of a size queen, after leaving Tommy Boy, she hooked up with rapper Q-tip who boasts about his 9"! Sara)


Gaywayne whets our appetites...

...while we are still waiting for Part II of Gaywayne's Alaskan Adventure...

Here Gaywayne goes into more details about Alaska's lack of gay sex action! But he redeems this lack of far north fagfuckery by recommending a hot BBC blog! (Click the blog post title or the link below to see the hot BBC pics)

Nicole also wanted me to ask Gaywayne about whether strippers make good $ in Alaska, but she would never move anywhere so cold no matter how good the $ was. Here is Gaywayne's response:

"Happy that Nicole will read this. Yes, strippers do make alot of money there mostly because of the high cost of living. All the jobs start out paying $10 an hour. Plus what else do men have to spend money on. Booze. Girls. Sex. In Anchorage it's about even in gender population. But Northern Alaska past Fairbanks, it's mostly men in the colder zone near the arctic region. Where they drill for oil and the pipeline actually starts and that's where many of the hunters and fishermen go. THE CAR RENTALS WOULD NOT let me take their car up there due to bad gravel roads and lack of help and gas stations on the Dalton Highway.

The reason for lack of gay activity is simply because the land is under-developed in northern Alaska for big business. They're lucky to get satellite tv up there. It's very primitive. It's like the 1982 movie THE THING.

I CHECKED OUT THOSE HOT BLACK MEN JASON and TROY THE FOOTBALL PLAYER. YOU DO HAVE GREAT TASTE IN BLACK MEN. I love it when white girls tell me about hot black men. Speaking about hot black men Sara, you must check out the blog AFROBONES if you haven't already. The men are so hot. You won't be sorry. The black studs are so big I thought I was going to die just checking them out. HUGE COCKS. Some good pics of little whiteboys giving them head.

But actually we did not steal Alaska. We bought it off the Russians for over 7 millions dollars around 1867. But there's no denying it, from the Top of Melville Canada straight down to the Cape Horn of South America, the Natives of the Americas got screwed."


Friday, May 15, 2009

Katy Perry Tells It Like It Is, but....

....she needs to push this dude off the gay cliff!!!

It's one thing to complain about a fagboy, a hot bitch should take action. If you find a gayboy who's lost in gay limbo, wears more make-up than you, spends more time on myspace than you and is into auto-asphyxia while jacking, it's time to make that uber-fehg take cock!

Katy Perry's Lyrics to Ur So Gay

I hope you hang yourself with your h&m scarf
While jacking off listening to Mozart
You bitch and moan about LA
Wishing you were in the rain reading Hemingway
You don't eat meat
And drive electrical cars
You're so indie rock it's almost an art
You need SPF 45 just to stay alive
You're so gay and you don't even like boys
No you don't even like
No you don't even like
No you don't even like boys
You're so gay and you don't even like boys
No you don't even like
No you don't even like
No you don't even like...
You're so sad maybe you should buy a happy meal
You're so skinny you should really super size the deal
Secretly you're so amused
That nobody understands you
I'm so mean cause I cannot get you outta your head
I'm so angry cause you rather myspace instead
I can't believe I fell in love
With some one that wears more makeup than...
You're so gay and you don't even like boys
No you don't even like
No you don't even like
No you don't even like boys
You're so gay and you don't even like boys
No you don't even like
No you don't even like
No you don't even like...
You walk around like you're oh so debonair
You pull em down and
There's really nothing there
I wish you would just be real with me
You're so gay and you don't even like boys
No you don't even like
No you don't even like
No you don't even like boys
You're so gay and you don't even like boys
No you don't even like
No you don't even like
Oh no no no no no no no...
You're so gay and you don't even like boys
No you don't even like
No you don't even like
No you don't even like boys
You're so gay and you don't even like boys
No you don't even like
No you don't even like
No you don't even like... penis

yes agree with KP's white girl gang signs, pussy is #1 !!! Sara

Saturday, May 09, 2009

If it Ain't Black, Take it Back!!

Bridgette with husband Skeeter

"When legendary porn performer Bridgette Kerkove was setting all sorts of records back at the start of her carnal career - the heavy-hootered blonde did close to 400 sex tapes, most of them during her prolific first year in hardcore - she was secretly harboring a craving much more intense than the one driving her to do at least one anal sex scene a day for months at a time.

The Austrian-born, now retired in California, Kerkove was a lover of cock but most of all Big Black Cock, and was reportedly secretly disappointed when she had to take white dick.

The star of such interracial nutbusters as: 'If It Ain't Black Take It Back', 'Black Up In Her' and 'Hit Me With Your Black Cock' reportedly told her manager at the time, hubby Skeeter Kerkove, that if she could, she would take black dick only. But the reality of the marketplace was, at the time, limited for such a sexual dynamic, which had a relatively small appeal to porno consumers. In fact, conventional wisdom amongst pornsters was that by doing interracial scenes, adult porn starlets might lose more fans than they gained, due to long ingrained social/racial prejudices. In any case, Bridgette was a sexual trooper about it all and still fucked hundreds of white guys alongside her favored Blacks, and for her anyway, the old sexual adage of "Once you go Black, you never go back" was indeed true."

my intrepid UK reporter peewee found this treasure in a UK magazine, "Men's World"....

Friday, May 08, 2009

GAYWAYNE's Alaskan Adventure Part I

When I first arrived to Anchorage, Alaska I was interested in the local history. I visited the museums. Read the history posted on the buildings. Checked out the streets where an earthquake took its' toll back in in the Sixties. Took the shore walk. Visited the bargain shops (there were no bargains, everything in Alaska is expensive) and even went to the zoo. I ate at some excellent restaurants like the Brewing House and the Sour Dough Mining Co. for some great Alaskan seafood.

After a month or so my thirst for knowledge was satisfied and a different kind of appetite emerged. (Gaycock hunger??) I kept saying to myself that I was much too manly and that I loved women too much for that or so I thought I did? I went downtown to see if there was any red light district action. Found very little of it if that. After a few days I got fed up walking the streets with Eskimo hooker chicks coming up to me. But I guess it was alright since it was their country and we stole it. But my legs got tired and decided to end the late afternoon in some dive bar called Herbies.

Once I got inside my eyes brightened when I saw that the bartender was a hot blue-eyed blonde wearing really low cut jeans and a shirt tied under her lovely tits. She said "Yeah". I replied a cold Budweiser in a bottle please. I noticed there was only one other customer besides me, a drunk whose head was sleeping at the counter on the other side of the bar. When she returned with my beer and took my five ($5 for a bottle of Bud!!!) she went back to reading a magazine, blowing bubbles from her chewing gum with her gorgeous long legs up on the counter. My mouth watered. I was happy I came in, it was just my luck there was this beautiful lady to feast my eyes on.

But then I noticed the mag she was looking at was about bodybuilding and it seemed to feature all black men pumping iron. To make conversation I politely asked if I could check out the mag after she was done looking at it. Without looking up, she said,"Yeah. OK." And then tossed the magazine over to me.

I keep nursing my expensive beer and checked out the magazine. The address label stated: Herbert Something-or-Other, so thought I would be more more daring and asked, "I guess the owner of this place must be into bodybuilding". She said "That fucking wimp? He's just another stupid corn-balled whiteboy." I said 'wow' to myself.

Another customer walked in so the pretty bartender smirked and attended the other patron saying to him, "Hey Mousey. Look over there Herbie got the pinball machine fixed just in time for the party." He said, "Oh goodie. Please give me some quarters along with a Sprite" as he threw down a twenty. This guy was definitely gay. He swung his skinny little ass that was inside tight black jeans back and forth as played pinball. Wearing big hoop earrings. Fucking fag I said to myself.

The blonde then began flipping channels on the tv and noticed a basketball game (which had only black players of course) ending. "Dammit" she said. So she picked up the remote and started to channel surf looking very bored. (I was getting too horny to be bored). Then she got a call on her cell. She said "Hey Erica, what's up? Oh there's nothing going on here. Nothing on tv except whiteboy garbage shit and some whitefag who wanted to look at Herbie's black muscle mag. And Mousey's here humping the pinball machine." I blushed. I could hear what she was saying if I listened carefully even though she was at the other end of the bar with the tv blaring.

When she hung up I decided to make my move. I remember Sara saying: Tell a pretty girl how gay you are. So I thought here was my big chance. I motioned her over and sweetly asked, "Can you tell me your name please?" "Why the fuck do you want to know?" "So I can ask you where a gayboy can find some action around here?" Then she let her hair down and nicely said. "Sorry. Ever since the governor declared war on porn, everything's already closed or closing down including this place real soon. Herbie sold it. It's becoming a family eatery now. We're having a farewell party this Friday nite." I said "I noticed there was a bunch of pictures of black athletes on the wall, that's a different theme than any other bar I've been in so far up here. She (Jilleen) said "There aren't many black dudes in Alaska. Unfortunately. But I know where they are. My boyfriend's black." She smiled proudly. Then she continued: "Yes, there used to be all white sportsmen photos up on the wall. Hunters with their trophy kills mostly. But since Herbie sold the place, we figured, what the shit, so we made Herbie put up black ones." She laughed.

Then she went on to tell me more of the history of the bar. It was boomtown in the pipeline days. Then it went kinda bust. Even the fishing industry got regulated, alot of jobs were lost. So Herbie had a big black dude at the grille who also doubled as a bouncer. One day Herbie who was in a pissy mood yelled at Laura, a pretty white waitress, for messing up a big order. The big black bouncer Trey was furious and pulled Herbie by the ear to back of the kitchen. Herbie didn't know that Trey, the bouncer, was fucking the waitress. He easily wrestled Herbie to the ground and kept him pinned there with his foot while Herbie wiggled helplessly like a just caught fish. Word was that he later made Herbie suck his first big black 10 inch cock. All the white waitresses were extremely delighted to hear about this, because Herbie was a nasty little whiteprick. Then Laura, who happened to be Jilleen's sister, caught Herbie sucking Trey's cock live and snapped a cell phone picture in which she used to blackmail Herbie. The story goes that Trey quit the griller/bouncer job. But just a few days later, he got a call from Herbie. He said he'd only come back if he got a big raise and if Herbie hired a black friend of his.

Herbie agreed and in walked these hot black stallions with perfectly muscular chiseled bodies from working on the pipeline. These men were from big cities like Detriot and St. Louis. They took whatever jobs they could get when they got laid off, bouncers, cooks, dishwashers, etc. In fact, all the pretty white waitresses and bartenders at Herbies were from Hooters or strip clubs after they closed.

I asked who was the faggy boy playing pinball? Jilleen said: "Oh thats Mousey. A perfect name for a whiteboy don't you think? Jilleen explained to me that Mousey was a rich kid who gets a nifty allowance from his wealthy parents every month by telling them he wants to make it on his own. Mousey helps Jilleen and her black boyfriend pay their rent. In return they let him clean their apartment once a week and if he does a good job, her black stud lets him hand wash his g-string underwear and Jilleen's thongs and panties in the sink. Peggy explained it's a real gas to watch the faggot do this and her girlfriends love hearing about it.

I was deeply moved by this story and wished I was Mousey. Then I asked my final question. "Can anyone come to this farewell party?" Jilleen said, "Well black men and white girls for free, but we charge whiteboys $25 dollars to pay for all the food and drink of course. I said that's fine and I would be there this Friday night. Jilleen said the party starts at 10pm as she was bending down to put away my empty beer bottle into a recycle bin, showing her off beautiful ass. I thought I would die, but then I realized this was ass for the black man only because black men always get only the most beautiful whitegirls in the USA no matter where in the USA as it should be and us whiteboys better suck on that.

Jilleen continued: oh there's just one more thing Wayne. I listened carefully drinking a glass of ice water that I had ordered and had to pay $1 !!!! "The farewell party is a Pimps and Ho's party. All girls dress like ho's. All the black dudes dress like pimps." "So what do the whiteboys dress like?" I asked. "All the whiteboys must bring a costume to wear, you know, like something sissy or faggy." "You mean like a Frenchmaid's uniform?" said Mousey from the pinball machine. I coughed out my water. "Swallow an ice cube baby?" She asked. I said to myself, no it's more like I swallowed my balls. All along I had been hitting bar after bar in Alaska, land of the REAL men, while what I was secretly looking and hoping to find was a kinky little place with my kind of action, and it was just my bad luck that it was going to be closing down.

Then suddenly this big bald headed handsome brute black dude came in and walked up to the bar. Jilleen bent over the bar and yelled, "Oh baby I missed you so much!" Put her arms around him and proceeded to give him the longest and and hottest french kiss I ever saw. NO WHITE GIRL EVER GAVE ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO A WHITE GUY. With her pretty ass sticking out this made me cum in my pants. I thought this was the perfect time to leave so they could be alone and I could deal with my 'sticky' situation. Oops I realized as I was leaving, they weren't really alone, since Mousey was there, but who-knows-what they'd make him do. So I left a nice a tip while realizing that I might be biting off more than I could chew by attending the farewell party....

Next: WAYNE'S EXCELLENT BIG COCK ADVENTURE in Alaska continues....

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Size Matters!

I read very few other blogs, because I just don't have the time, but one of my faves is Elyse Sewell's Live Journal. You may remember she was on the first season of America's Top Model and while she didn't win, she continues working as a model, mostly in Asia, and blogging, has had a book published in the Asian market, where she's apparently well known. And, apparently American publishers don't like to publish books that are culled from Live Journal posts so don't expect to see the English language version anytime soon.

She's also a fantastic photographer, and has an outrageous sense of humor. I have no idea how she puts up with the complete and utter b.s. she does working as a model! I tolerated so little back in the days when I modeled, my b.s. threshold was completely exceeded when I got groped at a car show, hustling pervs for $5 a photo while posing next to some Mitsubishi concept car. I could have made more money doing table or lap dances if I wanted to get groped for cheap.

I must share with you a photo from Elyse's Live Journal, whoever did the subtitles for "He's Just Not That Into You" on top of the dubbing that is, well, I need say no more, feast your eyes on Jennifer Connelly:


Are you all as sick of hearing teabagging teabagging teabagging as much as I am? Every newscaster, pundit and news reporter seems to take secret or even overt delite in saying teabagging teabagging teabagging over and over and over. I even ran into a teabagging demonstration one nite, just driving along and there they were, teabaggers with no taxation without representation signs, some throwing symbolic teabags into Biscayne Bay while news crews memorialized their antics.

But if you're really going to talk about teabagging, you might as well have the Numero Uno closeted news gayboy comment: "It's hard to talk when you're teabagging!" Damn right, when those balls are in your mouth, you better be slurping swirling sucking and working them over!

Witness it if you don't believe: